Things emotionally abusive people say/have said to us.
- Thread starter Aurelia
- Start date
So I shut off my phone service a while ago because my husband blamed me for his phone breaking, even though I had nothing to do with it. And the emergency benefit program that allows you to get free phones only allows one per household. We used to have 2 and they didn't seem to notice, but ever since I shut mine off, they won't let me sign up for a new one. He got his new phone though thanks to the fact that I shut mine off...for his sake, even though I got blamed for something I didn't do. He was actually the one doing something wrong and fucked up at the time, for that matter, but I won't even get into that. But anyway, he had another phone in his name (not sure how they allowed that, but they did), but it wasn't a smart phone or anything, just an old 3G phone, but it worked for the time being for me for calling and texting. So I used that for a while after shutting my service off, but eventually they caught on that he had two phones in his name and shut off the one I was using. So now I have no phone at all. We had $700 saved up, and I could have gone and just bought a new phone with Metro or something, but that didn't happen because he took all that money and didn't give me a fucking dime to help me get a new phone. Instead, he started spending it on drugs, and that was all good because it was what HE wanted to do, but when I need to get a phone to be able to talk to my boss and co-workers, I wasn't allowed to do that apparently. Maybe he spent it all already on more drugs and that's the real reason why he wouldn't let me get the phone, who the fuck knows. But either way, it's extremely fucked up.
And then because of that whole thing, we got into a huge argument about other shit and he basically said he wasn't going to do a thing to work on our relationship or try to compromise with me and the only way our marriage would work is if I complied and agreed with everything he said and did. I was like fuck you, no, that ain't happening. So then it escalated to talking about breaking up again. He's the one who said it first, not me. But I won't stay somewhere I'm not wanted and with someone who doesn't want me. Fucking... ugh. It's just all so frustrating that I don't even know how to explain it. Because I as busy arguing with his ass, I was almost late for work, but he and the useless junkie fuck we live with saw me on the way and gave me a ride. And then my husband comes out of the car while my manager is at the front door when I specifically asked him nicely not to do that because he stole from there on almost a daily basis and I'm now working there and being offered a promotion for assistant manager. But he got out anyway, made sure she noticed we were together, and did it on purpose either just to piss me off or to literally try to fuck up this opportunity for me out of spite. And then he started acting like the victim because he supposedly felt bad that I was ashamed of him. It's not about fucking being ashamed, it's about you making me fucking look bad in front of the person who literally has my career in her hands. I'm sure she remembers him stealing before and now that she knows I'm affiliated with him, it's quite possible that she thinks I might steal too and my promotion might go bye-bye as quickly as it came. But yeah, supposedly he's the victim in all of this in his crazy ass mind. I got home from work today and he wasn't even home. He was out again doing fuck knows what, possibly getting high again. So I guess so much for being sober and trying to save up money like he initially said he would do. That money we had could be as good as gone by now for all I know and he refuses to show it to me. It's a fucking nightmare, I swear to fucking god. He keeps acting like this, I might leave and go back to living with my brother again because he is fucking impossible to communicate and compromise with. The very definition of a fucking narcissist/sociopath who cares mainly about himself.
There's also this pretty cute guy at work who has been really cool and nice to me, but he has a girlfriend and I'm married too so I would never try to do/say anything inappropriate as long as that's the case. But, like, he literally makes sure that I'm okay constantly when it comes to job training and explains things really well, trying to help me learn everything. He offers me free cigarettes all the time, and even walks me over to the bus stop when we get off work together just to make sure I get home okay. Now, call me crazy, but that's something my fucking husband should be doing, no? Instead, I'm being treated better by a guy I've only known for three days than someone I've known for 9 years who supposedly "loves" me. How does that fucking work? He also gave me his number and told me to text him anytime if I needed help with work and that he'd be there right away if i needed him because he lives really close by, and also just to text him as a friend to bullshit anytime as well. He claims he likes me and likes talking to me and honestly I can't tell if there's anything there or if he's really just that friendly by nature. But like I said, since neither of us are single, nothing can really come of it even if there is something there. It just sucks that he treats me better than my own husband. Like, fuck...how fucked up is that?
And then because of that whole thing, we got into a huge argument about other shit and he basically said he wasn't going to do a thing to work on our relationship or try to compromise with me and the only way our marriage would work is if I complied and agreed with everything he said and did. I was like fuck you, no, that ain't happening. So then it escalated to talking about breaking up again. He's the one who said it first, not me. But I won't stay somewhere I'm not wanted and with someone who doesn't want me. Fucking... ugh. It's just all so frustrating that I don't even know how to explain it. Because I as busy arguing with his ass, I was almost late for work, but he and the useless junkie fuck we live with saw me on the way and gave me a ride. And then my husband comes out of the car while my manager is at the front door when I specifically asked him nicely not to do that because he stole from there on almost a daily basis and I'm now working there and being offered a promotion for assistant manager. But he got out anyway, made sure she noticed we were together, and did it on purpose either just to piss me off or to literally try to fuck up this opportunity for me out of spite. And then he started acting like the victim because he supposedly felt bad that I was ashamed of him. It's not about fucking being ashamed, it's about you making me fucking look bad in front of the person who literally has my career in her hands. I'm sure she remembers him stealing before and now that she knows I'm affiliated with him, it's quite possible that she thinks I might steal too and my promotion might go bye-bye as quickly as it came. But yeah, supposedly he's the victim in all of this in his crazy ass mind. I got home from work today and he wasn't even home. He was out again doing fuck knows what, possibly getting high again. So I guess so much for being sober and trying to save up money like he initially said he would do. That money we had could be as good as gone by now for all I know and he refuses to show it to me. It's a fucking nightmare, I swear to fucking god. He keeps acting like this, I might leave and go back to living with my brother again because he is fucking impossible to communicate and compromise with. The very definition of a fucking narcissist/sociopath who cares mainly about himself.
