Socially Challenged

If nothing changes for the better, or things get worse, I will without a doubt kill my self. It may be in a year, maybe 6 months, maybe 5 years. The timeline could vary, but the end is the same for every scenario. I have struggled with something for over 15 years now and it gets harder and harder to fix over time. I’m at a point now and feel so low that I’m scared to attempt to fix it because if I fail, I could see that becoming the thing that puts me over the edge.

I’m about to turn 34 and don’t use facebook or any social media which is pretty much a necessity if you want to have actual friends and a social life. Every time I think of making one, I get even more depressed because it’s like a reminder that I’m a loser with no friends. I don’t have pictures or anything so it’s like even if I met someone and they went to add me, they would instantly be put off and think something must be wrong with me since I have no friends or pictures posted. Is it even possible to explain having no friends or pictures without humiliating myself? I have dug myself in such a deep hole and isolated myself for so long that it feels like it’s not even possible to fix everything. Like right now just thinking about how stupid I am for putting myself in this position <Mod Edit - Method>.

You're welcome to say what that is if you'd like to, but I understand if you don't want to.
I can understand why the fear of failure would be intense. I can also see how that fear is a huge obstacle to actually getting better.
I don't think that's necessarily true. Maybe it can help in some ways, but I don't think it's obligatory.

I just meant making and maintaining friendship and talking to people.

Social relationships are tough for a lot of people these days. I hope things can get better somehow.

What do I do though? I don’t have any people to add, no pictures to show, nothing to talk about, etc. So let’s say I made an account and tried to add people from work. They will see that I have no friends and my self esteem will drop even lower which I don’t think was possible. Let’s say I added people that I don’t know in real life. They would think something is wrong with me that I have no friends and lower my self esteem. Online dating would be a disaster and girls would think that something is seriously wrong with me for having no friends or pictures. I feel so alone and hopeless because I can’t even figure out how to get past the first step of any plan. I don’t see any way to avoid humiliating myself.

There is one way. It doesn't work for everyone, but sometimes it does. It's a Gestalt prayer.

If you have a hobby or an interest, maybe you can find either an online group or one that meets in person.

If you tell peuple "I neglected my social circle too long while doing X, but now I'm trying to fix that" (tell a white lie if you have to) most will be pretty understanding.

Actually meeting people is tough. I'm trying to figure that out myself, sorry I can't help you witb it. But you shouldn't be embarrassed about anything.