Hi everyone, i'm really struggling doing my undergrad thesis. I keep avoiding it and too embarassed to tell my supervisor. I just can't focus on doing it. However i got like 3.9/4.0 GPA, received a quite prestigious exchange scholarship abroad for a semester, and also got an internship at prestigious institution. But i feel like an imposter. If i can achieve all that, then why I can't do a fucking thesis???? I'm just paralysed by my fear. So many of my peers already graduated. I'm left behind. The more i think about it, the more afraid i am. What if i'm just so stupid and don't deserve all those achievements?? A simple question from my peers on the progress of my thesis launched me into a spiral. I started self harming again. I lie to my family on my progress. I lie to my peers as well. Idk. I feel like i constantly mask on everything to achieve those things, but now i just run out of energy to do it. I can't. I've been depressed for more than 6 years. I'm so tired, always having suicidal thoughts every single day. I don't know how i can stay alive now. But i feel like i can't go on no more. I can't. I have given up. I seriously consider commiting s*uicide, but i always back out. Please please please. Even before this, i always thought of killing myself when i faced even the tiniest inconvenience. This has become insurmountable. I've been on and off meds, currently starting it again. I have massive executive dysfunction for years. I haven't been functioning lika a human. Outside i may seem fine, but my room is so messy. I always procrastinate though eventually the job is done. But now i cannot do it anymore. im tired with everything
Venting Academic difficulties, feeling like an imposter due to delayed thesis
- Thread starter riptide
- Start date
I have a lot of experience assisting people who are stalling academically and have fallen into the procrastination spiral. You're obviously intelligent. This isn't a question of you lacking intelligence or being an "imposter". You are, in fact, suffering from a very common problem, a kind of academic paralysis. The pressure feels overwhelming.
I also have a brain that knee-jerk defaults to "Or you could just kill yourself," whenever I encounter a problem that requires some effort on my fault. What I've found is that the more I do to solve the problem, the quieter that suicidal ideation becomes. You know no thesis is worth dying over!
The first thing you need to do is talk to someone, like your prof or a TA, or someone in your uni's mental health office. Tell them you've hit a wall, and that you need help coming up with a thesis and creating a reading list. You certainly won't be the first student they've seen with this issue. And stop lying to people. It'll be a huge weight off your shoulders when you start admitting the truth. Right now you are hiding it because you're ashamed of yourself and you don't want people to know. You're channelling all your energy into living a lie, so it's no wonder you're exhausted and have no energy left to work on your thesis! You have to start telling everyone that you're struggling. Stop trying to keep it a dirty secret. It's so, so common for students to go through this and really nothing to be ashamed of. I would like to say that nobody will think less of you for admitting that you're finding it pretty rough right now, but unfortunately there are always some idiots who might think less of you. However, their good opinion is not worth having. The more people you tell, the less power the shame will have over you, and paradoxically this will free up some psychological energy that you can use to start getting something done.
So get help, and see if you can set up an arrangement where can you check in with some kind of supervisor on a regular basis.
Oh, and there's no law of the universe that says you have to get a degree in 3 years or 4 years or whatever the norm is in your country. Everybody has their own time for doing things, their own rhythm. Try to liberate yourself from unnecessary expectations. And good luck!
I also have a brain that knee-jerk defaults to "Or you could just kill yourself," whenever I encounter a problem that requires some effort on my fault. What I've found is that the more I do to solve the problem, the quieter that suicidal ideation becomes. You know no thesis is worth dying over!
The first thing you need to do is talk to someone, like your prof or a TA, or someone in your uni's mental health office. Tell them you've hit a wall, and that you need help coming up with a thesis and creating a reading list. You certainly won't be the first student they've seen with this issue. And stop lying to people. It'll be a huge weight off your shoulders when you start admitting the truth. Right now you are hiding it because you're ashamed of yourself and you don't want people to know. You're channelling all your energy into living a lie, so it's no wonder you're exhausted and have no energy left to work on your thesis! You have to start telling everyone that you're struggling. Stop trying to keep it a dirty secret. It's so, so common for students to go through this and really nothing to be ashamed of. I would like to say that nobody will think less of you for admitting that you're finding it pretty rough right now, but unfortunately there are always some idiots who might think less of you. However, their good opinion is not worth having. The more people you tell, the less power the shame will have over you, and paradoxically this will free up some psychological energy that you can use to start getting something done.
So get help, and see if you can set up an arrangement where can you check in with some kind of supervisor on a regular basis.
Oh, and there's no law of the universe that says you have to get a degree in 3 years or 4 years or whatever the norm is in your country. Everybody has their own time for doing things, their own rhythm. Try to liberate yourself from unnecessary expectations. And good luck!
@riptide I am so sorry that you are struggling with your thesis...and agree with the advice of @Licorice. I had a similar situation years ago with my thesis when I hit that proverbial wall as they say...though wasn't easy I did talk to my advisor which was quite helpful as figured out how to break it up into doable pieces so was no longer this overwhelmingly large "thing" as I used to call it! And I took 2 extensions which also helped to relieve the pressure a bit as well. I too send you good luck!
Everything others have shared here to your spilling everything out (except the question you were asked by a peer) which absolutely doesn't ever need to be shared here but might be included as something to share with whoever you safely seek assist from, I so agree with them in all their responses....take care of you and like Licorice said, release the expectations you have that don't fit in with caring for yourself in the best possible ways. There is no way in hell that anyone could ever think you were not a very intelligent human being, intellect being included in that observation. It's the inappropriate expectations and measuring sticks that you have learned over the years. That thinking and fear that it's the truth can be changed over time. And also along with getting some assistance, share here whenever you want and feel like it. I wish you the very best.
Last edited: