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Tidbitsitsybityspider

C

Congratsbaby

Well-Known Member
#321
#321
full said:
Thanks for the good wishes but life has been uncoupling from me for the past thirty years. It's just to complex to explain why, but I was born under 25% lucky and 75% shitty star. Now that I have crossed into my forties everything has gone to shit. My family has proven time and time again that I am shit. Yes. they will feed me, or do things, but none of those that will actually help me. For others like you, I can't have any beef. You are trying, but it's not working my friend. You and I can talk until I expire and nothing will change. I surrendered my life to wrong people, and they destroyed this body. I wish I have signed Do Not Resuscitate orders back in February of 2022 so they would let me die instead of beating me back into life and after that medical community pretty much fucked me over and over again. Even the last message from my doctor is that it is not them but me. Same thing when I speak to my psychologist, she makes a face, because she is part of that community and i have researched so many things in the past three years, medical journals, trials and other things related to medications and conditions I have been into. If I had strength, I would literally dig my own grave out of spite just to say to all of them "here, you don't even have to do this for me. the only thing for you to do is push me in there". But nobody would care in that case either. So, I can wait for a moment, to be biologically done again and do not call ER/ EMTs and let myself go to the other side. Fuck this planet and fuck this world. This site is filled with stories of suffering, and a lot of that suffering is manmade, be it of our own accord or mostly from others. We live in hell.
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I am sorry for judging you yesterday and if I ever hurt or caused any trouble or inconvenience through my replies , I mean it sincerely . I wish you had something that you loved that might become your hope and that last thing to keep holding onto . Just one last question , will you die no matter what ?
 
Last edited:
C

Congratsbaby

Well-Known Member
#322
#322
Congratsbaby said:
I am sorry for judging you yesterday and if I ever hurt or caused any trouble or inconvenience through my replies , I mean it sincerely . I wish you had something that you loved that might become your hope and that last thing to keep holding onto . Just one last question , will you die no matter what ?
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Ah
I don't want you to die
I am sorry if my threads are coming out as immature
Can you allow yourself to be miserable for as long as you feel like and then try again ?
But no matter how many times you try , it doesn't get fixed .
Mhm do you have enough money to change psychologist ?
Do you zero reason to live ? Like literal zero ? No favourite food ?
See I know this all is probably coming out as stupid . I was just thinking I should stop replying because I am probably messing it up more than doing any good
I don't want you to die and I just can't act like everything is fine . Lol this sounds so dramatic . I have been praying for you , I know you don't believe in god that's fine .
It's not your fault , can you allow yourself to just be and grieve about it , about all the unfairness you have faced and all of it and then start again ? The grieve doens't have to end ever .
It's not about feelings though only , the physical pain obviously .
I am sorry , maybe it is just immature kind of like how someone from cancer is dying and you're in denial . Maybe I am in denial and if that's the case I do genuinely apologise , I didn't wanna invalidate your feelings in any way but I did knowingly , unknowingly .
If there are chances that you can heal then I really do hope and will pray that you will be fine .
 
full

full

SF Supporter
#331
#331
So I go check one place, no good. Go back home, let Suboxone melt. Not sure if I'll go tachy this tine around. This the fourth day I take. Better than nothing. The shitty Amneal pharmaceuticals got me in this position with them not putting enough actuve ingridient in their pain tablets so I was switched to Suboxone. Until I find good ctb ticket that will do. So, life's still shit.
 
