End it all

Thank you, I appreciate that. I notice you’re from Kent! I’m in Essex lol

Yay! Not too far away. 🎉

Just the other side of that god awful bridge lol

Absolutely. Drove that way yesterday and the queue to get over had backed up for miles. Fortunately I was traveling in the opposite direction. Just drove past poor people sitting in their cars waiting in the queue. 🙄

I do not envy you! I avoid going that way like the plague 😂

How are you doing? Xx

Yes, because one's focus starts to narrow. Not good. This is why it's very important to talk to someone when feeling desperate.

My mom was rarely happy. But she was there.
My dad left
I've suffered the consequenses of that rejection since (trust issues, low self esteem etc)
No matter how you feel you aren't good enough for them, you simply being there does more than you can imagine
I'm sorry to make your thread about me, but believe me .. You being there matters
I really hope everything will get better, I think it will!

@Dinolaur - I just noticed this thread. I wish I noticed when it was new. I wanted to say that I have enjoyed our conversations in chat. I am sorry it is so painful for you now. I would echo the sentiment of samwise above. My mom was not perfect, she did the best she could although she was only able to make minimum wage after my parents split. My dad stuck around for 6 years but then he abandoned us. I am in contact with my mom today. I am still bitter about my dad, though. The point being, that presence counts for a lot more in the eyes of a growing human.

No parent does a perfect job, and by what measure would we even determine that anyway? If you love them and do the best you can, they will feel that. Kids are especially sensitive to whether their caregivers are kind or not. That’s the most important thing, IMHO, based on my past experience of being the same age your kids are today. I hope you can find some comfort.

@Dinolaur Like Jack, I just found this thread. But I remember you well. You were a fixture in chat. I hope you will come back. You were liked there and you are missed now. I hope some brightness comes back into your life soon.

I don't know what this is worth coming from me, but my Mom - both my parents - were deeply miserable for decades after my brother died. It's true that I was upset to see them this way. However, they held on through it, and now they are well adjusted and find ease, productivity, and happiness together, each day. I've been with them all throughout. I'm glad I get to see them as they are now.