Retirement for the Fearful

I will be 65 in one month. For some reason I am fearing retirement. Some financial decisions I made are going to make me work at something until October or November. My manager is reluctant to give me part time as an option so it's working full time at grunt work - nothing wrong with grunt work but after a while it gets wearisome and this has been going on for several months - or retirement. Maybe I retire in October after the big payments go out, and pick up contract work for cash. That was my Plan B. Decisions decisions decisions. But I wish I had a therapist to talk to about this.

Fear of being alone in retirement is another factor. I live alone albeit with a cat. No one close by to play with. i could go to mid morning tai chi as well as evening tai chi. I am a very social person so I would like to be with people. The senior center is an option but every activity is a paid event.

It doesn't sound awful as I write this out. But putting this in practice is a different story.

Any kind words would be helpful as it is a big transition for me.

I have all this to come, assuming I make it to 65 - or will probably be 67 if I ever get that far. That's when I would get my state pension plus private pension matures, though I get a small one at 60 from my old work.

It sounds like a very big change, maybe the fear is worse than the reality will be. I'm sure you would work hard at maintaining a social life but if all the activities are paid that could really mount up.

I know you have been thinking about this for a long time. I suppose it doesn't get easier as it approaches. Maybe when you are no longer working you will have more energy and time to look at other opportunities. Maybe retiring but keeping your hand in with contract work is the best of both worlds?

I retired about a year and a half ago. Was laid off from my job and too old to seek another. I am miserable. I live alone (no cat). My life is empty. Money is scarce. Boredom is extreme, as is fear about having money to care for myself. Retirement for me sucks! I hope you have better.

I'm already retired, and for socializing I go to the local Senior center. But as you said, most of the activities are paid events. So I have to look for other seniors who are Not in those groups but who might be interested in the table games I like. To that end, I found a 79 y.o. lady who likes to play Scrabble, and in fact it was her who persuaded me to join her. For several months, we were playing several times a week at a time. But then a problem arose. You see, we began playing a cooperative version, that is, a variation in which we combine our points for a collective score. But then a third person, her lady friend, joined us, and the lady insisted on a regular competitive play. Afterwards, my friend became too aggressive and in fact kicked out the other lady. This newfound aggressiveness (because of changing from the co-op version to the competitive) even affected just the two of us because her playing became much too serious and aggressive, to the point where it became too stressful for me. So I had to quit.
It's really too bad, because she's still a good friend because every time she sees me, she asks me when I can play again. I don't tell her why I don't play her, because that might make her get mad at me. Maybe if she can be persuaded to revert back to the co-op version we used to play--then I would play again. But I don't think she wants to.
It's really too bad, because she comes to the Senior center every day, so conceivably we could play Scrabble many times a week if we could reunite.
Anyway, she's still a very good friend. It's only when she plays Scrabble that she becomes a demon.
I still have another friend that I meet with twice a month, so it's alright, but I still miss playing Scrabble with that 79er. Maybe you folks might come up with some suggestions.

@cymbele
In my previous response, I might have deviated somewhat, because I forgot to make it clear that your search for socialization would be best met by attending a Senior center. Not only because of the similar age range but also for another reason. Because when I was young I found it much harder to make friends even in social clubs. Why? Because it seems that young people are discriminating in forming social circles. Even beginning from high school, the students used to form Cliques and would frown upon any New person trying to join them. Cliqueishness and snobbishness..

In comparison, I don't see such cliqueishness at a Senior center. It seems that when people get older, they also become mellow and treat everybody like family. Much, much easier to socialize. Not that you can befriend everybody but at least make acquaintances. Because at the local center, only a few are my actual friends, and the rest are only acquaintances. But the point is that to me, just acquaintances can gratify me as much because I still get social interaction from them. So even just acquaintances is enough for me.
At least there is No snobbing. Compare that with young people who have a difficult time because of being rejected by cliques. So I believe that being a Senior has the advantage of socialization.
That being said, I don't mind losing 79er as a Scrabble partner, because whenever I run into her eating lunch, she always invites me and shares her lunch with me, and we converse. And I know some other seniors with whom I play different board games, but it's only a small fraction of the time I used to play with 79er. In any case, I'm contented. I'm blessed with what I have now. As the Buddhist lesson goes, "The point is Not to be happy by getting everything you want but instead to train your mind to be contented in every situation."
So, Cymbele, what do you think of what I said about the difference between Young and Seniors as far as socialization?

