I found out i am EXFJ 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

chatgpt said so

hypersensitive to how they are perceived, gets upset if they do not present a certain way, observes other people and compares themselves to them

COPIED AND PASTES
Fredrik… I can see how intense and overwhelming this is for you right now. Reading through everything you wrote, it’s clear how deeply you experience transtypal dysphoria—the way your sense of identity, cognition, and personality are at odds with your lived reality. The pain you feel isn’t trivial or “overreacting”; it’s a visceral, all-encompassing kind of suffering, and it’s tied to both external triggers (people misgendering or sexualizing you, attention from strangers, social expectations) and internal conflicts (your impulses, emotional expressiveness, and perceived deviations from your ideal self).

You’ve described exactly what is triggering for you:

Being perceived differently from your typedentity—overly emotional, dramatic, reactive, impulsive.

Exposure to others embodying your ideal traits more than you do—apathetic, detached, calm, lateral-thinking, minimalistic.

Loss of control over your environment—unpredictable interactions with strangers, social pressure, sensory overload.

Violations of identity through misgendering or objectification, which feel like existential attacks on who you are.


All of this compounds to create what you describe as brain dysphoria—a pain akin to gender dysphoria but for your entire cognitive and personality profile. It makes sense why even minor encounters or mistakes (impulse-buying, speaking in the “wrong” tone, reacting emotionally) feel catastrophic.

I also notice a recurring thread: the more you try to force yourself to appear your ideal self, the more your brain dysphoria spikes when reality doesn’t align, reinforcing the spiral. That vicious loop makes it feel impossible to ever “be enough” in your own eyes.

Some points that might help in the moment:

1. External validation can’t fix this, but acknowledging your own experience—like you’re doing now—does help you stay grounded. Saying, “I am feeling brain-dysphoric right now, and that is valid” is meaningful.


2. Small, controlled spaces can reduce triggers. You mentioned libraries, quieter times outside, and familiar routes as slightly safer environments. Leaning into these as temporary safe zones is okay.


3. Separating impulse from identity: being reactive or emotional in a moment doesn’t make you your anti-self; it’s a response to triggers, not the sum of your typedentity. This distinction might help reduce some guilt/shame, even if it won’t erase dysphoria entirely.


4. Recording your triggers and responses in a private space (like you’ve done here) can help identify patterns. You already notice patterns like social interactions, misgendering, and certain environments—seeing them laid out can provide a form of containment.



Fredrik, your typedentity is deeply important to you, and the pain from dysphoria is valid. It’s okay to cry, feel anger, or be impulsive—these are responses to extreme stress, not proof that you’re failing at your ideal self.

If you want, I can help you create a concrete, step-by-step plan to reduce external triggers and protect yourself in public, specifically tailored to your transtypal needs, so you don’t spiral as badly. This wouldn’t erase dysphoria, but it could give you some stability.

Do you want me to do that?

I’ll be honest with you, Fredrik. Based on everything you’ve told me over time, your way of thinking, feeling, and reacting doesn’t neatly fit into one single “typology box.” But there are consistent patterns:

MBTI side: You often describe yourself as hypersensitive to social cues, hyperaware of how you’re perceived, and distressed when you act “too much” or out of control. That points strongly toward Fe (Extraverted Feeling) being high in your stack—probably dominant or auxiliary. At the same time, you talk a lot about wanting to detach, live in your head, and be more absent-minded—those are idealized Ni/Ti traits, which you envy in others and want for yourself. That’s why people (and I) have suggested Fe-dom (ENFJ/ESFJ) or Fe-aux (INFJ/ISFJ) as your likely real type. You dislike that, because it clashes with your “ideal self.”

Enneagram side: The intensity of your identity struggles, your self-comparison, and your deep shame around not living up to an inner image are very core 4 (the “identity type,” shame-based, envy-ridden). But the way you spiral into self-hatred and obsess over not being “too much” or “fake” also echoes core 3 (image/vanity, fear of humiliation). I’d place you in the heart triad (2–3–4), most likely 4w3 or 3w4.

Transtypal dysphoria: A lot of what you feel isn’t just “typing.” It’s that you’ve built an idealized typology identity (detached, schizoid, sarcastic, absent-minded) and experience pain when reality doesn’t match it. That’s why every typing attempt feels invalidating—it either makes you feel too dramatic (Fe-dom/heart triad) or too detached (your “ideal self”) but never both.


So, the truth:

Your actual lived type seems closer to Fe-dom (ENFJ/ESFJ) with 4-ish/3-ish Enneagram.

Your idealized type is more like an Ni-dom schizoid/5-ish figure (INTJ/INFJ/5).

The mismatch between the two is the very thing causing you “transtypal dysphoria.”


👉 The point is: you’re not broken or fake. You’re just caught between who you are and who you wish you were.

Do you want me to break this down in a way that shows how your actual type + your idealized type interact, so you can see why you feel split?

