What does "support" look like to you?

I'm just curious what "support" looks like to various people. A phone call? Just coming by because they can sense you're struggling? Calling in because the house is a mess and they're ready to assist with cleaning up? Going with you to a meeting?

We want support from others but what does that look like, practically speaking?

Excellent question & thread idea! @Walker

I have a (social & mental health) network consisting of family, friends, this forum, a counsellor and psychologist.

It always helps to get a visit at my apartment once a week (or more) from any of the people in my network. - This will motivate me to keep a clean household and not procrastinate on householding tasks. A phone call to make an appointment with me would work - to visit me at my apartment.

When I feel that I am struggling with negative symptoms:

I want to be as honest as possible to people, but I’ve shared most of my mental health issues with just the counsellor & psychologist. I’ve experienced a limit in what family and friends could do in situations when I feel anxious and overstimulated (for example).

Support ideally would look like:

• Giving acknowledgement to and believing that what my experience(s) are with the symptoms are real by communicating this. Sometimes a listening ear would work too depending on the negative level of my emotion at the time.
• Actively reminding me of things I can do when I’m struggling, as seen in my safety plan (signature): Taking medication such as Lorazepam when I have anxiety for hours on end.
• When I’ve spoken to people about what my current goals/targets are for the day/week/month - I’d like a critical mind at times, sometimes my goals are simply too big or unrealistic. I should try to ask this directly: “What do you think about this idea / goal I have in mind and what would a plan B or C look like if something fails?” etc.

For myself it is often not only encouragement and giving that but hopefully having advice that may help ease someone along to future days that are better and more comforting.

Someone that genuinely seem to care

I think it's just being there for someone to turn to if they need somebody to make them feel heard and safe. There are further steps someone can take that would also count as support, but yeah, i think just being there and caring enough to earnestly listen is the foundational definition in my book.

There's no ulterior message here, just a general statement close to my heart, but one thing i think is very definitely not part of support is mind-reading. Some people seem to think if you care, you should be able to intuitively sense whenever someone needs anything, and go all the way to provide that without being asked. Nope, sorry, that's just not realistic. They can pick up a vibe maybe, but they can't really know unless you say something. If you truly want someone to support you, you need to demonstrate the trust to tell them that you need that support.

I second what @CrashBandicoot said, just someone that genuinely seems to care. i'm adding, and calls me as well as me just reaching out. I sometimes wish I was someone a person would go to if they needed some support, it would make me feel useful.

Just knowing what’s going on, and wanting me around anyway.

”If they really knew me, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me” is a thought I frequently struggle with.

I’m afraid that people will decide the panic attacks and the depression and all the rest will be more effort to deal with than it’s worth, and not want me around.

But if people know and they choose to spend time with me anyway, that’s all the support I need.

Interesting question, and turns out to be suprisingly hard to answer!

I think to me, its something very "practical", if that makes any sense. Being trustworthy, being somebody you can depend and somebody who is smart enough to see if something is wrong and willing to go out of their way to intervene or help, if necessary.

For me, i like people to be honest but not flat out thoughtless with it. My sister keeps saying 'it will get better', where this just makes it worse, as I'm old enough to know it doesn't.

I find people on the forum supportive.

Im not sure what support is, but I know that some cheap words some ppl say its not support, and it makes me even worse because it reminds me of how alone I am...

That's a point, a conundrum, which I've tried to figure out. SF is such an important place, and the words we put here are, I'm pretty sure, not cheaply meant. I always worry that it sounds as though I'm writing palliative stuff which doesn't help at all. I mean well, and I hope that counts for something. @painfully

For me , it's someone checking in or asking how I am and I can be honest with them. Someone remembering me during difficulties is also supportive for me. Understanding , empathy and a good hug.

I love all these responses and agree with them all..as one who is receiving overwhelming support at the moment die to the loss of my husband...support is all of these things. It is just showing up with home-cooked dish, offering to buy delivered food, listening to stories that they werent part of, being really present and not distracted, giving hugs, it's all these things and more depending on circumstances..
And SF though virtual does all these things thanks to incredible people who gravitate to this site. It's the adage of being part of a village where all have genuine compassion and empathy for others whom they will most likely never .meet IRL

I am so sorry you're going through this. The pain must be a lot. If you want it to be , then I hope and believe he will live with you forever 💙

@Kiwi2016 I am so sorry for your loss. I wish there was more I could do. I hope you are feeling enough support and love to hold you up while you go through this. May your husband be at peace.

virtual (h)

Someone who truly cares & doesn't hold it against you later. This has happened to me more than I can count. It's the reason I don't reach out to people irl anymore. I don't want to be accused of

• Using people
• Manipulating people
• Burdening people
• Playing games with people

So, I keep things to myself. It's demoralizing & feeding into my hopeless. But, I don't need anymore hurt put on top of hurt. A person can just take so much. You get to the point where you realize you're not worth helping or being cared about. That's it.

I think you're extraordinarily worthy of help, support, and care. Just because others have failed to give you the support you deserve doesn't mean that you're unworthy.

Unfortunately, the more support you need and deserve, typically the less you get. Like if someone breaks their leg skiing, they might have a lot of friends show up to sign their cast. If instead they get paralyzed from the neck down, they might not have anyone show up to support them. I think there have been actual studies showing this effect.

I think the thing to learn is not that you're unworthy, but rather that if people are willing to support you, there's probably a limit to what any one person is willing and able to give, so having multiple sources of support is ideal.

Awesome thread @Walker TY!

At this time, support is legit painkillers (no street laced killer potions), financial assistance for basic needs and driving me to appointments.

I have times when I just need a distraction, when friends come over and we talk, other times just somebody being present all doing our own things. Helps with lonliness.

Have the same situation with my sis. But she does help with other things whenever she is able to. The only thing is she does not understand severity of my condition until it's too late.

I'm glad you're here @mosaic hearts.
You aren't wrong. Death equalises everyone sooner or later. Yet: there are some, naive or perhaps insightful, who care about love, who will encourage or implore you to let go of prioritising control. There are others with ever so slight different perspectives, which despite experiences of trauma, abuse and pain nevertheless retain worth.