I don't feel well. Just talk to me.
- Thread starter Gard
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Thank you. I'm very disappointed that this situation at work happened. I was fully engaged and I was just taken advantage of.
And what offends me to the core is the cheating of my boss. He promised me resources for my projects, but he didn't give them. He demanded results, however. I did a lot of work, but it was impossible to get great results without additional expenses. I got some results, but not enough.
And what offends me to the core is the cheating of my boss. He promised me resources for my projects, but he didn't give them. He demanded results, however. I did a lot of work, but it was impossible to get great results without additional expenses. I got some results, but not enough.
You really do have power! What you did is something a lot of people cannot do even when their lives depends on it.
About 15 years ago my brother in law, who'd spent his young adult life drinking and smoking and toking and generally having a wild time, was told by his doctor that if he didn't stop drinking he would be dead in five years. He stopped that very day. About ten years later she told him that at the time when she gave him that ultimatum, she had six or seven patients in the same condition, and he was the only one still alive. It really takes incredible strength of character and willpower to kick away the crutches we rely on. My brother in law suffers from a lot of anxiety and depression, but he just ploughs on through like a very stubborn bull.
About 15 years ago my brother in law, who'd spent his young adult life drinking and smoking and toking and generally having a wild time, was told by his doctor that if he didn't stop drinking he would be dead in five years. He stopped that very day. About ten years later she told him that at the time when she gave him that ultimatum, she had six or seven patients in the same condition, and he was the only one still alive. It really takes incredible strength of character and willpower to kick away the crutches we rely on. My brother in law suffers from a lot of anxiety and depression, but he just ploughs on through like a very stubborn bull.
Stubbornness isn't a bad trait, is it?
People close to me have always said I'm stubborn. Especially if I'm stubborn about something they're not comfortable with. However, if they are comfortable with my stubbornness, they praise me. I am annoyed by this contradiction.
I'm glad your brother-in-law handled it well. It's really not an easy task.
Thank you for your support. I'm a little cheered up
People close to me have always said I'm stubborn. Especially if I'm stubborn about something they're not comfortable with. However, if they are comfortable with my stubbornness, they praise me. I am annoyed by this contradiction.
I'm glad your brother-in-law handled it well. It's really not an easy task.
Thank you for your support. I'm a little cheered up
Congratulations!
Yes you do
Quitting an addiction should be a big confidence booster, since if you can do that you can probably do just about anything that you really set your mind to.
You're welcome! I've recommended these things so many times, I lose track of who I've recommended them to.
Unfortunately this is common. The employer demands dedication and sacrifice, but offers none in return.
Yes you do
Quitting an addiction should be a big confidence booster, since if you can do that you can probably do just about anything that you really set your mind to.
You're welcome! I've recommended these things so many times, I lose track of who I've recommended them to.
Unfortunately this is common. The employer demands dedication and sacrifice, but offers none in return.
We have a saying in corporate America. No good deed goes unpunished.
The employer only sees us as headcount, and they would rather have uniform mediocrity than reward workers who go above and beyond. They want replaceable parts, and excellence throws off their spreadsheets.
Awareness of this explains a lot of mid level management’s actions. In the worst case, they do notice you going above and beyond, but since you’re already doing it, why would they want to pay you more? It’s like being at the negotiating table but you gave away your leverage by doing unpaid OT, and/or working above your pay grade.
What happens instead, is they promise a raise at some nebulous point in the future, and then forget all about it. It’s a tactic, not a commitment. The myth that we get ahead by working hard and delivering more than asked for is just another way they exploit us.
But I’m not bitter.
The employer only sees us as headcount, and they would rather have uniform mediocrity than reward workers who go above and beyond. They want replaceable parts, and excellence throws off their spreadsheets.
Awareness of this explains a lot of mid level management’s actions. In the worst case, they do notice you going above and beyond, but since you’re already doing it, why would they want to pay you more? It’s like being at the negotiating table but you gave away your leverage by doing unpaid OT, and/or working above your pay grade.
What happens instead, is they promise a raise at some nebulous point in the future, and then forget all about it. It’s a tactic, not a commitment. The myth that we get ahead by working hard and delivering more than asked for is just another way they exploit us.
But I’m not bitter.
Stubbornness isn't a bad trait, is it?
People close to me have always said I'm stubborn. Especially if I'm stubborn about something they're not comfortable with. However, if they are comfortable with my stubbornness, they praise me. I am annoyed by this contradiction.
People close to me have always said I'm stubborn. Especially if I'm stubborn about something they're not comfortable with. However, if they are comfortable with my stubbornness, they praise me. I am annoyed by this contradiction.
It’s probably my greatest strength in that I never give up during a challenge, at least not until my body fails me. The people who didn’t like it called me a jackass, and that was many people. However, I call it tenacity when I am refusing to give up.
It’s also my greatest obstacle, in that I keep doing things far after they are no longer working. I am learning to manage it, as in noticing when my tenacity is working, and when it’s an obstacle.
