Practical Advice Was one of the big parts of my life faked?

I'm glad that you wrote it all out here. I know what it feels like to hit and to be hit. The memory of the anger you felt at the bitchy comment from your teacher, the consequences of your punch, the resting restraint and many threatening behaviours that were triggered by the incident. Your shame is like a warning telling you to get away from this. It is real and comes from what all the grown ups did which was to react.

It is really good to write about all of it, go over it until finding the one part that gives you a chance to move on. The shame will fade.

I mean this is America, lawyers cost a fortune here. I'm not particularly strong at all, I just wish I wasn't such a pushover and could deal actual consequences to those who deserve it because waiting for karma doesn't work. After all if I didn't get sued as a teenager when I finally "learned my lesson" why would I now? Plus if I do have charges, I can just move to my girlfriend's state for a few years, wait for the statue of limitations to run out and come back. The police have more pressing matters to attend to anyways, getting in petty "not worth it" situations is the FBI's job.
I'm not sure what you mean/what stance you're taking in regards to whether it was real or not. The majority here seem to realize the fishy nature of everything.

Because you mentioned having shame, I was responding to the fact that carrying shame can very much injure you over time. I hope that it can diminish and eventually go.

I agree that other people's behaviour can be fishy. It's really hard to analyse memories of events and especially from another person. I hope you're able to definitavely find a sense of real for part of this whole situation.

Oh, well I don't feel bad for what I did anymore. I feel like the punch was justified now.

The timing of everything and the weird punishment make it seem like it might've been staged to teach you a lesson. The teacher being nice after suing you is also strange. It seems like your mom could've orchestrated this whole thing to make a point without it actually being a real lawsuit. A lot of things don't add up, so it's possible this was all planned to shape your behavior.

I thought so. There's no way this just organically happened.

I haven't hit anyone but now I know how to finally take control in this household. My parents won't push me around anymore if I have my fists, I'm glad I finally realized that this "teaching me a lesson" was faked and that my parents were just preventing me from having control in this house. Hitting was how they controlled me after all, if I hit them, it's karma.

While i still don't approve of violence as a means to this end, i am glad to hear that you're feeling more ready to assert yourself and take back control. It sounds like you've felt pushed around for a long time. Plus this added bit of context about your parents' behaviour further explains a lot.

Yeah, I've been lightly tapping the middle knuckle on my face to theoretically find the most sensitive areas there are to punch, that is, if I desire to do so.

A scrawny kid hitting a grown man seems kinda nothing...The whole situation sounds very weird...The guy sounds a t.t...Sounds like a mountain made out of a molehill in every respect.Get over it girl.Take care.xx

TT? And yeah that's what I thought, that fact and everything else is why I feel like it was staged.

To me it sounds real. I dont want to explain every point. but this chain of events is what I’d expect from an American school.
I think people use terms (sue) incorrectly Sometimes.

If a person wants to press charges because of an assault, you contact the local prosecutor. It doesn’t have to be the same day. You can call to report an assault after the fact. The regional prosecutor charges you with assault (not a random lawyer). Your guardian would be notified. The guardian would hire a lawyer for you- a defense lawyer. there are additional steps, but that may help you understand it.

I have been called for Jury duty a few times. Yikes! Definitely not like on tv. One court was deep in a basement. I couldn’t believe it was really a court. It was small and definitely not a regal courtroom Like on tv. Family & juvenile courts are generally much smaller than expected.

best of luck to you. That’s all I have time to explain.

I mean yeah but that doesn't explain how everything lined up so "perfectly". And the "niceness" of the teacher literally pressing charges on me. Or how they were able to drop charges so willingly, therefore making it a waste of money

I believe you said you had a history if hitting. Teacher are humans. They get tired of bad behavior too.
that being said. Teachers and school staff would have discussed the need for discipline. I imagine they looked at your IEP (individual education plan). they consult on how to address the situation. they planned to tell you the unwanted info. Additional staff was positioned nearby, to intervene if the situation became unsafe for you or staff. you hit someone, they intervened.

