Depression, BPD and absolute loneliness

Im from spain. I have autism, depression and BPD... I dont like to socialize and I basically dont enjoy doing anything, specially going out, or traveling. Never did...

The problem is that I have this massive loneliness of needing just one person (woman) in my life to trust and share my life with...

The need is massive... and it hurts a lot. It hurts so much that I cant deal with it... I have been actively looking since I was 15 yo, and women just dont want someone like me, so weak and boring and needy...

I cant deal with this. Its so painful. Im so lonely... It just hurts so much...

I dont know what to do. I cannot keep living like this... I just cant. It hurts so much...

I dont know what else to say... It just hurts so much... I dont want to keep living like this...

Welcome to SF @painfully .

I'm glad you foound this place, there are understanding and kind people here. However, I'm sorry for the reasons which brought you here. I was wondering if you are in any meet-ups with other people who are neurodiverse?

You are always free to say just about whatever you'd like to share.

I hope you keep posting.

Sad hearing how things are going for you, but glad you joined up and are expressing yourself and sharing. This is a good place for you to post knowing that people here care and are supportive.

Im not in any meet ups. I dont know where would I find them... And I dont like groups of people

@painfully Sorry to hear your having a difficult time.

Im a very logical person, therefore if there is a problem, there will be solutions - this is actually the easy bit.

The difficult bit is to accept which solution is going to be right for you and that it might entail a lot of work to do it. It will also create other problems that you will need to overcome.

You sound inflexible, so i am. But without doing some things out of your comfort zone, your not going to progress.

If things were that easy, there would be no challenges.

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely.

Has a therapist ever given you advice about relationships?

I understand. I'm not fond of groups myself.

Do you get out for walks or other kinds of activities?

Here, though virtual, you're not alone.

I dont do any activity and I dont have hobbies... Im not interested in anything and requires a lot of mental effort...

Even tho you say that, Im truly alone...

I dont know how to find people like me in internet... I only found a few sites... Do you ppl know any other site? I tried all normal dating sites but its a disaster... Also tried hiki and a few spanish forums but they all are dead...

I dont know what to do... Id rather die than keep living like this... Alone...

You are not "needy" just because you have BPD. I was also diagnosed with BPD in the past and it's not that I am needy; I am just afraid and like to have reassurance. I'm sure it's the same for you. And sometimes those fears can really grow. I didn't learn to let them go until I gave them to God. With Him I get better than reassurance; I get guarantees!

I texted with a girl for 3 days and she seemed to be very nice... But we clashed in one specific topic.

She was very radical and a point of view that I for sure think that nobody would have, and it wasnt a political thing. It was so radical it was difficult to even take seriously. I dont want to give details. She ended up insulting me and blocking me...

I found her on reddit. Its the only place I had left to find somebody. I already checked all the reddits, posted messages and shit and a couple of women messaged me, but it went bad fast, it was clear that we werent compatible. This one was very promising and I was very excited and hopeful...

But now I dont have anything again... And it doesnt work that of "you found her, maybe there are more ppl"... Cause I already used all the sites...

I'm sorry it turned out this way.

I think it's actually better to find out that someone is extreme and volatile early on. If you had met in person and felt emotionally invested in her, she might have been even more volatile and it would have hurt more.

i know. i just wanted to make a joke, and she made a weird response, and i thought that i had to insist on it because of things like this... i just insisted a little and she exploded...

still, she was very nice before that... she wanted to talk to me and talked to me... most girls dont even make the ffort to talk, i always pull the conversation, its rare to find someone like this... i say most girls, but the number is very small...

i dont know where else to look. i tried reddit r4r... i have been years in the typical dating apps... i dont know where else to look... its not just that i dont have anyone know... its that i dont even have hope because i have nowhere to look for...

I am so lonely... Im crying... I dont know what to do... I dont want to keep living like this...

I know you don't like the idea, but it really is better to try in person stuff. I know you dont like groups but you might have to try one, if it means you could meet someone. And if your saying you can't keep living like this, isn't it worth a go, grated it will be extremely hard work but anything that is worth anything in life does tend to be difficult and takes hard work to complete.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I hope you'll find someone that you like soon, or find a way to feel better.

where would i find a group of people like me?
how would i approach someone that i might like in a group?
how do i know i might like someone if its all group stuff?

it seems its the same problem as online... the problem is finding someone. in this case, the problem is finding a group...

Okay - just put this out here so you don't think I'm all talk. I've just been diagnosed with BPD and I've got my autism assessment in November. So that said, I know you'll be different than me, but I have lived a long time hating and disliking groups of people but I have managed to go to a few group things at work and while I was at college. It took me 4 years to build up to going to the xmas party at work.

So a couple of things to take into account. The term attraction can mean to attract something and if your wanting to attract a person, while it's good to be yourself, it's good to keep in mind that your wanting to attract someone to you. That means you will need to consider what is it about you, someone will want to talk to you and want to get to know you. You might want to do a bit of research of interpersonal relationship skills.

Finding a group, well you'll need to see what's out there in your area. Here we have a town centre which has events on different days, there is an autism one, a mens support group, chess group and so one. I imagine there will be something in your town/ city somewhere.

Start with those two things above, it's going to take a lot of work, good luck.

Finding anybody in real life and in person can be tough. Common interests on a subject can help. I am on a few forum and correspond with a few. Astronomy is one where I am on a few. I am still in touch from a few from when we would get together for star parties, all of us gathering together and checking out each other's telescopes and other.

I found a couple of subrreddits and it made me a bit hopeful... But after a couple of days, its just another dead end... And in one reddit they deleted my message cause "this is not for relationships". The subreddit is called "lonely" and I was just expressing my pain...

The problem is not just that I dont have anyone and Im lonely, but that I dont know where else to search... So Im agonizing and in a dead end... There is no hope anywhere...