Depression, BPD and absolute loneliness

I'm sorry that happened. Getting a message deleted doesn't mean that you can't still post on the subreddit though, right?

Maybe you will be able to get to know someone from one of the subreddits or other online sources eventually, even though you may not be allowed to directly post about wanting to find a partner.

I don't think your situation is hopeless. It may take time though.

Maybe I havent explained myself correctly. Many guys and girls are lonely but they dont look for people, or they just make a couple of posts and thats it... Since I was 15, I have been actively looking for someone, leaving posts, dating apps, searching all forums... If someone wanted to find me, they could.

Thats why I dont have any hope. Cause I have searched and I have talked to girls... I havent started searching now. I know how fucked I am...

I can still post there, but I just lost the will to do it cause it might be deleted... I also posted in all other subs related to me... r4r, foreveralonedating, bpd, autism, suicidewatch... And intensely used the search function in all those too to find someone even remotely compatible... I messaged a couple of girls but I dont even think they use reddit anymore. This was two weeks ago and IM not even sure if we are compatible... I havent found anyone compatible with me in all my life... Compatible being that we are interested in each other and can actually want to be with each other, not put up with each other.

The problem is that I have an aglomeration of shit... Its not just BPD or autism, its all of it together... BPD people feel very intensely loneliness, but they also need friends and hobbies and stuff. My autism says no to all of that shit... Im not interested in anything and everything is mentally very taxing... I just survive life...

Pretty much everyone gets posts deleted on a forum sooner or later, if you post enough, either because of violating a forum rule, or because of bad or overzealous moderation.

I hope you'll be able to find a way to keep posting, as that might be a way to meet someone you like eventually or get some support.

I think you mentioned that you're from Spain. I think there are some countries in Latin America that are both Spanish speaking and known for being especially friendly. They speak Portuguese in Brazil, but Portuguese is not that far off linguistically from Spanish, and I think people in Brazil are known for being very friendly.

In principle if you can work out where in the world would be the place you'd be most likely to meet someone, and you have the opportunity to go there, that might help a lot.

I have my profile in several dating apps for years. Ofc I never get any likes, but I have my instagram in them, in case someone is truly interested. Never got a single message.

My grandparents lived a very simple life. Just worked and thats it. They didnt need to go traveling, or any of those social stuff. They just lived... I wish someone wanted a simple life like that... I just want to stay at home. Everything is mentally taxing... I just want to share my every day with someone...

Try not to identity as labels just go by how you feel. Just reamber your never alone you got us try to seek a therepist you feel comfortable with too and do yoga or go to church its good

Therapists cost money, and I have been years with several and it didnt do anything. I dont think my problems can be solved by a therapist, the same way you cant solve hunger by talking to a therapist...

I just noticed that the only place I have now to search is reddit... Im totally screwed... I have been very activelly searching and reading, but nothing really... Ppl want love, but also friends and a normal life... (read going out)

I just cant hang out with friends like normal people do and just find someone naturally that way. I have to fucking scan the internet like a fucking robot. I have to treat this like a problem to solve and devote myself to it. After many years of talking to people I can easily see if Im compatible with someone or not. And yet, after all this, Im still screwed, alone with no hope... I hate this...

I should have killed myself when I was 20... Although I was already suffering for 5 years... But still, all these 15 years I lived extra have been for nothing. Just pain and suffering...

Im a coward and cant kill myself now...

The problem to go with suicide is that I need to leave things set, but I dont even know how I want them. I dont know what to do with my shit... Throwing it all... Or other stuff... I dont know... And also, Im not totally set in the idea, I just want the pain to stop... So I dont want to throw out useful stuff...
I dont know what to do... If I dont put order, I wont be able to go forward with it... But I dont know how to put order...

I just want the pain to stop...

I’m in a similar boat to you, looking for people. It’s really fucking hard, not saying it’s not. Also not saying following my advice will find you someone quickly, just that it might speed up a slow process somewhat.

Thing is, the internet is a terrible place to look for people to spend time with. Find places in real life to meet people.

If there’s a cafe or something nearby where people hang out, try becoming a regular there. You probably won’t meet anyone the first few times you go, but after a couple months the other regulars will recognize you and accept your company.

That’s what always worked for me in the past, now I just can’t find anywhere that people hang out; they get to-go orders and leave. But hopefully you’ll find someplace that works near you.

If you insist on using the internet for that purpose, look for people near you (in your city, preferably) rather than people who just share your hobbies. The latter are great to talk to, useless if you’re looking to spend time with people in real life.

The activities they are doing may be unappealing, but do them anyway because they are not the point, meeting people is.

You say “I just cant hang out with friends like normal people do and just find someone naturally that way,” but why?

Meeting people is long involved process and you’ll have to do things you don’t want to. Maybe lots of things. I wish you the best of luck, because I know it can be a very difficult task.