The past two days have been okay, and the week prior was in the bad/awful region.
I do have passion, but it varies based upon my mood swings which will last for life. Passion can be in multiple things for me, but what holds me back is that I can't fully realise some passions until I improve my skill which, as you said, takes time and willpower. Common examples being art and music. I have had experience with music from before I was 10, but it had to be dropped after 11. Not to say I did nothing music-related in secondary school. Art is a new thing for me, as I only tried before when it was mandatory in school.
I have the desire to work with offenders for their improvement, whereas many people want nothing to do with them. This is just one case where I feel like I'm fighting against the world's ideals, and it's exhausting. Some of the smallest things like what someone else thinks of [insert show/writing] can affect me emotionally. I'd never fight with them, but it initiates an internal battle. This usually happens when what they criticise (i.e. fictional characters) could easily relate to how they would see me, if they were to know my past, or how they would react to real people with genuine issues.
It's saddening to hear that you and many others just come to terms with "dying unfulfilled". It invokes a similar feeling to when I see the thousands of people here and on other websites suffering and, in a lot of cases, going through with suicide.
Right now, I'm studying Maths work and listening to music. Thinking about the future just makes me feel worse, as I'm reminded about my current shortcomings and loneliness.
I do have passion, but it varies based upon my mood swings which will last for life. Passion can be in multiple things for me, but what holds me back is that I can't fully realise some passions until I improve my skill which, as you said, takes time and willpower. Common examples being art and music. I have had experience with music from before I was 10, but it had to be dropped after 11. Not to say I did nothing music-related in secondary school. Art is a new thing for me, as I only tried before when it was mandatory in school.
I have the desire to work with offenders for their improvement, whereas many people want nothing to do with them. This is just one case where I feel like I'm fighting against the world's ideals, and it's exhausting. Some of the smallest things like what someone else thinks of [insert show/writing] can affect me emotionally. I'd never fight with them, but it initiates an internal battle. This usually happens when what they criticise (i.e. fictional characters) could easily relate to how they would see me, if they were to know my past, or how they would react to real people with genuine issues.
It's saddening to hear that you and many others just come to terms with "dying unfulfilled". It invokes a similar feeling to when I see the thousands of people here and on other websites suffering and, in a lot of cases, going through with suicide.
Right now, I'm studying Maths work and listening to music. Thinking about the future just makes me feel worse, as I'm reminded about my current shortcomings and loneliness.
