Reasons to live
- Thread starter Innocent Forever
- Start date
On the one hand, fear of death is a very convenient way to keep someone alive. On the other, there is a lot of freedom that comes with losing it.
I told my therapist recently that I got in a car wreck or something and died tomorrow, it wouldn’t even be in top 5 worst things to happen to me. It might not even crack the top ten. I said it as a throwaway statement, but realized the truth of it.
There’s no need to recap all my medical issues, but I’ve been close to death several times in the past few years. Most recently, I had several medical professionals tell me they were surprised I survived.
And yet there was never any real fear. Death was something to be avoided, but not feared. If it happened, it didn’t carry much more weight than losing at a video game or having a movie shut off early. (This is my own death I mean; after Jessica, the thought of having to grieve somebody else terrifies me).
Point is, there is so much that really truly doesn’t matter to me, especially since I don’t care that much about the “big” thing anymore. It is a bigger relief than I expect, but it does mean I have to find an actual reason to keep going because, if I don’t, what will stop me the next time not-living looks better than living?
So far, the best I have is that I’d rather endure pain than cause it. But that won’t last forever.
I told my therapist recently that I got in a car wreck or something and died tomorrow, it wouldn’t even be in top 5 worst things to happen to me. It might not even crack the top ten. I said it as a throwaway statement, but realized the truth of it.
There’s no need to recap all my medical issues, but I’ve been close to death several times in the past few years. Most recently, I had several medical professionals tell me they were surprised I survived.
And yet there was never any real fear. Death was something to be avoided, but not feared. If it happened, it didn’t carry much more weight than losing at a video game or having a movie shut off early. (This is my own death I mean; after Jessica, the thought of having to grieve somebody else terrifies me).
Point is, there is so much that really truly doesn’t matter to me, especially since I don’t care that much about the “big” thing anymore. It is a bigger relief than I expect, but it does mean I have to find an actual reason to keep going because, if I don’t, what will stop me the next time not-living looks better than living?
So far, the best I have is that I’d rather endure pain than cause it. But that won’t last forever.
Would really bewilders me is when the Church people tell me that newborn babies who die at birth go straight to Paradise (Heaven). Don't you think it's terrible for them to say that because that would make people envy those early deaths? So sometimes religious beliefs can be hurtful, don't you think?
