Lonely and Bored

Maybe they shouldn't come?

My cousin was in town from Oregon for the last couple days. He’s been my best friend since we were born, and aside from Jessica is the person I’m closest to, so it was really nice to hang out with him.

I think that's a typical way men value themselves. It may also be helpful to consider that being a subprime mortgage lender, dumping toxic waste, etc. may make you a fantastic provider, but a terrible human being. Even more seemingly benign provider activities still contribute to carbon emissions, exhaustion of natural resources, or are unethical in some way.

There are certainly people who believe that someone who spends all their time meditating is actually the only one who really benefits the world, and everyone else is wasting their time. I'm not saying "this is so", but it's interesting that there is a narrative out there where those who are not protecting or providing are actually the only ones doing any good.

I've done this a few times. Once I just spontaneously had a lucid "not-dream". I was aware of my body, awake but not thinking or dreaming anything. When I awoke, I felt absolutely fantastic.

I've tried to do this again, but haven't been able to. If you have the ability, I highly recommend it.

It’s not really wrong though.

I mean, yes, a “provider” can also be a bad person, but they are separate things.

Think of society as an ecosystem. If somebody is doing a job, providing value, they will be replaced if they lave that job (moving, being promoted, dying, whatever).

Nobody’e rushing to fill my space when I’m gone.

On top of which, they are allowing for the betterment of other people, so that those other people (usually children or a spouse) can engage in activities beyond those required for basic survival.

I’m not supporting anybody or anything.

The best that can be said of me is “at least he doesn’t…” which I’ll admit puts me ahead of some the worst assholes in the world, but it’s not saying much.

I’m better off facing hard facts honestly than I am telling myself easy lies.

One thing to note is that whenever you say that someone "does" something, at best that means that they have a certain intention or effort. Everything else is dependent on things beyond their control. So no one can say that they actually "do" anything, that is, produce a result. If you have the same intention and effort as others to "do" something, you're essentially equivalent.

I would also say that you've been hit with a mountain of shit in your life, and you really deserve, and should give yourself a break, especially now that you've had a stroke and no reasonable person would expect you to work.

Another thing to consider is that giving support to people on SF is one of the most meaningful and important things a person can do in life. You may not be filling your bank account that way, but that's also part of the merit of it. It doesn't make you a provider, but it makes you a protector of humanity.

My therapist had a good if sneaky idea for meeting people; go to ESL classes and leave flyers saying “Want to practice your English in an informal environment? Come to x coffee shop at x time.”

If no one shows up, I’m still going somewhere I’d probably go anyway.

Imho, it might be better just to make contact with whoever is teaching the ESL class and ask if they want volunteer ESL tutors. Like if it turned out that they didn't want volunteers and you were still passing out flyers, it might be an issue, but if you were invited to do this by the teacher it would be more easily embraced.

We are listening and here for you

I once showed up at a meetup for people learning French in my city. They were grateful to have some native speakers, otherwise they'd all speak English or Italian (like 90% of them were Italian ^^). It was fun, I recommend!

Hey @Gonz - I think of you as muppets- Gonzo. All falls are really stunts and performance art. It’s all perspective. lol.

i Am glad to hear you are getting out and about. It helps.

Looking for friendlies? University of Chicago (cancer campus). people greet you in the elevator, talk, tell you to have a good day, hold the door for you, make room for you. Take credit for their farts. A lot of thankful, smiling people. I spent a lot of time in waiting rooms, almost planned a mutiny while waiting in radiology, lol ( long day, but laughing with others really helped).

Have you been to any library events? I have gone to some small town libraries for fun (1 hour) workshops.

It was originally Gonzo, after the muppet, but my family shortened it over the years until Gonz is what I was used to hearing. I don’t think half my family knows my real name.

I have looked at libraries a few times, but none within driving distance ever have anything going on.

I tried to connect with other stroke patients, thinking maybe at least I’d fit in with them, not be the odd one out, but when I tried I was consistently the youngest by about 30 years. They weren’t really interested in talking to me, except to comment on how young I was (which was nice; 70-somethings are the only people who think I’m young anymore).

Pretty much exactly the same experience as a few years ago, when I tried to meet other widows/widowers, in fact.

That’s my problem really. I’m in a different phase of life than my peers. People my age meet people through work and spend time with their families.

I can’t work anymore, and my family all died or scattered around the world.

I can relate in a lot of ways to older people, but in other ways not so much.

nvm i have nothing helpful right now to say.

It’s tough. I am glad you’re getting out some. I hope the boredom & loneliness can lessen somehow.
Have you started talking to the wild life you come across? They are really great listeners. Lol.
If you like being outdoors, There’s an online site that uses volunteers to track migratory patterns of various wildlife. It’s not Audubon but something similar.

Stopping by to say hello. I made a post about loneliness today as well. Sometimes it literally hurts. sf helps. (h) @Gonz