Back and other pains

I found out today I have a liposarcoma. They'll schedule surgery. I drove there, because I'm getting anxious and didn't want to wait all day for a possible phone call from my doctor. My doc is an anesthesiologist as well as a family doctor. I told the secretary after she said they'll be surgery to remove it in my town that I'd rather have my own doctor ''put me to sleep''. She said they don't necessarily put me to sleep for it.

It's big, to me, and I'm not looking forward to having it out without anesthesia. She said ''not necessarily''. .. I'm stubborn, I'm dutch. If I ask to be knocked out maybe I can get my way. I'm not afraid of it, I let my doctor take a lump off of my finger years ago, he just did local anesthia and cut it. I found it interesting to watch. It did hurt a lot later.

So without much pain meds, it really is a joke what I get, I'm concerned. Maybe he could temporarily give me extra oxycodone. The same piddly dose for 5 years barely does anything for me. I signed a contract a couple years ago which meant he'll never up my dose.

Maybe I should try to save some of mine that I do get, but I cant even drive for about an hour like today without my sacroiliac joints and back hurting.

Am so sorry to hear this. I guess I differ from you in that I would rather have local anesthesia. It sounds like they want to give that to you. Recovery would be much faster. Certainly there will be pain afterwards. It seems like, regardless of anesthesia used, you should be given extra pain killer for a while. I hate how reluctant doctors are to give people pain meds these days. It causes so much suffering. Please let us know how things work out.

Thank you @SillyOldBear . I'll let you guys know. I hope they wont be stingy on pain meds.

Sending you loving thoughts for the best healthy outcome of your surgery, recovery and well-being.
(h) @Reality

Sending you ❤️❤️❤️

Hoping for all the best for you @Reality

Thank you guys very much. I appreciate this forum and your kindness and thoughts.

I guess why I didn't want the local numbing stuff is because the lump is kind of big and I dont want to see it. I have no idea when they'll do this. I told my older son last night and he was surprised they diagnosed this only by ultrasound. He wants be to ask for a second opion, because I told him they are telling me it didn't grow when I know it did. He said, yes, it's not like you don't know your own body.

I also have smaller lumps in other places, so I hope I talk to my doctor first on the 22nd and ask about the other areas. I love both sons, my older son is so anit doctor anti meds, he wont take a tylenol. He was sick once and I brought him natural ginger gravol, he said he took that. I didn't want to upset him, but someone should know what's going on. He does well, has worked hard for what he has, and I kinda love the smirky better than you attitude sometimes when I ask him how his work day was. Oh i just '' .........................................did............................................................................................................................ all day long" I'm giggling. He does do a lot. He used to complain I did nothing all day, say I made excuses for not cleaning up, and honestly way back then he was right. I was depressed but I could have done more about it.

I finally had a boyfiend he met, and right away my son says "Yeah, she sits around here in her apartment with the curtains closed all day long.'' It was true, I didn't like it then but he was basically saying please get my mom feeling better and hopefully out of here. It worked for a while, I was kind of happy. I'm rambling, I don't want to tell my sister, she laughed when I said I had something serious years ago. Anyway, whenever I find out what's going on I won't write so much.

We like hearing from you, especially now. Hope it's okay to say I think it's wise of you to only tell people who you trust and who will support you. It's a vulnerable time; you have a right to boundaries and to refrain from telling someone who might scorn or laugh. (h) @Reality

Praying for you hope your ok. Technology are getting better and better

Thank you for understanding @seabird I'm glad I have this place even if it seems I'm rambling, it helps calm my nerves.

Yes I need my boundaries up. I did tell my sister I was concerned about this lump a few months ago, she hasn't said anything at all, kind of got angry when I said our brother said getting a biopsy can make it spread. Just a curt ''whatever you think'' text.

My brother is more supportive. I'm not saying anything to my sister again. I'll just feel ignored . It's been that way a long time anyhow. I might say ''oh it resolved itself, it's nothing.'' She can get out of hand, even did with my parent's health.

My older son I know I can trust, not to blab to anyone, and my brother.
That's all I need. And this forum. Thank you for your support everyone.

