For 15 years I've spent being miserable and exhausting all my resources. When I lived with my family I was miserable and wanted independence and didn't get along with them. I couldn't move in with nobody else. That wasn't an option. I tried some other resources (like a mental health housing program) but they rejected my application. There was another place that takes 2 years just to get approved but I decided against that one. Besides that, the only other place was one group home in the whole state that accepted people under 30 and felons, but the trust level was very low so I left after a month (and they didn't have hardly any food). Beside that, the only other option was a homeless shelter and nobody wants to go through that when you've already been through so much. I'm feeling like killing myself. I told myself for many years don't do it until you've run your options dry. I did. Then I get arrested for child pornography (didn't make it, just had it) because I'm traumatized, nobody cared and I went to prison for 2 years. It was horrible. I got neglected and left for dead. Now I'm on a registry for the rest of my life and there's too much stigma attached to my name now. My next option is appeal my case. The problem? I don't have any money and I'm mentally ill. The constitution says you have a right to petition under the 1st amendment, but the courts say the right to counsel under the 6th amendment only applies to criminal cases. So what if I get deemed incompetent to represent myself? Then I guess you can say the right to petition no longer matters. My rights are completely gone. I can't sue anybody or get things done the legal way. So what option does that leave me with but violence? Historically, that's the way its always ended when you've cornered people and gave them no peaceful way out.
I can't talk to a therapist because not only were the ones I was seeing no help for 10 years, but when I tried getting help for my child pornography problem before, they lied to me twice: the first time they said that they don't have to report me but did, and the Sheriff called my house up. Then I relapsed soon after and got caught. Then the second time they told me that so long as what I tell them doesn't violate the law they won't have to report me. Come to find out later on my court date, she smeakily wrote something down in my private MHC chart during a telehealth appointment and the courts subpoena'd that and that was used as evidence against me in court later on. I will never talk to a therapist again. So that's not an option. Medication doesn't work (and I don't take it anyways). 988 and crisis numbers don't help at all. I would love to revoke my citizenship and leave, but no country will take me. So what options do I have left? I can't run from the problem no more. A therapist? What good is that gonna do? Anything else has already been tried. I'm done.
I can't talk to a therapist because not only were the ones I was seeing no help for 10 years, but when I tried getting help for my child pornography problem before, they lied to me twice: the first time they said that they don't have to report me but did, and the Sheriff called my house up. Then I relapsed soon after and got caught. Then the second time they told me that so long as what I tell them doesn't violate the law they won't have to report me. Come to find out later on my court date, she smeakily wrote something down in my private MHC chart during a telehealth appointment and the courts subpoena'd that and that was used as evidence against me in court later on. I will never talk to a therapist again. So that's not an option. Medication doesn't work (and I don't take it anyways). 988 and crisis numbers don't help at all. I would love to revoke my citizenship and leave, but no country will take me. So what options do I have left? I can't run from the problem no more. A therapist? What good is that gonna do? Anything else has already been tried. I'm done.
Last edited:
