How are you today 1-10?
- Thread starter Walker
- Start date
I'm ashamed to write that I'm a 9 right now. I'm struggling with suicidal urges & impulses for a number of days now because of severe child sex*al abuse flashbacks. On top of that I'm sick with a pretty severe asthma flare/exacerbation. I'm on 50 mg prednisone daily along with increased maintenance inhalers & nebulizer bronchodilators when I need them because of the higher doses than with bronchodilator inhalers. I talked to my therapist yesterday & promised her I'd call her if I got worse. Well, today stupid thoughts are coming into my head like it wouldn't be that bad of an idea to act on my thoughts. Really, not that bad of an idea. I'm afraid to call my therapist (a registered clinical psychologist who also works at a major teaching/research hospital in my city attached to a university medical school). I'm afraid she'll call the RCMP on me to take me to the emergency room. Despite how bad I'm feeling, I don't want to go to hospital. I don't know what to do...
@mosaic hearts I'm sorry things are really bad with the thoughts. You're worth it to stay alive and fight through this. I wish there was a way to help more significantly, but you knew a tiny bit of what to do by posting here, and I'm glad. Please stay around. We all want you around, and want to hear from you.
@mosaic hearts I'm sorry things are really bad with the thoughts. You're worth it to stay alive and fight through this. I wish there was a way to help more significantly, but you knew a tiny bit of what to do by posting here, and I'm glad. Please stay around. We all want you around, and want to hear from you.
I'm feeling a little better. I did wind up calling my psychologist. She didn't call the police on me. She talked me down from my bad thoughts & urges to the point where they were more manageable & she talked to sone inside kids & teens that I think helped. Some new organ*zed ab*se memories are coming up for me & new information on our internal system(s). We're discovering that we're polyfragmented DID because of what happened to us. Really hard stuff to accept. I started my very low dose (0.25 mg/day) risperidone for the severe CPTSD & DID symptoms ongoing rapid/chaotic switching & severe flashbacks. Taking it for 2 weeks. Hopefully it'll help me cope with distress I'm feeling. Plus, increasing my Effexor XR to 250 mg/day temporarily to get me over this reslly bad hump. Easter, my birthday, Christmas, & high summer are bad (anniversary) times for us. Still sicknwith my asthma flare, but the prednisone along with my nebulizer treatments are helping me feel better. Thank God I'm off from work right now that I have the freedom to deal with this.