@Inastorm According to the only other person in the relationship, it was 100% my doing for being the way I am. He did admit some but only responsiblity he takes is that he was 'a little' abusive, but it was because he didn't figure it out and let it go on way too long. I failed in numerous ways, which he listed but I'm not going to put them on here. I've already talked about myself way, way too much.
Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
- Start date
It's like saying someone deserves to be killed because they weren't wearing body armor. It might be a good idea to wear body armor in certain situations, but if you haven't got it and someone is attacking you, the one getting attacked isn't to blame.
Being put in a tailspin by a relationship ending doesn't mean you deserved it. Being vulnerable to a disruption in a relationship that you thought was solid doesn't make you deserving of anything bad.
Being put in a tailspin by a relationship ending doesn't mean you deserved it. Being vulnerable to a disruption in a relationship that you thought was solid doesn't make you deserving of anything bad.
Just adding my $0.02 - but I would go out on a limb here and say he is wrong. No, and I mean exactly zero - adult relationship is one-sided, or even close to that. 
Further - there is no such thing as being "a little abusive!" He is minimizing his harmfulness for whatever reason. While acts of harm do vary in degree of harmfulness, responsibility in the first place is binary. He either owns what he did or doesn't. A hallmark of abusive men is that it's never their fault. He's subtly imposing the responsibility entirely on you by saying he let it go on way too long. Seriously? It was somehow your job to figure out what he didn't like before his failure to self-manage resulted in him acting out? Not buying it. He is responsible for his behavior and the same for you. Nobody makes us do anything unless they have coercive power over us!
Yeah I know I'm being cranky, so take all this with that in mind. I'm coming from a place of feeling compassion for what I see as you taking on way more than your share of responsibility for the outcome. I have done this before and it hurt like hell for me. That makes me want to speak out in the hope that you are aware that you have the option of rejecting what he has to say - on the grounds that it's bullshit.
Further - there is no such thing as being "a little abusive!" He is minimizing his harmfulness for whatever reason. While acts of harm do vary in degree of harmfulness, responsibility in the first place is binary. He either owns what he did or doesn't. A hallmark of abusive men is that it's never their fault. He's subtly imposing the responsibility entirely on you by saying he let it go on way too long. Seriously? It was somehow your job to figure out what he didn't like before his failure to self-manage resulted in him acting out? Not buying it. He is responsible for his behavior and the same for you. Nobody makes us do anything unless they have coercive power over us!
Yeah I know I'm being cranky, so take all this with that in mind. I'm coming from a place of feeling compassion for what I see as you taking on way more than your share of responsibility for the outcome. I have done this before and it hurt like hell for me. That makes me want to speak out in the hope that you are aware that you have the option of rejecting what he has to say - on the grounds that it's bullshit.
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Just adding my $0.02 - but I would go out on a limb here and say he is wrong. No, and I mean exactly zero - adult relationship is one-sided, or even close to that.
Further - there is no such thing as being "a little abusive!" He is minimizing his harmfulness for whatever reason. While acts of harm do vary in degree of harmfulness, responsibility in the first place is binary. He either owns what he did or doesn't. A hallmark of abusive men is that it's never their fault. He's subtly imposing the responsibility entirely on you by saying he let it go on way too long. Seriously? It was somehow your job to figure out what he didn't like before his failure to self-manage resulted in him acting out? Not buying it. He is responsible for his behavior and the same for you. Nobody makes us do anything unless they have coercive power over us!
Yeah I know I'm being cranky, so take all this with that in mind. I'm coming from a place of feeling compassion for what I see as you taking on way more than your share of responsibility for the outcome. I have done this before and it hurt like hell for me. That makes me want to speak out in the hope that you are aware that you have the option of rejecting what he has to say - on the grounds that it's bullshit.
Further - there is no such thing as being "a little abusive!" He is minimizing his harmfulness for whatever reason. While acts of harm do vary in degree of harmfulness, responsibility in the first place is binary. He either owns what he did or doesn't. A hallmark of abusive men is that it's never their fault. He's subtly imposing the responsibility entirely on you by saying he let it go on way too long. Seriously? It was somehow your job to figure out what he didn't like before his failure to self-manage resulted in him acting out? Not buying it. He is responsible for his behavior and the same for you. Nobody makes us do anything unless they have coercive power over us!
Yeah I know I'm being cranky, so take all this with that in mind. I'm coming from a place of feeling compassion for what I see as you taking on way more than your share of responsibility for the outcome. I have done this before and it hurt like hell for me. That makes me want to speak out in the hope that you are aware that you have the option of rejecting what he has to say - on the grounds that it's bullshit.
I agree with the sentiments @AmberMarie wrote. @Inastorm you have our support here on SF. You could be on the cusp of some changes that have been a long time coming. (h)
He used to do so on a regulary basis. I've realised after a lot of help, that he person he presents to the world is not at all who he is. I'm not the only one who has discovered this about him, and gradually I've come to trust my perception of events. I lost so much in the time I sprent with him, though I'm glad - and lucky - I didn't lose every dollar and every shred of self worth in being his wife.