full

full

SF Supporter
#332
#332
So Suboxone is shit for pain, it's partial, plus having Naloxone in it. Fuck this. I am now eating regular meals of Tylenol and Ibuprofen, plus Suboxone, plus got addicted to Clonid8ne xuring switcharoo from Percocet to Suboxone. So instead of chugging two meds and Metamuvil fiber gummies now I am on Linzess that does not do much, MiraLax, Colace, occadional bottle of magnesium citratre, when all that fucks my intestine I resort to Bentyl which is opposite of all this laxative shit, plus Requip, ferrous sulfate and megadose weekly vitamind D and Fuoricer brcause of so nuch pharma I get hypoxic during sleep and wake up with migraines. So 2 vs. 7 or 8. Thank you aliphatic medicine. If I could somehow erase my mom's face from all the time I went to ctb I'd be happy bodiless bliss. Hopefully I die within next month. Anyhow, long term disability company thinks I am fit for work. Well, they just might help me cbt even with my mom's face on my mind. Fuck this existance.
 
full

full

SF Supporter
#333
#333
Since Suboxone is not proper for managing my pain, I found 7 day and 28 day taper down schedule on pubmed and will document my progress here. I will try 7 day option; however, allowing to be kind to myself based on how I am holding up the first day I will decide then for sure if it will be 7 or 28 taper down. I anyhow have to take Tylenol and ibuprofen along Suboxone so I will try to do without it. Since I have been to detox twice for opiates I am familoar with MATs (medically asissted treatment) and have at home most of the meds (muscle relaxer, clonidine, Zofran ODT, Bentyl, imodium, Vistaril), except the ones for sleeping aid except melatonin. Complication is my physical dependance to Klonopin; however, as I said, it is worth a shot since Suboxone is getting 3 out of 5 stars from me for pain management. This is now my second month on it (week six or seven) and by now body has stabalized to prescribed daily dose of 16 mg.
Japanese proverb, not word for word but something like this: if you realize you are on a wrong train, it is best to get off at the first stop then wait to see where it's going to take you. Whoever tead this THANK You and wish me luck.
 
C

Congratsbaby

Well-Known Member
#334
#334
full said:
Since Suboxone is not proper for managing my pain, I found 7 day and 28 day taper down schedule on pubmed and will document my progress here. I will try 7 day option; however, allowing to be kind to myself based on how I am holding up the first day I will decide then for sure if it will be 7 or 28 taper down. I anyhow have to take Tylenol and ibuprofen along Suboxone so I will try to do without it. Since I have been to detox twice for opiates I am familoar with MATs (medically asissted treatment) and have at home most of the meds (muscle relaxer, clonidine, Zofran ODT, Bentyl, imodium, Vistaril), except the ones for sleeping aid except melatonin. Complication is my physical dependance to Klonopin; however, as I said, it is worth a shot since Suboxone is getting 3 out of 5 stars from me for pain management. This is now my second month on it (week six or seven) and by now body has stabalized to prescribed daily dose of 16 mg.
Japanese proverb, not word for word but something like this: if you realize you are on a wrong train, it is best to get off at the first stop then wait to see where it's going to take you. Whoever tead this THANK You and wish me luck.
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If it's good for you , I wish you luck
 
Ash600

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#335
#335
full said:
Since Suboxone is not proper for managing my pain, I found 7 day and 28 day taper down schedule on pubmed and will document my progress here. I will try 7 day option; however, allowing to be kind to myself based on how I am holding up the first day I will decide then for sure if it will be 7 or 28 taper down. I anyhow have to take Tylenol and ibuprofen along Suboxone so I will try to do without it. Since I have been to detox twice for opiates I am familoar with MATs (medically asissted treatment) and have at home most of the meds (muscle relaxer, clonidine, Zofran ODT, Bentyl, imodium, Vistaril), except the ones for sleeping aid except melatonin. Complication is my physical dependance to Klonopin; however, as I said, it is worth a shot since Suboxone is getting 3 out of 5 stars from me for pain management. This is now my second month on it (week six or seven) and by now body has stabalized to prescribed daily dose of 16 mg.
Japanese proverb, not word for word but something like this: if you realize you are on a wrong train, it is best to get off at the first stop then wait to see where it's going to take you. Whoever tead this THANK You and wish me luck.
Click to expand...
Best of luck fella, hope it all works out well for you.
 
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