Staff usually don’t want to press charges. BUT if your behavior made Others feel unsafe- they have the right to call the prosecutor.

the prosecutor takes the info. i am unsure of official terms- but the office records the issue. your guardian is notified. You (guardian) get a defense atty. they do some basic “investigation”. A date is set to go to a judge. Usually takes a few months. They review the info, they do lawyer stuff. Then set another date. Several months go by.
They call the person that made the complaint. They say it’s time…. Do you still want to press charges?
A teacher knows you, he says- he’s made appropriate changes. It’s ok to drop the charges. Lawyers do their lawyer stuff —lots of money & time have passed… charges are dropped. That is the end If it- except for the lawyer payments. $$$$

I've always been a scrawny kid, I've never done any real damage to anyone outside of mindless punching and kicking. It was only recently I learned you're supposed to punch with your middle knuckle. No one was "unsafe" with me. As I said, my fist bounced off his face like nothing. Hell IIRC he didn't even flinch or try to dodge my fist. Almost as if he was expecting/trying to get hit. And the guy wasn't "positioned by" like the two teachers who confronted me in the cafeteria. He """coincidentally""" just passed by and noticed the situation. As you said, all that money got lost. It's the school's job to teach, there is no lesson being taught by pressing charges. I even brought this situation up to my girlfriend and even she acknowledge that what happened was likely staged. If he "felt threatened" (he didn't), then why didn't he just tell the teacher's union to get him in another school. Why did my parent's need to keep enforcing the fact that I was being sued? Why did I never meet my lawyer? And if this was really an official thing, what did my parents say to get the teacher to drop the charges. There's still a lot of holes here that make this sketchy.

the school didn’t press charges. The individual pressed charges.
you asked for info. I shared what I know.
☮️

How long ago was this?

We know memory is fallible so there's a pretty high chance you don't remember all the details correctly. That's not to say you're lying or obfuscating it's just how the brain works. We remember some details and fill in the rest as we tell it so the story "makes sense" based on what we remember. The science is pretty clear on this.

I wonder to if the teacher threatened to sue but didn't know what that meant. People were talking about sueing vs. pressing charges, maybe they were going to press charges but you remembered it as "sueing." Or maybe the teacher thought they were going to sue you but then actually did the research or called a lawyer and realized that's not how it works. Maybe there were no electives that day for everyone, not just for you, and you were mad about something else (why else would you just randomly punch a teacher) so the way you remember it is that you felt singled out. Could be those two teachers were standing in the hall waiting around to tell people there were no electives. Maybe there was something happening in the room(s?) or area of the building where elective classes are held and they wanted to catch people before they got there.

Again this is not to accuse you of lying, obfuscating, equivocating, etc., just to say that memory is fallible, you were young and so the memories you have are based on your understanding of the situation at the time, but as adults we know things are messy and not always as crystal clear as we remember them. Your mom probably wanted to keep you out of it so you didn't make things worse in your anger so that's why she didn't tell you much. My bet is something like this happened but just not exactly as you remember it. 🤷‍♂️

Also, when you say something like this, I think it's perfectly fair for someone to reply that you should think about the possible consequences. Especially if you're an adult now, it's much more likely charges would be pressed, if you just ran around punching people, and not many judges would be sympathetic to hear you say "I did it before and nothing happened" or "it was just the one, I thought you could punch anyone once and that was fine." Even if you're still a minor, eventually people would figure out it's a pattern, and there would likely be consequences. There is a difference between victim blaming and giving practical advice/looking out for you. Also, you punched someone, I don't think you're the victim here. All that said, AND you also deserve empathy, because it sounds like the situation was confusing and stressful, and not knowing what's real and what's not even more so.

That doesn't really go against what I said but okay.
I mean is there really a difference between suing and pressing charges. It was the latter but that doesn't matter. Given how drilled into my head the whole "he's pressing charges" thing was, it's hard to forget most of the important details. Like the title says, it's one of the biggest parts of my life. It was 2013-2015 or something around that timeline. When I was in middle school, I'm 24 now.

I'm not begging for empathy, if I did I would've selected "Empathy Only". And I don't need to confront the judge if I just skip town until the statue of limitations is up. I just know now the consequences are either not real or blown out of proportion.

Hey @AnHeroTransGirl

I looked back. I used terms wrong. my apologies. Individual makes a complaint to prosecutor. Prosecutor decides on any charges.

regardless of terms, I Am sorry you are still questioning this. I hope you’ve can stay safe and be safe.

I still think the entire thing was faked regardless