There's also this pretty cute guy at work who has been really cool and nice to me, but he has a girlfriend and I'm married too so I would never try to do/say anything inappropriate as long as that's the case. But, like, he literally makes sure that I'm okay constantly when it comes to job training and explains things really well, trying to help me learn everything. He offers me free cigarettes all the time, and even walks me over to the bus stop when we get off work together just to make sure I get home okay. Now, call me crazy, but that's something my fucking husband should be doing, no? Instead, I'm being treated better by a guy I've only known for three days than someone I've known for 9 years who supposedly "loves" me. How does that fucking work? He also gave me his number and told me to text him anytime if I needed help with work and that he'd be there right away if i needed him because he lives really close by, and also just to text him as a friend to bullshit anytime as well. He claims he likes me and likes talking to me and honestly I can't tell if there's anything there or if he's really just that friendly by nature. But like I said, since neither of us are single, nothing can really come of it even if there is something there. It just sucks that he treats me better than my own husband. Like, fuck...how fucked up is that?
Reading all the awful things everyone has posted that others have said to them is truly heartbreaking, wow 
I'm so sorry everyone that you've had to experience such hurtful and very untrue verbal abuse. I agree with what some others in here said, the people who can say and do such abusive things like that are despicable narcissists and clearly very miserable.
Nothing I've had said to me seems to really compare but I'll put some of them here anyway cos they were still very hurtful, especially at the time they were said to me.
At age 11 - Said to both me and my sis by my dad and stepmother, that we were "stunned", hit in the head with a stunned gun, spaced out (this one isn't so bad I guess, was still hurtful though) and other things too.
Stepmother (very loving, kind and understanding person that she is) said all kinds of other mean things to me since I was stuck living there from age 11-14 before I was finally free to go live with my mom again thank god. Some things she called me were: supergeek, dork, dolt, a loser, idiot and all kinds of other mean things.
When she wasn't verbally abusive she still managed to be mean in lots of other ways, sometimes by pretending I wasn't even there and not talking to me. Overall I prefered the not talking to me but at those ages it was very hard since I was so curious and full of questions about things. I was damn lucky I at least had my uncle that I could talk to on the phone when I got to see my mom every second weekend. Believe me, that was the highlight of my life for those miserable 3 years, when I got to be comfortable to just be myself on those wonderful weekend escapes to see my mom and sis for a couple days.
At age 14 - Wasn't said directly to me, but my stepmother said to my dad that I was a "mistake". All he did was mumble something about that "not being very nice".
At age 17 - A few wonderful (sarcasm) things were said to me at this age.
By my mom - That she wished she'd had an abortion (instead of have me).
- That I wasn't good enough and didn't have what it took to have a boyfriend. This was at a time when I wanted one more than anything and already had doubts about whether any guy would ever really like me or not.
By a guy online that I was talking to - When I sent him a pic of me -
Him: "Oh, you're hot"
Me: "Really, you think so?"
Him: "Oh ya, I'd totally date you"
Him: "Not"
Him: "You are the ugliest piece of shit"
(Signed off)
Ya, that one upset me quite a bit. I get the impression most people I've told about it don't really get how devastating that was for me but whatever, was a long time ago now at least but ya that hurt a lot despite it not being from a "family member" or "friend".
At age 21
My grandma could sometimes be quite mean and hurtful, she said to me one time that "Even if she didn't like me as a person, she'd always love me" and when we were in Spain for a couple weeks she said I'd "never be there again" so basically showing me she had zero faith in me and that one day I might have the financial ability to be able to go to Europe or travel anywhere else. When my weight was maybe 30 pounds over what was an ideal weight for my height, she described me as being "obese". Later (might have been a couple months after, can't remember exactly) when I told her I felt upset when she said that to me, she claimed she "didn't remember saying that" so that was nice.
There've been some upsetting things that have happened since that age but for the most part the abuse has lessened thankfully. It probably wouldn't have if I hadn't decided after that Spain trip with my grandma that I did not want to have much contact with her anymore. I have stuck to that since I first said it to her in 2005, have seen her very rarely and for at least a couple years I did not see or talk to her at all. There's a lot of other family members I have limited contact with as well, I basically never see or talk to my stepmother and have no desire to since as far as I know she's pretty much still the same.
