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I AM TRANSTYPAL

3nufk1n.sheepies

autistic apoxian eastern european toker
#1
brain dysphoric traits: dramatic, attention-seeking, histrionic, exagerrated, naive, formal, materialistic, childish, female, impatient, impulsive, desperate, reactive, responsive, aggressive, closed-minded

brain euphoric traits: skinny, calm, apathetic, detached, rational, absent-minded, nocturnal, monotone, twinkish, lateral thinking




i cant put into words how distressed i am. i have meltdowns in public because i am not ideal self enough, and too many people are more ideal self than i am for any reason, and the way emergency services respond to and treat me are TRAUMATIC. they are so dismissive i never get the care i need, and i am so ashamed to have meltdowns in public because it is not part of my identity.
thinness is not just being underweight. the paler my skin, the softer my voice, the calmer i am in crisis, the slower i react, the more i daydream and the less overwhelmed i am by emotion, the "skinnier" i feel.

i am transgender. but being a male is not just my identity - being all of the brain euphoric traits, and none of the brain dysphoric traits, also is. exhibiting brain dysphoric traits (anti self), especially at the expense of brain euphoric traits (ideal self), isn't just annoying or bothersome but extremely viscerally overwhelmingly painful

i desperately wish surgery to change a person's personality was a thing.


someone on a forum described me as brave heroic noble etc

I AM WAY TOO TRIGGERED TO FUNCTION

I AM DROWNING IN DYSPHORIA IT IS CRUSHING ITS OVERWHELMING ITS UNBEARABLE
 

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