Back to rock bottom
- Thread starter Inastorm
- Start date
I miss the mundane.
I went to fill my van up with fuel and just for a second, i imagined her sitting in the passenger seat. In these situations id fill up and ask if she wanted something, id pick us up a couple of caramel chocolate bars and maybe a small packet of crisps.
For a minute she was there but i looked into the van and she was gone.
Just my longing playing tricks on me.
I went to fill my van up with fuel and just for a second, i imagined her sitting in the passenger seat. In these situations id fill up and ask if she wanted something, id pick us up a couple of caramel chocolate bars and maybe a small packet of crisps.
For a minute she was there but i looked into the van and she was gone.
Just my longing playing tricks on me.
I know how you feel. It took me a couple of years to get over my 10-year marriage. At first, I didn't even want to live in the same place we used to live together. I had to move to my brother's house for a while because I knew everything would remind me of him. But now I feel like I am better off for it. My mind is much healthier and I don't regret how things happened.
So, not going down to my sisters. I spoke to her and she was okay about it. I've got workman in today doing the front bedroom ceiling and I've been painting the back of the house a nice grey colour.
All im thinking about is my ex, my friend and keep on going around in circles in my mind, 'what the fuck, why has this happened' and so on.
The feeling is strange, I keep getting flashes of thoughts. One second, it's like none of this is happening and I will see her soon, then another thought of 'I can't believe I been left like this'.
Im trying to avoid thinking I owned in some way, but the roles were reversed 8 years ago when we slit up from a partner/ living together style relationship and while it was so painful, I stayed around for them, which then turned into a deep friendship.
I remember people on the forum 8 years ago saying I should leave the situation, but I didnt, I even said I'd have it destroy me, rather than not having her in my life.
So, this is how it's turned out. They break up with me/ (They really need me) I stick around and give them 7 years of support (Im being one sided, they gave me lots of support too, my help to them was a lot more physical) - They break up with me again/ (I really need them) they cut me off and think I've done all this on purpose.
I feel so empty, used, longing, painful.
All im thinking about is my ex, my friend and keep on going around in circles in my mind, 'what the fuck, why has this happened' and so on.
The feeling is strange, I keep getting flashes of thoughts. One second, it's like none of this is happening and I will see her soon, then another thought of 'I can't believe I been left like this'.
Im trying to avoid thinking I owned in some way, but the roles were reversed 8 years ago when we slit up from a partner/ living together style relationship and while it was so painful, I stayed around for them, which then turned into a deep friendship.
I remember people on the forum 8 years ago saying I should leave the situation, but I didnt, I even said I'd have it destroy me, rather than not having her in my life.
So, this is how it's turned out. They break up with me/ (They really need me) I stick around and give them 7 years of support (Im being one sided, they gave me lots of support too, my help to them was a lot more physical) - They break up with me again/ (I really need them) they cut me off and think I've done all this on purpose.
I feel so empty, used, longing, painful.
I am also disappointed. They hadnt seen their family for 14 years, where I would encourage them to engage often, but they didnt really want to. It wasn't until things started getting sour between us, that she started getting back in touch with them and is now surrounded by them, seeing them all the time (I do think this is really great for them).
But I am all lone. I do have my sister but we arent close and she's 7 hours away.
Sorry I'm feeling sorry for myself tonight. Just having a tough time with it. I always did what I thought was the right thing - its like Im being punished.
But I am all lone. I do have my sister but we arent close and she's 7 hours away.
Sorry I'm feeling sorry for myself tonight. Just having a tough time with it. I always did what I thought was the right thing - its like Im being punished.
I had another nightmare this morning. In the dream I had spoken to the missing person on the telephone, they said they were at the hotel. I went to meet them, but I couldn't find them. I then was walking around the hotel, getting more and more distressed, I then woke up feeling like I wanted to die.
Aside from that and the incredible longing, Ive been stripping wall paper this afternoon. I'm trying to hold on, until I have my head doctors appointment on Thursday.
It's my birthday on Friday. I received a card today from my sister, at first I thought it was the missing person, I was so disappointed when I opened it and saw that it wasnt.
Aside from that and the incredible longing, Ive been stripping wall paper this afternoon. I'm trying to hold on, until I have my head doctors appointment on Thursday.
It's my birthday on Friday. I received a card today from my sister, at first I thought it was the missing person, I was so disappointed when I opened it and saw that it wasnt.
Another shit dream again this morning, every fucking night since Feb. We were at some event and she was sitting in a chair, I had to go to the bathroom, but I became lost and couldn't find her. Woke up feeling terrible again. I am getting totally fucking sick of this. I wish her would just get in contact with me, I miss them so much.
I have a psychiatry appointment on Thursday. Im a bit worried about it. Im going to be honest with them.
Since the break up i feel so empty, its also in the manner it was done. I still have the engagement ring i got for them. The idea was after they had a bit of space, we were meant to be meeting up again, i was going to propose.
Critics would say i should have married her years ago, there i did ask her about 10 years ago but she said no, she felt i should have asked before.
However, we discussed this element of history last year and she reconed she did say yes, but i never got around to arrange it. That wasnt the case, she definitely said no. How would a situation occur where you wouldnt get around to arranging the wedding, wouldnt the other person say hey come on, whats happening.
So much im not understanding. She is all im thinking about.
Since the break up i feel so empty, its also in the manner it was done. I still have the engagement ring i got for them. The idea was after they had a bit of space, we were meant to be meeting up again, i was going to propose.
Critics would say i should have married her years ago, there i did ask her about 10 years ago but she said no, she felt i should have asked before.
However, we discussed this element of history last year and she reconed she did say yes, but i never got around to arrange it. That wasnt the case, she definitely said no. How would a situation occur where you wouldnt get around to arranging the wedding, wouldnt the other person say hey come on, whats happening.
So much im not understanding. She is all im thinking about.
Apart of me is wanting to try and get through to her and im thinking by committing suicide, maybe she would then understand. I wouldnt be doing it to try and hurt her, to be honest i dont think she would be bothered and maybe she would make up a false reason to why ive done it. Even in death im not sure she would get it. But it might be away for her to see that all the horrible things she thinks about me isnt true. But as the days past im increasingly feeling this is the only choice.
