Empathy Only Jealous of kids

there is always hope. there are a lot of lonely people out there. maybe if you are receptive to it you will find that special person and 2 people can stop being lonely...mike...

I agree with @1964dodge, but can also understand lack of hope. This is especially so if nothing had ever worked out despite trying repeatedly and believing in the usual advice. The fact that it seems to work out for just about everyone else adds insult to injury as well.

Years ago, I participated in a forum devoted to involuntary celibacy, long before "incel" became a four-letter word associated with violence. People there supported one another and did their best to find solutions. That forum is long gone, with no replacement. Maybe the mods would be willing to create a subforum here (even despite the already large number of subforums). It would be helpful to talk to others in the same boat, and maybe we could find some answers together.

I agree with @1964dodge, but can also understand lack of hope. This is especially so if nothing had ever worked out despite trying repeatedly and believing in the usual advice. The fact that it seems to work out for just about everyone else adds insult to injury as well.

Years ago, I participated in a forum devoted to involuntary celibacy, long before "incel" became a four-letter word associated with violence. People there supported one another and did their best to find solutions. That forum is long gone, with no replacement. Maybe the mods would be willing to create a subforum here (even despite the already large number of subforums). It would be helpful to talk to others in the same boat, and maybe we could find some answers together.

I dm'd into to you.

I was also in that group. Now that term is associated with males who are violent due to the inability to connect with women. It's amazing when I hear kids talk about 'incels' and make fun of them my therapist had never heard of the term but is very aware when she hears it now. She also has never known anyone like me. All the more isolating.

The woman who started the page 'Alana' stopped because she met someone. A couple of years ago she revisited the project and did a survey. There were very few in my age group. The idea of the project was to communicate with the mental health community and try to get people that could help us. it was unsuccessful and she abandoned the project last November. So, yeah, mental health people don't even know people like us. It makes me sad. It makes me angry. And so for people who say not to give up hope, I say why not? These are people who don't know this pain. So, I respectfully disagree with anyone who thinks I should be ok with this. It's not ok

Today is crappy. I'm trying to work and this girl who is 25 and got married in Decemberbus bothering me. Constant happy emails and pictures. Today she announces she's pregnant to 50 of us. Constant congratulations distracting me. I am ready to cry, feel inadequate, alone and want to die. No escape.

You aren't inadequate. I understand that triggering it. I get really upset very very upset when I see pregannat women and mother's and little kids. It's awful. I try to be ok, but it's hard. I understand.
When you had therapy, was it ever trauma related?

Trauma therapy, yes EMDR only made things worse. Now I'm working with a therapist who is doing ACT. Honestly don't understand how it's different from my normal way of thinking but I'm trying. My hormones are all askew. No one ever explained menopause and all the problems associated with it. Mt hormones have always controlled me and I know that, in addition to negative experiences , has caused my depression. I can't control my hormones although. I'm trying HRT right now. I work for an airline. Anything hallucinogenic is not an option and I personally don't trust them. I'm glad it works for you but I won't try. I have tried alternative medicine to no avail. I have a hard time with conventional medication as well. I can't even take cold medicine without bawling. I wish I could stop all of my prescription medications and start from scratch.

I'm post menopausal. Happened to me at a fairly young age. Always here if you want to talk. Menopause is the great secret we're not supposed to speak about. I went through it alone at 48. It was tough. I'm much better now, in terms of the physical stuff. Emotional? Not so much (because like you I have depression issues). I am also on HRT. It's not been bad. Anyway, if you need a companion in menopause. I am here.

Thanks. Might take you up on that. I have a telehealth appointment later today with the gynecologist. I was told two days after I turned 51 that I was menopausal. The year before I wasn't even close. Now I'm on the verge of turning 52.

why do you feel bad that your nephew is getting marred? this should be a joyous occasion that your nephew has found someone. your day may come some day....mike...

It's been 11 months. I feel bad because I can't recapture this time. I hurt. And I hate myself for being jealous. My pain is greater than my love for him and that in itself kills me. My time won't come. I just simply wasn't given the option. My current therapist has said I've just had bad luck. So, in hindsight there was nothing I could have done. I'm just SOL. I like her. She says there are still opportunities but my experience wont be what I always wanted because I am older and have to be realistic. I see my body changing, I feel invisible, I'm not attracted to people, so, you know, chances are slim. It's easy to say be happy for him. Of course I want him to be happy but I am a selfish and horrible person who can't cope with being different.

I understand why you feel the way you do. I do agree with others when they say that age doesn’t determine when you will find love. I often tell people that it’s essential to first learn to love yourself. Set the bar to how you should be treated. Loving yourself will give you confidence. People are attracted to confidence and they respect it.

I despise church. That is actually a huge trigger. I probably feel more suicidal during a church service than anywhere else.

I have to go to a new doctor next week for pelvic pain. It's been chronic since I was young. The medical community has been extremely unkind when they find out I've never been with anyone. I've been called a liar, I've been told they've never met anyone like me-- it's humiliating. Usually I just deflect but when I see specific questions just to register, I break down. I'm so scared of being ridiculed. Please don't say I'm overreacting. It's been happening for 30 years. I'm scared of being laughed at again. I can't get help because I'm a freak. For the most part, I hate doctors. If you can't say something kind, please move on. I'm very fragile and insensitive comments can break me. And for those who tell me to go to the empathy area, maybe I should just tag this freaking thread empathy only

So sorry to hear that you've been shamed by the medical community - they have absolutely no reason to do that. If the most exotic thing they ever see is someone who hasn't had sex, that is just ridiculous. I'm not sure but maybe you might get a gynecologist to just cut your hymen (if you have one)? I think that is the only physical difference. Please do not feel ashamed because there is nothing wrong with having not had sex and many people haven't. Never, ever feel ashamed of your body because the human body is an amazing thing and any medical professional worth their salt should be focused on that more than on any sexual activities of their patients. Sheesh