Thank you for the prayers @Lifeisthis and yes, it's a comfort I didn't think about much but they can diagnose things with all the things we have now. I hope you're doing ok yourself.

Much better now that I have a good doctor thanks for your wishes. Always liked your posts Reality. Finding a good doctor is sometimes diffcult but not impossible.

I got the call today for when I meet the surgeon. It's not for another 2 and a half months. Healthcare is nice, but if you need surgery or a specialist there's long wait times here. I waited for a full year for a specialist a long time ago. I'll feel better when I see my own doctor next week and explain some more things. Having fevers often isn't normal.

That's rough @Reality. I'm sorry they've set it up that far off. Hope it's okay to say I admit it makes me worried for you.
(h)

It's ok seabird. It could be worse. Maybe if my doctor can feel these other spots he can speed it up but I don't think so. I don't mind telling my brother things. He said when they take this out they'll probably take the other bumps out too. Then, I guess I should have laughed, he said ''or they'll chop your arm off''... I said ''That's what I'm trying to avoid!!'' He didn't say anything after that, but he's good at changing the subject.

I don't like relying on talking to him so much, he sounded tired, but he said, no, I'm ok. But I know he's not. I think I should vent more on here. There isn't anything really to do but wait. It could be much less serious than what I'm thinking, so I'll keep telling myself that I'll be well and it will get resolved. Can I ask what (h) means? I'm assuming it means hugs, but I looked it up what it means in text and google says it means something like ''huh''? I hope you're ok as can be, I know you're feeling down from your other posts. hugs.

Thank you for the hug @Reality. I'm down, but not defeated. (h) has to me always meant hugs. It's slightly shorter to write, and I like how the h has the parentheses around it like arms hugging. Since I'm thinking about it, I'll add that whenever I put a hug on posts it's with the caveat that if a person doesn't like or isn't in the mood for a virtual hug, that it simply isn't there. There's a word used to describe a termporary waterfall which is only present during rain or snow-melts: fugitive. Not like a person getting away with somehting, but rather something with a brief existence which fades quickly. Those are fugitive hugs when I write (h). lol That's an example of me giving in to a bit of my over-thinking. 🤗

Thank you for explaining it to me. I thought it meant hugs. I'm glad you're keeping going. Maybe you overthink, I do too. But I can't worry too much about what i write or I wont post at all... so I don't mind hugs at all, and it makes sense the way you desribed it. Also, I never knew fugitive had a different meaning too. I like learning new words. I might try it with my doctor. Just to see how he reacts. I'll say I have pain but it's fugitive. I am a little weird, and I want to know if he really cares about my pain. He had a small smile when I had the robaxacet sitting there. Maybe he was hopeful I stopped using the oxycodone. But that small dose still helps me with pain when driving especially. And nobody who reads this worry, it's a small dose I've been on for 5 years and it doesn't make me tired or affect my driving.

I had a funny idea, if I could find a shirt that has bold letters of the word PAIN maybe it would catch his attention? i dont know anymore lol, whatever will work. Thanks for writing to me.

I had my appointment with my own doctor (yesterday). it's the middle of the night. He's very dismissive about my pain. At least after explaining what it's like he acknowleged it as ''chronic'' pain, and will refer me to a pain clinic, this time I'll give it a try. He didn't address my concerns for other bumps. I'll find out end of September hopefully. I don't know if I'm going to go to meet and talk to the surgeon, or if this is a date to take it out. I'll call the hospital they should be able to tell me. I really want to go for a long drive, to make use of the car in the summer.

He told me the size of my lump. I mentioned usually a biopsy is done first, but also just getting it out works, then they can look at it and see what it is for sure. He said that's what they are going to do. I've finally got my mri's for my back, in January. Wait lists are kind of annoying. But I'm being helped so no complaints.

Just venting. Oh I'm so incredibly sore, I drove a long way to get the guitar back to the ex. My closure. I'm glad I didn't run into him. I just don't know if I'll really make it back home tomorrow. It's the worst my back has ever been. I layed down for 5 minutes, went to get up and it's like my back is ripping apart. Even pain meds can't make this better. I should have known not to drive for 7 hours here.