The Fuck You Thread
- Thread starter Aurelia
- Start date
yes ugh
You are sure about this statement? As in, they do not do it out of love but out of something else? Where does it stem from? I thought there was a good person in there, one who cared about me, but honestly I cannot figure them out. I need to heal, and it would've been okay if he'd been willing heal too. But he considered himself as having put the past behind him and was done with all that. Clearly - to me - the past was right there in his head affecting everything he said and did. If all I am is a trigger for him then I shouldn't be around.
You are sure about this statement? As in, they do not do it out of love but out of something else? Where does it stem from? I thought there was a good person in there, one who cared about me, but honestly I cannot figure them out. I need to heal, and it would've been okay if he'd been willing heal too. But he considered himself as having put the past behind him and was done with all that. Clearly - to me - the past was right there in his head affecting everything he said and did. If all I am is a trigger for him then I shouldn't be around.
I sense pain in your words. I would need to be in the same room to understand, but we speak at least a similar language and I feel like sometimes I can read the story behind the statement. I’m very sorry for your pain. I’m just guessing, but if I was going to put money on it, I would bet that you did everything within your power to salvage the relationship. Again I am trying not to put words in your mouth, but that’s just my spidey sense atm.
Assuming my guess is accurate, then I would find it strange if you were NOT grieving. So possibly, the pain is necessary to process the confusion and frustration?
Assuming my guess is accurate, then I would find it strange if you were NOT grieving. So possibly, the pain is necessary to process the confusion and frustration?
Well, now that you mention it, I’m definitely not blessed with the psychic powers that would allow me to know anyone else’s true intentions. Heck, I don’t even know my own sometimes, and I also sometimes thought I knew but was wrong. And that’s from inside experience…. so how much harder would it be to get inside someone else’s head.
That said, the bulk of the evidence available to me is that we all have our own “stuff” to grapple with. Some people are intrinsically motivated to work on that stuff, but not everyone is. So that’s why in recovery peer support groups, we see people break up from their 1:1 relationships. The basic dynamic, according to the counselor at my IOP, is that if you start with a state where neither partner is growing, that’s stable because both are equally impaired with respect to growing emotionally.
When one partner starts to work on themself and the other doesn’t, the equilibrium is disrupted because the distance between the two is growing.
In addiction recovery there is a stronger dynamic, too, but with any troublesome issue that has no clear path that is guaranteed to fix us, the dynamic is at play on a smaller scale - possibly small enough that it takes a long time before either side notices.
Based on your posts, I am getting a strong impression that you are doing your work, and the other is not, and in fact unaware that his stuff is leaking out the sides so to speak.
I am of course, not qualified to diagnose, but it sure looks like a known pattern from here 😢
That said, the bulk of the evidence available to me is that we all have our own “stuff” to grapple with. Some people are intrinsically motivated to work on that stuff, but not everyone is. So that’s why in recovery peer support groups, we see people break up from their 1:1 relationships. The basic dynamic, according to the counselor at my IOP, is that if you start with a state where neither partner is growing, that’s stable because both are equally impaired with respect to growing emotionally.
When one partner starts to work on themself and the other doesn’t, the equilibrium is disrupted because the distance between the two is growing.
In addiction recovery there is a stronger dynamic, too, but with any troublesome issue that has no clear path that is guaranteed to fix us, the dynamic is at play on a smaller scale - possibly small enough that it takes a long time before either side notices.
Based on your posts, I am getting a strong impression that you are doing your work, and the other is not, and in fact unaware that his stuff is leaking out the sides so to speak.
I am of course, not qualified to diagnose, but it sure looks like a known pattern from here 😢
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No worries about not being psychic, I have an obsession with understanding how things and people work, my mind will simply not shut up until I figure stuff out. So, thank you big itme for diving into it like that @LumberJack.
His need for control was legendary, even his kids joked about it. But you're assessment is I think, spot on, things are leaking out and I, being the only person available, suffered the consequences of the verbal abuse. Not exactly endearing or a turn-on, which well enough said.
This made him aggressive and abusive toward me. He is very smart - he's retired now but made a lot of mooney programming and heading up teams of programmers - but emotionally it would seem he's an iinfant.
This made him aggressive and abusive toward me. He is very smart - he's retired now but made a lot of mooney programming and heading up teams of programmers - but emotionally it would seem he's an iinfant.
Fuck you again mom for letting your parents/my grandparents to continue to abuse you after their deaths. You just gave up on everything after they died. And you made no effort to get treatment, be it grief counseling or anything of the sort. You just decided you were going to die. And die a slow painful death on the couch while dragging everyone around you down to your level. Is it any wonder why I don't grieve your death despite how close we used to be?
