Hi I recently found this forum because my fiancé took his own life june 20th 2022 so 23 days ago I lost the love of my life and the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I am so hurt this pain is like nothing I have ever felt before it is all consuming mentally and physically. I have thought about taking my own life and I am currently very much thinking about it and have started thinking about a plan. I have been seeing therapists and psychiatrists but I seen you said you are worried about being put somewhere and being put on medications there are actually crisis centers that you can go to and check yourself into and they will not put you on any medications. Please at least try talking to a help line or something because these thoughts you are having they seem right now like they wont go away but I promise you that you find the right people or person to talk to and help you and it will get better. Believe me I genuinely do not want to live right now but I am still trying because my fiancé took his life and I am dealing with his impulsive decision and it’s not something you would want to put your family through I understand all these thoughts and feelings you are having because I am having them myself I don’t want to hurt my family but it seems like there really is no other way to escape your own mind but there are so many resources I know some are very hard to find I had trouble finding resources myself but if you talk to a helpline they can help you so much find exactly what you are looking for if you do not wish to be put in medications or you just need to go somewhere inpatient for a few days there are places you can go. I’m not sure where you live but by me there is a place that you can go inpatient for 3 days just to get away and seek out therapy and get help. Please re consider you are definitely worth it
Practical Advice I have a plan
- Thread starter dying_inside
- Start date
- Tags dont want to betray dont want to hurt scared suicide plan
@I love you squishy
I am so sorry for you loss. I hope you find some support and strength here on sf.
I am so sorry for you loss. I hope you find some support and strength here on sf.
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and continuing giving me support.
After a week i admit the urges are slowly getting lighter.
I still believe in the plan, so much that today i found out nobody had found my purse with the equipement and i was SO excited.
Meanwhile im getting more and more numb because of the meds.
Im also physically sick which only makes me want to quit.
Monday will be the day i decide what to do since my psych and pdoc will be back...
For now im just completely bored.... And lost somewhere in my mind...
Love to all.
After a week i admit the urges are slowly getting lighter.
I still believe in the plan, so much that today i found out nobody had found my purse with the equipement and i was SO excited.
Meanwhile im getting more and more numb because of the meds.
Im also physically sick which only makes me want to quit.
Monday will be the day i decide what to do since my psych and pdoc will be back...
For now im just completely bored.... And lost somewhere in my mind...
Love to all.
Im thinking about going IP in a psychiatric clinic specialized in depression...
Giving it a last chance and giving mom hope back.
Then if i cant wait until i get to go IP (about 5 months), at least we can say o had good intentiones...
If i dont try this i'll be dead as soon as i get out of the center...
What do you think?
Giving it a last chance and giving mom hope back.
Then if i cant wait until i get to go IP (about 5 months), at least we can say o had good intentiones...
If i dont try this i'll be dead as soon as i get out of the center...
What do you think?
While you wait, here are a couple of excellent & you may find, pragmatic books on depression.
Mindful Way through Depression by Mark Williams etc. (The audible is narrated by the authors & is very good imo)
And, by William Styron, Darkness Visible
(true account of almost suicidal depression by a man who also happened to be a gifted writer)
Mindful Way through Depression by Mark Williams etc. (The audible is narrated by the authors & is very good imo)
And, by William Styron, Darkness Visible
(true account of almost suicidal depression by a man who also happened to be a gifted writer)
Yes I think it is worth a try to go to a special clinic. That you want to get better is the start. I think it's important to speak with the person, the doctor, at this clinic before you decide so as to get a feel for what they're like.
A friend of mine had a bad experience at a clinic & it was because she did not like how the treatment was designed. I am saying that a certain amount of self-advocacy with this will be important.
A friend of mine had a bad experience at a clinic & it was because she did not like how the treatment was designed. I am saying that a certain amount of self-advocacy with this will be important.
At the center theyre not supporting me in the idea of going IP in a clinic.
Im more than disappointed.
I could still go, they cant stop me, but...
Im SO down and done.
And i did tell them either that or i kill myself ASAP once out of here but they think It would only be a pause from life, but thats exactly what im doing here at the center with the difference that a clinic would give me more sessions of therapy and here i see the psych twice a months..
She didnt get it... Im so frustrated. 😢
Im more than disappointed.
I could still go, they cant stop me, but...
Im SO down and done.
And i did tell them either that or i kill myself ASAP once out of here but they think It would only be a pause from life, but thats exactly what im doing here at the center with the difference that a clinic would give me more sessions of therapy and here i see the psych twice a months..
She didnt get it... Im so frustrated. 😢
They explained me that in only 30 days they would give me a break from routine but not solve the problem.
What do they know?
This clinic is specialized in depression.
The place where i am NOW is doing that (giving me a break), with little talk therapy. But 90% of the time im left alone with myself... So how can that clinic be not better than this place?
Psych and pdoc are good here but i see them generally twice a month. I dont think thats enough... (But now that im IP i see them more).
And also i guess sometimes new docs without prejudices might be better than those who have eaten the same soup every session for years... What do you think?
What do they know?
This clinic is specialized in depression.
The place where i am NOW is doing that (giving me a break), with little talk therapy. But 90% of the time im left alone with myself... So how can that clinic be not better than this place?
Psych and pdoc are good here but i see them generally twice a month. I dont think thats enough... (But now that im IP i see them more).
And also i guess sometimes new docs without prejudices might be better than those who have eaten the same soup every session for years... What do you think?
One thing that helped me with depression was to imagine it as a whole lot more heroic than it perhaps was. Like it was a grudge match between me and life itself, that life was trying to break me. That gave me the motivation to keep going just to deny life the satisfaction of beating me. My lot are insanely stubborn so it worked for me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is to figure out what kind of person you are and play to your strengths, even if you know what you're doing, you can still manipulate yourself into surviving, Find out which buttons to press and press them.
If youre a bit of a martyr tell yourself youre doing it for others, if you are stubborn, see it as a match of wills against life, if you always wanted to be the hero, imagine life as a terrible monster and stand against it, dont bow down, if you are a little greedy (who isnt) demand what you want from life and make it give it to you. Attitude and imagery are powerful tools against pain. The story we tell ourselves about our struggle makes a lot of difference.
If you hate life, picture it as a person or entity that you hate, that hates you, that wants you gone, and do what anyone would do when faced with someone they hate: defy it.
You WILL make it for those 3 weeks, and nothing life can do will stop you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is to figure out what kind of person you are and play to your strengths, even if you know what you're doing, you can still manipulate yourself into surviving, Find out which buttons to press and press them.
If youre a bit of a martyr tell yourself youre doing it for others, if you are stubborn, see it as a match of wills against life, if you always wanted to be the hero, imagine life as a terrible monster and stand against it, dont bow down, if you are a little greedy (who isnt) demand what you want from life and make it give it to you. Attitude and imagery are powerful tools against pain. The story we tell ourselves about our struggle makes a lot of difference.
If you hate life, picture it as a person or entity that you hate, that hates you, that wants you gone, and do what anyone would do when faced with someone they hate: defy it.
You WILL make it for those 3 weeks, and nothing life can do will stop you.