Life Begins at 40........Oh Really?

According to your last sentence, you prefer solitude. So being alone has advantages. It happens to be the case with me. Alone as I am, my solitude is something I value as it helps to develop serenity.

I am the same way. Unfortunately I found that out after getting married. And having two kids. Now I am so unhappy and trapped. There isn’t a quiet room in our house. I need a quiet space daily to reset. We don’t have the money to move. We share a car and I can’t get away to a cafe. I am absolutely at my wits end. I’ve developed a drinking problem. Work is suffering. I don’t see any way out besides running out the clock and burning 15 years of my life. I know what I need. I cannot get it in these circumstances. But I will not leave my family. But it takes so much energy just to get through every day and I’m looking for a way out.

When I was married and sharing a home with two kids who spent all of their free time emitting bloodcurdling shrieks at their xboxes, what helped me get through the days and preserve this semblance of sanity was getting noise cancelling headphones, and listening to things like this.

I was lucky, my wife usually watched the kids as well as clean the house cook etc. don't worry I did a lot also lol. but all my wife had to do to keep the kids quiet is say that she will wake up daddy. (I worked 3rd shift) it was rare but if I got woken up they were very sorry. I never touched them but I knew how to ground them lol.

For sure. Not so much noise canceling headphones for me but white noise cranked up. Good advice.

It worked wonders for me at the time. As soon as I put on the headphones and started listening to the white noise, all of that stress from their screaming would start evaporating away immediately. I probably managed to stay married an extra year or two because of that, lol. Good luck @bluesky8 , I hope it helps you get some relief.

I just turned 50. Have always been told I look 10 to 15 years younger. All started to change within the past year. Very suddenly and now I've just found out this week I have bone spurs and arthritis in my neck. Came after pain doing a 5k walk with coworkers. My finances took a major dive in my 40s. I was in a better place financially when I was 35. Never had a relationship and terrified for my future.

Just happened to return to this thread again after over half a year... often wondering whether anyone has "graduated" from this, or found answers or anything helpful at all. Unlike fine wine, this problem doesn't age well (at least for me).

Hi @FFurry. I turned the big 5-0 this year. So, I'm just baffled at where my life has gone. Been here a year now, so it's a little better but, yes, I'm thinking now about...wow, I have lived over half my life.

I have found that with a job, I think that I'm content doing something not so taxing..slacker, underachiever, realist? I think after job hunting and thinking it was age discrimination I was happy to get a job. Oh, and I discovered hair dye!

Mine has not improved in the least. I'm more depressed, feel more hopeless and am exhausted from trying to get help. I think of things I've done and then realize it's been 15, 16, 17 years, jet straight ahead to the future and only envision things getting worse.

life doesn't begin at all for many at any 'age', what are the numbers anyway, my age is nothing more than a floating timeline of traumatised fragments

well i have never even seen this thread before. for me, if life began at 40 then it certainly ended at 39.

by my thinking i do have a chance for it resuming at 68 but that remains to be seen. the best one can do by my thinking is recall the best you had and smile, enjoy things that frequently show up like the sunrise on a sunny morning. a hawk flying by in your local park and or whatever. maybe painting a picture or a well kept car or writing some poems or whatever anyone else does. then when the overwhelming stuff is dumped upon you again (and again) you may have a little buffer. maybe looking for life to begin is not realistic. anyway, to me living here on earth is just a tiny part of a greater process. i don’t know what the f88k that process is but that does not even matter. i feel sure that the process is real.

mostly i hate lots of situations i’m stuck in by the circumstances of my living and am victimized by something in me that i don’t understand but the poetry works for me. the forest works for me and even though i can count all the good on one hand and am frequently smothered by the bad at my advanced age i still prefer to jus keep going for as long as i can and enjoy whatever good comes around however infrequently.

i don’t know but maybe that’s the best anyone can do. that, and virtually “holding hands” in a circle somehow with comrades. maybe?

Agree that we get "stuck" in situations of our circumstances...based on where we live, family, finances, health. Like the cliche', "dealing with the cards we are dealt".

Much of what you've written struck a chord with me. Lately, upon waking or driving I find myself thinking about the past, things I've supressed, my eldest daughter, broken marriage, lack of career, etc. Then, I try to do what a counselor told me at the hospital..
Take a hammer to that old cassette tape, and smash it.

It's in the past. I try.

I think you're saying to live in the present D?
I luv your hawk observations. I honestly just want to be myself and not worry or hurt. I thought I put the issue of my eldest daughter to rest. I know I keep bringing it up. Anyway, reread your post and I'm glad that you have your poetry. Thank you for the reminder to express myself. I always say I'm going to draw more but then don't.

When you turn 40, your halfway to being 80.

Remember, double your age and think about it

i don’t know if i’m actually saying live in the present unless what i’m saying is what those who say live in the present mean. i know people could look at me and say i’m dwelling on the past! but then i think my past is here with me now today not merely tagging along. but it is just not revealing itself. and wearing a concrete mask! i have a need to know. hijacker may be beating me but as ineffective as i may be, i’m gunna put up a fight to the very end. i like that idea of the casette. maybe i’m just not up to it yet.

that hawk (or members of its family) has been in the neighborhood for years. it must be at least an omen - or a guide or even a spirit of mine. (of others too i guess).

one’s own creativity, being creative in some way - be it cooking, poetry, drawing or doing something special while taking a walk or anything, is great. Do it Lane! and everyone! i think even those who think they cant be, are. come to think of it, poetry did not really take off as a part of my life until after 40. its still going srong. so at this point. maybe i can offer something accurate about what age life begins at. i’ll take a stab at it.... it begins at the end. but it doesn’t stop there. it may not be not a popular idea with many in this day and age, and could appear unscientific as well, but i’d have to disagree.

Thanks everyone... I have also heard accounts of how life can "begin" when it ends, as in someone deciding on impulse to end it all. If the attempt proves successful, the person may realize that they don't really want to quit just yet. They might then try to save themselves in desperation, but it's too late when their eyes are opened as they're taking their last breath. At least it's something worth taking home for the dark times.

I just have to say for the record - to emphasize - that this is not what I was expressing in my above statement (making sure no one misreads me). And that as I see it, our lives, my life, is just a phase of existence and that living it as complete as fully as can naturally be done is the course that is most in accord with overall existing - eternally speaking.

To some extent, 'life begins' whenever you want it I guess.
It's just that in my 40s, I don't have the energy/ balls to go for it. It's biology - my knees crack when I bend them, I always feel my body can't make a decent range of movement and don't even get me started on thinking about menopause. Sometimes I forget and just do whatever it is anyway and feel great. If it goes wrong though, I don't have the bounce-back that I had when I was younger.
Perhaps it's an isolation thing? I had friends then who I could vent to and then move on from it. It really does get harder making friends as you get older - or did I just get lazy?
(Pause for though, Brave... lazy might be it! )

Making friends has been impossible for me.