Insomnia? Welcome to Team NoSleep.
- Thread starter FlamingoWrangler
- Start date
- Tags insomnia team no sleep
I've paid for the 6 hours since. Very little on Saturday or Sunday, despite meds, and last night I went to sleep at 1.15am only to be wide awake again at 2.30am. Had to try a propranolol as I was out of options by that point aside from benzos (which I can't afford to fuck with again). It did calm my body at least and seemed to get something from 4.30am to 7am.
Well, well, well. Here I am. Tired, not sleepy. I am getting the super deep firelike cough. No lozenges. 2 bottles of water by the bed.
In other news-
I have a really old adjustable bed (frame) with an intermittent, failing remote. I have contacted the manufacturer- no help, bed too old, no tech support. Now I’m looking on Reddit for hacks. Using my extra awake time for good. I might have to Hotwire my bed. lol
In other news-
I have a really old adjustable bed (frame) with an intermittent, failing remote. I have contacted the manufacturer- no help, bed too old, no tech support. Now I’m looking on Reddit for hacks. Using my extra awake time for good. I might have to Hotwire my bed. lol
It’s just past midnight and I’m awake feeling sad. I’m seeing my sister going through a really rough time. I’m concerned because I’m watching her not taking care of herself, and I’m her brother, so I’m disturbed to see her suffering. But, like me, she can’t hear feedback. She has a diagnosable anxiety disorder going on. I’m diagnosed with it as well, but I have been through 25 years of therapy trying to unwind my limiting and untrue beliefs.
I want to help, but I don’t know how. She did try therapy, but it didn’t work out because the therapist kept telling her to do different things. She had endless reasons why anything that is suggested by anyone is not going to work for her. I gave up a while ago, but I am hearing from other family members, especially our mom, about this.
I don’t mean to be airing dirty laundry, but I am writing out why I am bothered. I don’t know how to be around someone I love who is in pain, but not willing to consider that her beliefs might need some reality testing.
It’s really exhausting because I want to be helpful and it’s like trying to herd cats. I just don’t know how to help and it’s bringing me down. I’m extra fortunate because I’m a druggy in recovery, which means I have a huge fellowship of people just like me with whom to connect. She’s got church but it doesn’t seem to be a very deep connection. So that’s kind of the thing. I’m able to get help from others because I learned how to take suggestions.
I nearly killed myself refusing to take suggestions, but at one point I was so frustrated with doing the same thing over and over, with the exact same result every single time - that I gave in. I was going to do whatever my friend suggested just to prove how nothing that worked for him could help me. In my mind, I was thinking, “oh this is so dumb, I will show him how it will backfire,” and then I started getting better. It turns out that taking advice from people who had already climbed out of a hole similar to the one I had dug myself into, got me out of my hole. Crazy, huh?
I know that I had to be ready to change before my shield against doing anything differently cracked. There was nothing anyone could say to me to get me out of my familiar misery.
So, I don’t try to tell her. I’m instead feeling empathy for my recovery peers who had to put up with my resistance for so long. So there’s that, and I miss living alone, by a mile. I feel like clothing is unnecessary indoors unless it’s to save on the heat bill, but obviously that only works in a one person household. It’s a lot of little things like that.
Another example is that first thing in the morning, I really, really get through that phase between getting out of bed and being fully awake, by preparing myself for my future heavy metal gig as a vocalist. For some reason, my roomies don’t appreciate my raging cover of Master of Puppets at 5:45 AM. So, it seems like an easy fix if I just move out. She’s not happy with me here; I am not happy, either, and so we would both be better off, although we’d both have higher living expenses. Oof, I don’t think anyone would read this anyway. Also, I’m hungry. Time to get a snack and try getting back in bed.
I want to help, but I don’t know how. She did try therapy, but it didn’t work out because the therapist kept telling her to do different things. She had endless reasons why anything that is suggested by anyone is not going to work for her. I gave up a while ago, but I am hearing from other family members, especially our mom, about this.
I don’t mean to be airing dirty laundry, but I am writing out why I am bothered. I don’t know how to be around someone I love who is in pain, but not willing to consider that her beliefs might need some reality testing.
It’s really exhausting because I want to be helpful and it’s like trying to herd cats. I just don’t know how to help and it’s bringing me down. I’m extra fortunate because I’m a druggy in recovery, which means I have a huge fellowship of people just like me with whom to connect. She’s got church but it doesn’t seem to be a very deep connection. So that’s kind of the thing. I’m able to get help from others because I learned how to take suggestions.
I nearly killed myself refusing to take suggestions, but at one point I was so frustrated with doing the same thing over and over, with the exact same result every single time - that I gave in. I was going to do whatever my friend suggested just to prove how nothing that worked for him could help me. In my mind, I was thinking, “oh this is so dumb, I will show him how it will backfire,” and then I started getting better. It turns out that taking advice from people who had already climbed out of a hole similar to the one I had dug myself into, got me out of my hole. Crazy, huh?
I know that I had to be ready to change before my shield against doing anything differently cracked. There was nothing anyone could say to me to get me out of my familiar misery.
So, I don’t try to tell her. I’m instead feeling empathy for my recovery peers who had to put up with my resistance for so long. So there’s that, and I miss living alone, by a mile. I feel like clothing is unnecessary indoors unless it’s to save on the heat bill, but obviously that only works in a one person household. It’s a lot of little things like that.
Another example is that first thing in the morning, I really, really get through that phase between getting out of bed and being fully awake, by preparing myself for my future heavy metal gig as a vocalist. For some reason, my roomies don’t appreciate my raging cover of Master of Puppets at 5:45 AM. So, it seems like an easy fix if I just move out. She’s not happy with me here; I am not happy, either, and so we would both be better off, although we’d both have higher living expenses. Oof, I don’t think anyone would read this anyway. Also, I’m hungry. Time to get a snack and try getting back in bed.
And it's 1am again... going to try a walk. See if that helps. These thoughts in my head when it's quiet and everyone is asleep is very mixed. On one end i am enjoying the peace and freedom i get without needing to explain myself, thoughts, or actions. On the other end it is extremely lonely. my thoughts become extremely toxic. Most of my attempts and sh throughout my life have been during these times. And it's a difficult battle i am quickly losing.
Sometimes I wonder about sleep.
I've read that before electricity, people slept in two stages, early in the evening and then awake for a few hours then back for a nap before dawn.
That is pretty much what I do. I am retired/disabled so I don't have a 8-5 to go to, but its lonely in the middle of the night, and I try to be quiet for my neighbors (thin walls here).
I've read that before electricity, people slept in two stages, early in the evening and then awake for a few hours then back for a nap before dawn.
That is pretty much what I do. I am retired/disabled so I don't have a 8-5 to go to, but its lonely in the middle of the night, and I try to be quiet for my neighbors (thin walls here).