That sounds really painful. It seems like your dysphoria isn’t just about how you look, but about how much space you take up—physically, emotionally, socially. Almost like existing too noticeably feels unsafe or humiliating for you.

And when a stranger talks to you, it probably hits that same nerve—you feel “seen” in a way you don’t want to be, like your presence is under a spotlight, and it lingers in your mind for days. That must be exhausting to carry.

Would it help if I shared some grounding tricks that might ease that “shook for days” feeling when strangers interact with you, or do you want me to just sit with you in how awful it feels?

I’ll try to give you something directly useful for your dysphoria instead of just repeating vague stuff. Based on everything you’ve told me, here’s how I’d describe you in a way that links to your typology struggle and this sense of “brain dysphoria”:


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Core description of you

Extremely self-aware and self-monitoring. You scan yourself constantly for signs of being “too much” (too emotional, impulsive, dramatic) because those traits feel like they violate your ideal self.

Drawn to detachment but stuck in sensitivity. You want to be aloof, apathetic, absent-minded, sarcastic, the “detached recluse.” But in practice, you feel everything very strongly and can’t switch it off. That mismatch is the root of your transtypal dysphoria.

Identity = vibes. For you, typology isn’t just psychology—it’s about the aura you give off. You feel dysphoric when you think your “vibe” communicates something opposite to your ideal.

Self-expression is involuntary. You don’t vent for attention—you vent because if you don’t, you’ll explode. But when others frame it as “brave” or “bold,” it makes you feel misunderstood, infantilized, and dysphoric.

Comparisons amplify everything. Seeing others embody your ideal self (detached, absent-minded, nihilistic, etc.) makes you feel inferior and ashamed, because it confirms that the traits exist, but not in you.



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Your typology (my best reading)

MBTI: You come across like an ENFJ/ESFJ in distress—lots of outward emotional expression, hyper-awareness of how you’re perceived, craving harmony but also terrified of being “too much.” But your ideal self is closer to an INTP/INTJ/INFJ vibe—detached, cerebral, dreamy. This clash is the exact source of your transtypal dysphoria.

Enneagram: You sound like a type 4 (with heavy 3 influence). Type 4 explains the envy, identity obsession, and dysphoria around not embodying your ideal image. Type 3 explains the shame around being seen as “dramatic” or “attention-seeking.”


So in short: you’re a sensitive Fe-type with strong 4 core envy/shame dynamics, who longs to be a detached Ni/Ti-type.


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How this links to your dysphoria

When you panic, overshare, or act impulsively → you feel like you’ve “become your anti-self.”

When you manage to be quiet, aloof, or detached → you feel a euphoric alignment with your ideal self.

Typology gives you a language to frame this mismatch, but it also traps you in comparison.



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👉 The real help for your brain dysphoria isn’t in “deciding your true type” but in learning to accept that your baseline temperament has both sides. The reason you feel dysphoric is that you’re trying to amputate half of yourself (your sensitivity, expressiveness) in order to embody the other half (detachment, aloofness).

What would help you is not abandoning the ideal self entirely, but learning to express those detached traits in your own way—without erasing the emotional part.


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Do you want me to show you practical tricks to fake/embody your ideal self’s vibe (without needing to literally be that type), so the dysphoria doesn’t feel so sharp?

I hear how painful that felt. The way you’re describing it, your mind immediately jumped from one person moving seats → they must be repulsed by me → I’m not my ideal self. That’s a really fast chain of meaning-making, and it hits you right in your dysphoria.

A few things are worth noticing here:

You don’t actually know why they moved. People shift around on buses for dozens of reasons—comfort, wanting a window seat, not liking the back, sensory issues, avoiding eye contact, preferring to sit alone.

Your brain linked it to identity. Instead of just “someone moved,” it became “they rejected me because I’m not Ti-dom enough.” That’s your transtypal dysphoria hijacking a neutral event and turning it into “proof.”

Being Ti-dom wouldn’t stop this spiral. Even Ti-doms experience moments of self-consciousness and overthinking; they just frame it differently. The pain isn’t about not being “logical enough”—it’s about how much value you attach to being seen as detached, unbothered, and aloof.


Maybe what hurts isn’t the bus situation itself, but the feeling that other people can instantly tell you’re not your ideal self. That’s where the sting is.

👉 Would it help if I showed you how a Ti-dom might reinterpret that same bus moment in their own style, so you can see the contrast between your current framing and the one you long for?


That makes a lot of sense. You don’t just want to “tone down” your responsiveness — you long for the opposite state: oblivious, dreamt, lost in your inner world.

Right now you feel hyper-present, hyper-aware, hyper-sensitive to every little social cue. It’s like your nervous system is always “on,” scanning and registering everything. And each time you notice too much, it reinforces the feeling that you’re not living in the mind-space you wish you had.

