Depression holds me like a ball and chain.

I managed to shower and shampoo and get dressed. Now I'm eating a Maruchan cup of noodles. Next I have to blow-dry my hair. Then it will be too late to take a bus to Walmart. I blew through another day with little done.

Tomorrow I will definitely get to the store. My place is not too tidy. I have been keeping up with the dishes. This is a long time to be in these doldrums. Not having the car is driving some of this. I was used to shopping in the evening.

I'm not sad and crying like I was. It's profound apathy. There will be a price to pay for giving in to it.

You're right about that, Rose....there will be a price to pay for giving in to it.
Then don't give in to apathy.
Is there some activity or objective that you can define as meaningful or a purpose? To fill the space of profound apathy......

In my view of things, the day's not blown since you got the shower done and some food in you. Plus you said ou've been keeping the dishes washed as well. Put check marks (or something to make note of this) in a journal, even if it's not as big of a check mark as you might've wanted - it still very much counts.

You have our support to keep at this challenge @UrbanRose .

Thank you for the encouraging posts. I got the food shopping done. I stayed on the bus too long and missed my stop. When I got off, I had a much longer walk to the store. I'll know to pay closer attention in future. At least, where I live, the city buses are all free.

I got what I needed and called Uber to go home. The Uber ride came right away. The driver was nice and helped with my bags of groceries. The walking is actually doing me good. I've lost 5 pounds and feel stronger. I'll sleep good tonight.

So I'm making slow progress. If I get even one important thing done each day, I'll chalk those days up as wins. I think I'll get all the way back to normal that way . . . eventually. Recovery is happening, but it's happening slowly. It's amazing how much better I feel, after I get out of the house for a few hours.

Tomorrow I need to get a haircut, go to the post office and cook a pot of chili. The hardest thing is getting up in the morning and getting dressed.

I've continued to improve. I got my hair cut. Today I made chili. I've got my apartment looking neater. I've been out watering the rose bushes, talking to my neighbors, giving treats to my neighbors' dogs.

I guess I'm out of the doldrums. Now . . . if this will just last for a while. It's been one of the worst depressive episodes I've had. The thing now is to not backslide.

Hey I'm glad things have been better!

So happy you've doing better you deserve it. We got your back

Thanks for the posts. I am doing very well at present. I'm even humming and singing as I do housework - always a good sign with me.

Today I went through the pile of stuff I had brought in from my car. I had my car towed to the junk yard, back when it needed thousands of dollars of work, because it was 23 years old. I think that precipitated this recent bout of depression. I had dumped all the stuff from the trunk and car interior in my living room. The messy pile had sat there for months. I hated to even look at it. Over the past 3 days, I've been really interested in getting my apartment back in order. So today, finally, I tackled the mound of car stuff. Now my neglected abode is back feeling like a cozy home again. What a relief to be functioning again and wanting to do things! I've even gotten to where I actually like walking to do errands in my neighborhood. Uber is there when I need it. It nets out to a lot cheaper than trying to keep that car on the road was costing me. It had been one expensive repair after another. Anxiety over "what next" with the car is gone.

Now the only question is - how long can I maintain this. I feel very hopeful.

It was great to get encouragement from posters here. Sometimes I'm able to borrow hope from others, when my own has withered. But mine is back now.

That's good news!

I hope things will stay good and get even better

It's the kind of thing which signifies an end of an era, in this case your car and being able to drive. In my mind I'd see that as a really difficult thing to do, but you got it done.

It's good to read you have your hope back.

I feel hopeful that "upward" is the path I'm on now, and that I will continue to improve to an even better state of mind.

Realistically, I know life will bring more adversity, and it will sometimes stress me into depressive episodes. But they don't last forever. I just hope the next one doesn't take me down so low, for so long. While feeling good, I have to accomplish as much as I can. That will keep the momentum going and keep me out of the doldrums for a while.

So I've been getting up earlier and tackling things like cooking and cleaning. Last week, I sent a Mother's Day card to my sister with whom I had the falling out. I enclosed a note of apology. That took a load off my mind. She sent a friendly text, saying she appreciated the card and note. That too helped me get my head into a better space.

"End if an era" is an apt way to put it. It is a huge change to not have that car outside the door, ready for me to jump into whenever I wanted. I'm glad it didn't happen in the middle of winter, or when I was very sick in 2022, or when I had to make arrangements for a death in the family. Other challenges will come up, but, everyday, I'm finding more ways to navigate without the car. It now seems not so inconvenient to use alternative modes of getting around. I bought headphones and ear pods to use with my phone, so I can listen to music or news when I'm walking. Things do have a way of working out. I notice trees and flowers blooming as I walk. I'm getting more familiar with my neighborhood, which has much that is within walking distance. It's a big adjustment, but not without its upside.

It sounds like you're coming out the other side of the grief you've been feeling for what you've lost.

I stopped driving in 2015 when I moved to a place where a car was not necessary. A car brings one kind of freedom, but I've found living without one brings its own kind of freedom - especially freedom from all the costs associated with a car. My license has lapsed due to my not re-newing it, but that's fine by me: I don't plan on ever owning a car again.

Yes, this was like losing a good friend. Grief was part of it. Time passing seems to have eased the sense of loss.

I am glad to not have constant anxiety about the car needing work.

It is kind of nice to live where a vehicle is not essential. I used to live in NYC. During those years, I only rented a car now and then to take long trips.

Change is never easy for me. I'm a slow adaptor, but eventually I adjust. I just hope this lasts for awhile.

I haven't posted in a while because I've continued to not feel depressed. Once I really get out of an epidode, I tend to be fine . . . until the next episode. This has been a pretty good run of feeling better. I just need to work harder at getting things done, so I don't tumble down soon.

Eventually I will take a tumble because that's how my life goes. The last tumble had me down too low, for too long. What a relief to be recovered from that! Thanks again for listening to my woes and offering encouragement. It helps me to get a "jump start" from someone being understanding. I hope you're all enjoying summer in the northern hemisphere. Happy winter to anyone below the equator.