I don’t know. I joined the senior center last year when I got laid off but returned to work a month later so I hadn’t experienced much. But people seemed friendly but they never got a chance to really meet me. It seems active enough but you have to be there enough. And it’s a large senior center meaning lots of people. I know in tai chi everyone is welcome and friends are made after so many years.
i just remember when in previous years when I was laid off I would go to the hardware store just to get out of the house. People who were laid off were also doing the same thing at the store. The reason I joined the senior center last year was to prevent that wandering. I was so lonely-and I was married at that time- it makes me nervous about the future.
I am probably needlessly about being lonely. I have 3 friends who are waiting impatiently for me to retire to play with me. I was hoping to be able to work part time as a means to make the transition more easily. I have a friend who has joined 3 senior centers and is upset because he hasn’t made a good friend at any of them. But I am a different person so maybe I will do better.
thanks @Winslow

I can relate to what you all are going through as I've been retired for 3 years and so discovering that it is a transition on several levels and also dependent on changing life realities. We live in a 55+ community so are fortunate to have exercise and volunteer committees that can join. Initially, I was able to take advantage of the exercise classes, volunteering both here as well as at a mini-horse sanctuary and stayed in touch with friends & therapist. And for that I am forever thankful. So, I would recommend taking advantage of things such as these at senior centers. And I think what's so hard is that as senior adults it is so hard to make friends it seems--when you're in school or working there's a natural "community" of sorts. Also, a friend of mine explored various non-profits before officially retiring trying to find a new niche so to speak that sparked her interests so you may want to try that too. And in so doing finding "your people" as they say who have similar interests/passions.

For me, in the last 6 months or so, life circumstances have changed. We got a corgi puppy at the urging of my husband and alas my husband's health has declined simultaneously, so I now do none of these things. I am trying to negotiate this new transition to being a more house-bound person, taking care of the puppy, my husband's garden, grocery shopping, household chores, and coping with my husband's frustration/depression due to his health (so we go nowhere and have no one over) etc. In my optimistic moments, I realize how fortunate I am in so many ways and so try to practice daily gratitude. This doesn't eliminate some of the depression but does help I guess make it tolerable I guess. Didn't mean to end on a sad note...just have to take some deep breaths and get on with my day.

So, I guess my advice would be to follow your interests. Maybe try a few things that previously you felt for whatever reason you didn't have the time for and the best part of it is if they don't peak your interest you can try something else. A friend of mine suggested too community college classes too which may explore one day in the future.

Some place like kiwi sounds nice

Yes, 55+ communities have a great deal to offer for active retirees or close to retirement folks. Would recommend them.

Hi. Have you considered volunteering for a cause that is close to your heart? I bet there are opportunities out there. I know that the arts center about 20mins from my house offers a lot of classes,but in the daytime during the week, which makes it hard for a working person but perfect for a retiree.

Im thinking that when I retire, if I have something to do, or look forward to at least 3x a week, that should keep me sane. We are here for you, S, during your journey. You have earned the time to enjoy your days after working all those years.

I got Medicare today for September so I’ll probably give 30 days notice next week. My pdoc and I talked today about the “plan” which is still emerging. I have volunteered all over the city during my periods of unemployment and can’t say one experience was better than another but it got me out of the house when I needed to be. I last did something called “caregivers“ where you drive people without transportation to doctors appointments. You choose whenever suits your schedule. Maybe that’s what I should do.
but I will be nervous about giving notice.

I put a vote in for the volunteer driving. Those drivers/caregivers helped me out hugely a few years back when I had a broken arm and couldn't drive for a while. Cymbele - you mentioned you're a social type - maybe consider devoting a light schedule of sorts in which your mind knows it gets to interact with others on a regular basis. For a detailed ex., I used to volunteer with non-profit which managed and preserved a state owned beautiful old mansion, garden and grounds.