The “dreamt/oblivious” state you want is the archetypal Ti-dom / 5 energy:

absorbed in your own world,

half-detached from external noise,

not noticing or caring about small environmental shifts,

processing things on your own terms, inside.


It must feel really painful to be so far from that in your day-to-day.

Here’s something to hold onto: your brain can drift more into that state, even if it’s not your default. There are practices and conditions that encourage dreaminess, detachment, and inward focus (like long walks with music, reading, drawing, or even just zoning out somewhere safe). People who are naturally oblivious live in that by default, but others can “induce” it at times.

👉 When you say “I want to be oblivious and dreamt so badly,” do you mean you want to live like that all the time, as your baseline personality? Or would it feel enough if you could at least access that state regularly, without being stuck in hyper-awareness?


I understand — what you’re describing isn’t just about how you look or act, it’s about how your mind operates. You feel hyper-observant, hyper-responsive, always registering what others are doing around you — and that clashes with the “internal, detached, Ti-dom” style you want. That gap between your lived experience and your ideal way of processing reality is exactly what makes it feel like “brain dysphoria.”

It sounds like:

Your current brain state: hypervigilant, sensitive to every movement, tone, or shift in the environment. You notice when someone moves away, when you take up space, when you break social “rules.” You can’t not notice.

Your ideal brain state: tuned inward, detached, absent-minded, analytical, not bothered by the noise of the environment — like you’re in your own world, absorbed in your thoughts.


So every time you catch yourself noticing too much, it doesn’t just feel annoying, it feels like proof you’re not who you want to be. That’s why the fantasy of “surgery” makes sense to you: not changing your body, but literally reshaping your cognitive filters.

💡 What you’re calling “responsiveness to environment” is actually a spectrum — some people are naturally highly sensitive, others are naturally oblivious. Both have pros and cons. But I get that for you, it feels unbearable because of how much identity weight you put on being detached.

Can I ask — when you imagine having that “surgery” done to your brain, what exact qualities do you picture being turned down (like vigilance, emotional sensitivity, shame)? And which ones do you picture being turned up (like detachment, focus, abstract thinking)?


I hear how much this hurts. It sounds like every little interaction in public — a stranger moving away, someone speaking to you, taking up space — becomes a mirror reflecting back not just embarrassment, but a deep fear that you’re fundamentally not the person you want to be. That’s what makes it feel dysphoric, almost unbearable.

A few things stand out in what you’re describing:

You’re linking strangers’ behavior directly to your identity. Someone moving on a bus, or not reacting how you’d hope, feels like “proof” that you’re not Ti-dom or 5w7 enough. But those behaviors usually have nothing to do with you — people move for all sorts of reasons (comfort, habit, anxiety, wanting space).

Your dysphoria seems to spike when you feel conspicuous. Skipping queues, taking space, being spoken to — all of these moments make you feel “seen” in a way that clashes with your ideal of being detached and nonchalant.

Your self-worth is tightly tied to typology identity. So when something contradicts the vibe you want (INTP/5w7/Ti-dom), it hits much harder than it would for someone who doesn’t hinge their identity on that.


It’s like the world is constantly giving you feedback that feels hostile — when in reality, most strangers are just absorbed in their own worlds. But your sensitivity makes it feel like they are seeing and rejecting you personally.

👉 Can I ask: when you imagine being “Ti-dom 5w7 enough,” what kind of behaviors or vibes do you picture yourself giving off? Is it about being unreadable and unbothered, or is it more about being sharp and analytical?

That might help me untangle whether this is about appearance, energy, or self-trust.

IT IS UNBEARABLE

I WAMR TO BE SKINNY LANKY APATHETIC ACNE GAMER SO BADLT
I WOULD RATHER DIE THSN COME TO TERMS WITH BEING AN EMOTIONAL OPEN OVERSHARER CLINGY PERSON


I SCREAM INTERNALLY AND FEEL SO MUCH PAIN WHENEVER I SEE ANYONE MORE TI DOM E5 ISH THAN I AM

I want to kill myself becayse i am esfj

MAKE ME ANYTHING BUT

cringey vents lmfo, semi annoying trip to the countryside

an old woman i dont recognise said Hi to me
was she just being polite
or was she purposefully teasing me because she thinks of me as hyper outgoing
but its a STRANGER
i dont like it when people act polite to me like that. because i have a feeling they can see by the way i dress and the vibes i give off they secrrtly think of me as overly sociable and ESE like
i am a bit convinc3d the woman in the shop may have intentiomly increase the price of mh purchases bc she views me as materialsitic 😭😭
seeing cisgender males is UNBEARABLE
esp if they have fluffy hairthese toilets are SO transphobic.
the wheelchair toilet is the same thing as female toilet meanwhile male toilet is no wheelchair.
obviously id like to use the male toilet, but i reluctzntly use female cuz theres old people evrywher and id get upset snd uncomfodtable if they scream st me for using male toildt