I feel like I've reached this place in life where there are many people who need me but none who really want me. My wife needs me to provide, needs my help with the house, needs me to pay bills, run errands, and pick up the slack from her failing physical and mental health. She does not want me near, does not miss me while I'm away, doesn't reach for me when I'm home. Man what I would do for a hug at the end of a long day at work. My kids need me cause they are kids. My job needs my on-site to build the plumbing systems so the project doesnt fall behind. My coworkers dislike me to one degree or another. Kinda my fault. I don't know how to mind my own business and want to try to help everyone but when no one asks for my help I'm just being a know-it-all. I have people I sometimes refer to as my friends. But they only call me when they have a plumbing emergency. One of my friends died last November and I only found out last Friday. I'd been to lunch with him and his wife only a few weeks before he passed. If I left the world would be short a plumber, a provider, a protector, a co-worker. All of those positions can be filled easily by others. I don't know if anyone would worry about losing me as a person. Am I making any sense? Like if I died tomorrow I don't know if anyone would miss my presence, they would just miss the things I do. I wish I could understand why I can't connect with others.