I'm so sorry everyone that you've had to experience such hurtful and very untrue verbal abuse. I agree with what some others in here said, the people who can say and do such abusive things like that are despicable narcissists and clearly very miserable. Nothing I've had said to me seems to really compare but I'll put some of them here anyway cos they were still very hurtful, especially at the time they were said to me.
At age 11 - Said to both me and my sis by my dad and stepmother, that we were "stunned", hit in the head with a stunned gun, spaced out (this one isn't so bad I guess, was still hurtful though) and other things too.
Stepmother (very loving, kind and understanding person that she is) said all kinds of other mean things to me since I was stuck living there from age 11-14 before I was finally free to go live with my mom again thank god. Some things she called me were: supergeek, dork, dolt, a loser, idiot and all kinds of other mean things.
When she wasn't verbally abusive she still managed to be mean in lots of other ways, sometimes by pretending I wasn't even there and not talking to me. Overall I prefered the not talking to me but at those ages it was very hard since I was so curious and full of questions about things. I was damn lucky I at least had my uncle that I could talk to on the phone when I got to see my mom every second weekend. Believe me, that was the highlight of my life for those miserable 3 years, when I got to be comfortable to just be myself on those wonderful weekend escapes to see my mom and sis for a couple days.
At age 14 - Wasn't said directly to me, but my stepmother said to my dad that I was a "mistake". All he did was mumble something about that "not being very nice".
At age 17 - A few wonderful (sarcasm) things were said to me at this age.
By my mom - That she wished she'd had an abortion (instead of have me).
- That I wasn't good enough and didn't have what it took to have a boyfriend. This was at a time when I wanted one more than anything and already had doubts about whether any guy would ever really like me or not.
By a guy online that I was talking to - When I sent him a pic of me -
Him: "Oh, you're hot"
Me: "Really, you think so?"
Him: "Oh ya, I'd totally date you"
Him: "Not"
Him: "You are the ugliest piece of shit"
(Signed off)
Ya, that one upset me quite a bit. I get the impression most people I've told about it don't really get how devastating that was for me but whatever, was a long time ago now at least but ya that hurt a lot despite it not being from a "family member" or "friend".
At age 21
My grandma could sometimes be quite mean and hurtful, she said to me one time that "Even if she didn't like me as a person, she'd always love me" and when we were in Spain for a couple weeks she said I'd "never be there again" so basically showing me she had zero faith in me and that one day I might have the financial ability to be able to go to Europe or travel anywhere else. When my weight was maybe 30 pounds over what was an ideal weight for my height, she described me as being "obese". Later (might have been a couple months after, can't remember exactly) when I told her I felt upset when she said that to me, she claimed she "didn't remember saying that" so that was nice.
There've been some upsetting things that have happened since that age but for the most part the abuse has lessened thankfully. It probably wouldn't have if I hadn't decided after that Spain trip with my grandma that I did not want to have much contact with her anymore. I have stuck to that since I first said it to her in 2005, have seen her very rarely and for at least a couple years I did not see or talk to her at all. There's a lot of other family members I have limited contact with as well, I basically never see or talk to my stepmother and have no desire to since as far as I know she's pretty much still the same.
I really can’t tell anymore.... I deal with this errwheree errrrday....
Most famous and common one for me...
“You’re sick because you’re fat”
OR
“You’re fat because you’re sick.”
I don’t see any difference with you. My family does have genetics of autoimmune diseases, why hurt me? They’re no different.
Most famous and common one for me...
“You’re sick because you’re fat”
OR
“You’re fat because you’re sick.”
I don’t see any difference with you. My family does have genetics of autoimmune diseases, why hurt me? They’re no different.
I imagine I would receive a similar response if I came out as Autumn in public. That's why I'm only Autumn in the privacy of my home. So I understand why you never came out to your family. There's only so much abuse a person can take, and I've taken more than my fair share over the course of my life.
You didn't care about the dog when you walked away from him (when he was the one who kicked me out ffs...)
It's thanks to me that you actually grew a backbone.
If you won't do X, Y, and Z for me, you don't care about me and I can't promise nothing will happen to me.
If I die, it'll be on you, because you wouldn't do X, Y, Z for me.
Him: Says something insulting and hurtful.
Me: Hangs up phone.
Him: Calls back multiple times. "Don't do this. I'm already hurting. Don't hurt me even more..."
I'm that good that I can lie to you, tell you I'm lying to you, and then still pull off the lie without you even realizing it.
It's thanks to me that you actually grew a backbone.
If you won't do X, Y, and Z for me, you don't care about me and I can't promise nothing will happen to me.
If I die, it'll be on you, because you wouldn't do X, Y, Z for me.
Him: Says something insulting and hurtful.
Me: Hangs up phone.
Him: Calls back multiple times. "Don't do this. I'm already hurting. Don't hurt me even more..."
I'm that good that I can lie to you, tell you I'm lying to you, and then still pull off the lie without you even realizing it.
