Back to rock bottom

This reminds me of something my mother said about feeling down. "Keep busy" is the advice she gave me. I noticed that it's true. If I'm involved in an activity it helps me. I give you credit for continuing your fight for life even though youre sad. For what it's worth, I think youre a pleasure to have around SF.

Thanks @Lane

I keep very busy. Ive got a house im doing up so its non stop. I understand behavioural activation therapy, just struggling and trying to process my emotions is near impossible.

Hope your doing okay.

I have my doctors app tomorrow. I so sick of going through stuff on my own, especially when i put so much effort into helping the missing person previously. Then after all those years of support to be made out to have been some horrible person, just so they could make it easier on themselves to have dumped me like this, to justify their actions to themselves. Im so upset and missing them so much, its difficult to bear.

Sorry you are still going through this rough crap. I'm just a guy with a dilapidated house and an air fryer, I wish I had more tools to offer you! But mostly all I can do is acknowledge you ❤️

For what it's worth, I believe that often all we need to do with our emotions is feel them. And cry, or laugh, depending on the emotion. You have suffered a tremendous loss, like a bereavement. After such a grave loss, it takes a while just to feel like you're able to tread water, never mind on the road to recovery - especially when the one you've lost is the very person you would have relied on to get you through it. I've been through this myself. As a result, i had to relocate to a new country with 2 kids in tow, find a job, get a house, support them and myself... "Keeping busy" for sure! It keeps you moving forwards.

I second what Lane said about you being great to have around this place, and I bet you are doing a fabulous job of renovating that old house.

@Licorice
Thanks for sharing your story and appreciate your advice.

I really struggle with processing my emotions so everything just seems impossible.

Its my birthday tomo where i hope my ex friend sends me a text, it would make my day. I miss them so much.

Hope you have a most excellent birthday tomorrow.

I hope it goes alright for you. I hate to think of you suffering on your birthday.

🌷🎂 Have a Happy birthday, text or no, it's your day to shine. Also, hope your new tattoo goes splendidly.

Happy Birthday, Inastorm

Thanks all for the happy birthdays, thats really nice.

I suppose i could call it good news but I had my doctors appointment this afternoon, almost 2 hours.

He was really good.

He feels i have a personality disorder and wants to give me borderline.

It was a bit strange as he said i needed to tick 5 out of 8 boxes of the ICD. I agreed with 3 out of 8 and he thought 4 out of 8. He also thought my personality disorder was low.

However, he wants to give me moderate and fit me into 5 out of 8 so i can access more help. I said id rather get the right diagonis but he explained it and it did make sense, though aspects of it i disagreed with.

He said unoffically he feels i have autism, and wants to get me to complete the autism assessment.

The interesting thing was, is he was autistic.

Next steps is a help program for the personality disorder, then will get me assessed for autism in 3 to 4 months.

Im trying to see it as something positive, though i wish some things were straight forward, as the 4 out of 8 and the 'fitting me into 5 out of 8' is doing my head in a bit.

I would prefer to do the autism assessment now/ soon but will have to wait.

My head is mashed.

Happy birthday 🎂

🌷 🎂

Dear inastorm I get into the habit myself do do many other people by over analyzing myself and what others think try not to do the that in your best way of possible just try to take one day at a time. If you analyze anything it can describe anyone

So, almost the end of my birthday. Bit of a strange day. The tattoo is good but i almost passed out every 5 mins as it was a bit too much for me today.

Nothing from my ex friend.

I sent a picture of my tattoo to my mum and she replied:

"Well that's what you wanted. It's horrible. You used to be so handsome. What a mess"

WTF! On my birthday as well. Very nice stable person my mum.

Anyway my head is very mashed up and im totally beyond suicidal thoughts or anything like that. Just feeling abused and broken.

Anyway im off to bed.
I miss my friend.

I wish that your day was a better time, and hope that things will get better for you quickly, but a on today for you. Wishing you the best.

wtf kind of a person says that to anyone let alone their kid on their birthday. You are a great person and I'm sure you're looks are plenty handsome. From your writing here even when you feel low your mind comes across as the opposite of mess.

I'm really, really sorry about that happening especially on your birthday.

I hope all our happy birthdays to you help lift your spirits a bit.

(h)

@seabird
Thanks for your kind message. Yes all the happy birthdays were really nice, i really appreciated them.

Unless you got the tattoo on your face, there's really no reason to think it would make you less handsome. I guess some people are just not into ink. The flip side is that I'm sure someone else will love it and think it makes you more attractive. What your mom finds attractive doesn't matter.