So, yeah, different people will have different reactions, and even individual reactions will vary over time and the situation.
Yes you do
Quitting an addiction should be a big confidence booster, since if you can do that you can probably do just about anything that you really set your mind to.
Quitting an addiction should be a big confidence booster, since if you can do that you can probably do just about anything that you really set your mind to.
And that makes me sad. I'm not inspired by it. I don't like being a bio-robot at work.
That's commendable, I'm the same way myself.
And I was faced with a situation where my body was starting to let me down. It's now difficult for me to work all day in a sitting position. My back and legs are starting to hurt. I do physical exercises, but they don't help much, although they do ease it.
It's sad. I wanted this particular mode of working and it turned out to be painful for my body.
The other option is to join the army. I have health limitations, but the situation in Ukraine is such that they take almost anyone. I am not hiding from the army, they know my address. And I still haven't received a summons. Who knows, maybe this is the way out of my situation?
I'm learning how to manage it, too. One way is to be objective, to stick to the facts. But some people are so skillful at manipulation, so skilled at pushing my emotional weaknesses, that they twist the facts very skillfully. They just want me to do what they want me to do. And they want to get it at any cost, even manipulatively. And when I realize this, I become very stubborn. And then I get accused of being stubborn.
I've never heard about it, I don't know.
There might be plenty of books about CBT that would work well, I guess it's a matter of personal preference.
In the interest of disclosure, I've never read the book I recommended. I recommended it because both other members here have recommended it, and because it's on the reading-well.uk.org book list. The books there have been vetted by at least one mental health professional, so they are presumably selective about what they include.
There might be plenty of books about CBT that would work well, I guess it's a matter of personal preference.
In the interest of disclosure, I've never read the book I recommended. I recommended it because both other members here have recommended it, and because it's on the reading-well.uk.org book list. The books there have been vetted by at least one mental health professional, so they are presumably selective about what they include.
Maybe, but it could also be a disaster. At the very least, you'd have to be careful.
I'm giving a long winded commentary on this below, which is probably mostly obvious, but it may be worth discussing in detail because it's obviously a major and life changing issue.
There's the issue that most military positions are of course involved in killing/injuring people. So you'd have to be in principle ok with that if you took that kind of position. Since Ukraine is being invaded and Ukrainians are just defending themselves, it's less of a moral problem than it is for the invaders, but it's still important, so you'd have to be certain you're ready for that.
Also, you'd have to be ready for the dangers and stresses that would come with a military role. I don't know how things would go for someone who already has depression and PTSD, but I think it would probably make things enormously worse. I guess you could ask a psychiatrist or therapist about that, but I'm assuming that would be the case.
You've got great English language skills, and it doesn't seem like a lot of people in Ukraine are fluent in English, so there might be some sort of military translator role you could play. Something like that which is connected to the military but doesn't involve being on the front lines would be a safer option, but I don't know if they'll let you pick what you do.
I'm giving a long winded commentary on this below, which is probably mostly obvious, but it may be worth discussing in detail because it's obviously a major and life changing issue.
There's the issue that most military positions are of course involved in killing/injuring people. So you'd have to be in principle ok with that if you took that kind of position. Since Ukraine is being invaded and Ukrainians are just defending themselves, it's less of a moral problem than it is for the invaders, but it's still important, so you'd have to be certain you're ready for that.
Also, you'd have to be ready for the dangers and stresses that would come with a military role. I don't know how things would go for someone who already has depression and PTSD, but I think it would probably make things enormously worse. I guess you could ask a psychiatrist or therapist about that, but I'm assuming that would be the case.
You've got great English language skills, and it doesn't seem like a lot of people in Ukraine are fluent in English, so there might be some sort of military translator role you could play. Something like that which is connected to the military but doesn't involve being on the front lines would be a safer option, but I don't know if they'll let you pick what you do.
Thank you for your opinion. It's objective.
Yes, it could worsen my condition. It scares me. But it could make it better. We have a saying: you drive a wedge with a wedge. In English similarly says: Fight fire with fire.
Either way, it's a risk.
I often get messages about various vacancies in the army. It's not just vacancies on the front lines. That's why I'm thinking about it.
Maybe it's a way out?
The thing that keeps me from this decision is that I smoke a lot. That's a problem. Alain Carr's book didn't help me. The nicotine patch didn't help either..... Are there other ways?
Yes, it could worsen my condition. It scares me. But it could make it better. We have a saying: you drive a wedge with a wedge. In English similarly says: Fight fire with fire.
Either way, it's a risk.
I often get messages about various vacancies in the army. It's not just vacancies on the front lines. That's why I'm thinking about it.
Maybe it's a way out?
The thing that keeps me from this decision is that I smoke a lot. That's a problem. Alain Carr's book didn't help me. The nicotine patch didn't help either..... Are there other ways?