How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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So I finally yelled back at my family this morning. They keep persecuting me for my faith and I've had enough. They don't like the cross I wear around my neck and constantly tell me tuck it in, and say that I'm a hypocrite if I don't because it's "showy". They don't like that I like reading the Bible often. They don't like that I watch Biblical movies or Christian videos. They don't like me reading Christian books. They don't like that I have pictures of Jesus on my walls, a cross, and a Bible verse (Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand). This particular verse I chose when I felt that I was plagued by something evil and asked God for forgiveness and protection, so it means a lot to me and I love seeing it on my wall daily. Those are just a few examples. But basically, anything I say God-related, anything at all, they call me obsessed, a fanatic, and not normal. So I asked my brother a little while ago, why do you persecute me because of my love for God? And he says it's because I don't do other things, but that's a lie. I paint, I read fiction, I watch other TV shows and movies, I listen to music, I write, and I do embroidery. I definitely do other things, and he has a problem with me studying the word of God no matter what other hobbies I might do. So really, it's nothing to do with him thinking I'm obsessed. It's more jealousy, rage, and pain. He's said to me before, "why do you love God more than me? You hate me." That's what it's really about. That's the devil whispering in his ear that loving God means neglecting one another. No! It's the exact opposite. Loving God first means I am able to love others even more. And him falling for this nonsense constantly kind of angers me. Well, not angers, maybe frustrates; I just want to take him by the shoulders and shake him, and say "Don't fall for it, damn it. Fight, and he will flee. Your reasoning is deeply misguided." Jesus said he comes not to bring peace, but a sword, and that families will be divided. And that's exactly what this is because they're listening to the voice of the wrong one.
I'm regretting not asking cps if I could've been adopted. When I ran away from home and they picked me up I was only 13 so it could've worked. Now I'm 16 and a half and stuck in a shitty group home in some town in the middle of nowhere with nobody that I really have any connection to. It's crazy how much better my life could be if I just had a normal family.
Sorry about your situation, it's good you'll a member here. I used to work in a children's home as a support worker, I appreciate how difficult things can be.
The home I worked in was unsettled a lot of the time, as the young people each had their own issues, where it was common for things to get broken, windows etc. One young person would get upset when they lost on the play station and end up throwing it out the window, with the window closed.
The best thing to do, is try and keep your head down until you can move on.
The home I worked in was unsettled a lot of the time, as the young people each had their own issues, where it was common for things to get broken, windows etc. One young person would get upset when they lost on the play station and end up throwing it out the window, with the window closed.
The best thing to do, is try and keep your head down until you can move on.
Getting adopted is a dangerous risk for a child. Very few children are lucky to be adopted into a family that treats them well.
I have a couple of nephews who ended up in foster care. They were taken away by CPS after my sister got in trouble for some serious meth-related criminal charges.
They were not cared for well. The people they ended up (as in bouncing through multiple households) with were exploiting the foster care system to get money while neglecting the kids. My mom was able to arrange visitation with one, and he was not being fed well. Eventually my mom took it upon herself to pick him up and get food with him. My other nephew I don’t know as much about, but I can guess.
Based on the few cases I know of from having peers who were in foster care during the school years from 5th to 9th grade, this type of thing is more common than not. I don’t have statistics, but my point is that you may have dodged a bullet. It seems like any population that is vulnerable is going to attract predatory individuals willing to exploit them.
I have a couple of nephews who ended up in foster care. They were taken away by CPS after my sister got in trouble for some serious meth-related criminal charges.
They were not cared for well. The people they ended up (as in bouncing through multiple households) with were exploiting the foster care system to get money while neglecting the kids. My mom was able to arrange visitation with one, and he was not being fed well. Eventually my mom took it upon herself to pick him up and get food with him. My other nephew I don’t know as much about, but I can guess.
Based on the few cases I know of from having peers who were in foster care during the school years from 5th to 9th grade, this type of thing is more common than not. I don’t have statistics, but my point is that you may have dodged a bullet. It seems like any population that is vulnerable is going to attract predatory individuals willing to exploit them.
@cinnnamonflakez - I am reading over what I wrote this morning, and I regret not validating the very real pain in your present circumstances. Being in a group home is definitely a bad outcome. It's also entirely human and healthy to wish for a supportive and stable environment in which to grow and learn, make mistakes, and find out who we are. It's just sadly extremely rare.
Nonetheless, we are all on this site together because we do want to heal, and re-learn better ways to handle life than what was already provided. So - I think in all of our cases, we got a bad deal. Yet, we can also work toward giving ourselves the missing pieces that we missed out on. IDK - I hope that makes sense. My thought processes are bizarrely disorganized so I'm truly sorry if I'm rambling.
Nonetheless, we are all on this site together because we do want to heal, and re-learn better ways to handle life than what was already provided. So - I think in all of our cases, we got a bad deal. Yet, we can also work toward giving ourselves the missing pieces that we missed out on. IDK - I hope that makes sense. My thought processes are bizarrely disorganized so I'm truly sorry if I'm rambling.
Upset. Yesterday I was feeling very calm and myself, even euphoric at times. Got out for a run, managed to read, and my smart watch stats showed my nervous system free of stress all day - actually at rest. I started to feel a bit wobbly last night. Didn't sleep the best. And middle of today I had a horrible wave of anxiety and dread, found another issue with the fucking house when I'm not even up to sorting the other shit yet, and my watch has been stuck in stress all day, absolutely no stress free moments at all compared to yesterday being consistently in "rest" all day. Classic waves and windows pattern but God I hate it.
I'm disappointed and struggling with myself over an issue with one of my kiddos atm. Asked and then agreed for them to help me with something, and they seemed to have purposely hidden some extra benefits they added to of their side of the agreement. Now I'm in between standing my ground which will cause friction, or capitulating to their demands.
First time I have smiled today lol reading these posts. This time it's the lintel thinggy above the window, it has this weird marking on it and am sure I can see small cracks on the bottom (made the mistake of going out with my glasses on). It might be related to the bit that needs sealing. My nervous system is on such high alert that everything I see looks like a disaster. It's time for bed now, I hope I can get some sleep. The wave seems to be losing power and blowing itself out 🤞