Fuck religion. All that religion is about is taking children who are too young to understand the world and brainwashing them to believe that someone is judging them 24/7 for being human and that they're basically a terrible person. That is ALL that religion is about. There is nothing good about religion at all. Some people say that it will give you a sense of peace and meaning in your life. That is complete bullshit. It does the exact opposite of that. And the idea of "do not lean on your own understanding" is the stupidest fucking mentality ever invented. Fuck religion.
Wait for menopause. I called it pause the men. Don't need one after you go through that. I'm not minimizing what you said. PMS does screw with emotions and stuff. I'm not kidding you, I had a doctor once who said I should go on Lithium for my ''period problem mood swings''. I don't think that's a fix either, I did try it. I bloated up from it so I'm not recommending anything.
I agree with the one who said F religion. I've come to the point in life where I realize how much harm going to church from being a baby to an adult did to me. It does do a lot of harm. Firstly, teaching little kids about hell fire. If anyone actually read the whole holy bible, they'd see for themselves. Yesterday I opened up my bible to a verse that said a woman ate her infant. She did. In the footnotes it said Israel had resorted to cannibalism back then. YUCK
So FUCK all religions.
So FUCK all religions.
Can confirm. Grew up in a conservative denomination. We weren’t overtly taught to hate people, but it was certainly cause for excommunication to be openly gay.
I hated myself for at least a dozen years after I left, and had never before thought about suicide as something I will put a timeline on. Then the pain of separation from the entire basis of my reality set in.
Now I am grieving all the years I spent hating myself when I didn’t know better. Internalized homophobia is a beast!
Especially with kids, it’s really the unspoken message we hear the loudest. That’s how they get so deeply ingrained.
Fuck those guys!
I hated myself for at least a dozen years after I left, and had never before thought about suicide as something I will put a timeline on. Then the pain of separation from the entire basis of my reality set in.
Now I am grieving all the years I spent hating myself when I didn’t know better. Internalized homophobia is a beast!
Especially with kids, it’s really the unspoken message we hear the loudest. That’s how they get so deeply ingrained.
Fuck those guys!
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I think it’s overstating the case to call it religious abuse, and yet it kind of is. It’s teaching beliefs to people way too young to understand, so we get no chance to choose for ourselves.
Nonetheless, I have friends who are parents. Most of them gave their kids the choice to go to church or not around the tween age, didn’t take them before then, and didn’t push them into any particular belief system. I think that is enormously more respectful to the basic humanity of their offspring.
That said, I have had a few opportunities to attend a primarily Black church, and that was the true way to do religion, IMHO. Everyone dressed to the nines and beyond. Gospel choir with at least 12 people. The spirit of community was strong, and they welcomed us with open arms, even had a special prayer for us after the service! We call it a service, but how much better would it be to celebrate religion!
Nonetheless, I have friends who are parents. Most of them gave their kids the choice to go to church or not around the tween age, didn’t take them before then, and didn’t push them into any particular belief system. I think that is enormously more respectful to the basic humanity of their offspring.
That said, I have had a few opportunities to attend a primarily Black church, and that was the true way to do religion, IMHO. Everyone dressed to the nines and beyond. Gospel choir with at least 12 people. The spirit of community was strong, and they welcomed us with open arms, even had a special prayer for us after the service! We call it a service, but how much better would it be to celebrate religion!
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i used to be a devout catholic, i was an alter boy and even considered being a priest. i tried other religions and found one but i moved. i don't really believe in religion anymore. i do believe in god and jesus and pray at least once a day. any good church welcomes all. what better place for sinners than the house of god. and homosexuality or any gender identity or any sexual orientation or anything including race or color. if a person is a person they should be welcome. a church should welcome all including the unwashed or dirty clothes doesn't matter. we are all gods children.
mike
mike
Fuck you to superiority, thinking your always fucking right, which then gives rise to that sense of justification.
Fuck you justification to disregard, belittle and trample on my feelings with a double dose of cruelty.
Fuck you to cruelty to want to hurt me because it cant face up to the truth that perception is bias.
Fuck you perception and bias.
Fuck you justification to disregard, belittle and trample on my feelings with a double dose of cruelty.
Fuck you to cruelty to want to hurt me because it cant face up to the truth that perception is bias.
Fuck you perception and bias.
Fuck you once again mom. I was descending into alcholism and you criticized me for drinking too much, but when I tried to throw away or pour out the alcohol, you said "DON'T YOU DARE POUR THAT OUT!!!". You saw alcohol as something precious. And then passed that onto me. You contributed into making me an alcoholic. Fuck you to Hell.