continueing on

since my 19 year old daughter was diagnosed with depression and bi polar 2, i carry and suffer from both,i know its hereditary and so i feel so guilty that i may be the reason or at least part of the reason she is going through with this. she feels it is at the point that she needs mood stablizers which came as a huge shock to me i didn't know it was that bad. i am trying to support her the best i can the best i wasn't given the chance. im here when she needs me good or bad. however right now it is especially hard for me to be as supportive as i really want and need to be because im fighting my own demons and voices right now. it hurts to get out of be all i want to do is stay in bed but i cant sleep its four am here and i haven't slept since two nights ago. my sleeping meds are not working and my nurse isn't in until the first and then i still have to wait for her to get in touch with the psych dr, its a never endin battle it feels like, and now thanks to me passing on my stupid genes my baby girl might go through this if they dont find the right one the first try.i dont want her to have to go through what ive gone through trying to find the right ones its a guessing gameand whoknows which one will or wont work.. i know she is going to have to talk about when we were staying in virginia with my grandfather and that abuse but i also know how hard that is going to be.i keep asking myself if im strong enough to go through this with her if im strong enough to be the mom she needs me to be for her through this to love her through this and i dont pray but im praying that i am enough, ready and capable. On top of it all we are getting an mri of my left knee now so we can see what surgery we can do to clean it out like we did with the right side and we are all hoping we can so yet another block to the stack. i dont know how im supposed to make it through this im not sure im strong enough

No one goes through life without struggle, please be gentle with yourself. Just being a loving mother means a lot, not everyone has that.

Hugs Bbear

Please try to get up and move around a little. Do tend a least a bit to self care and if possible, even take a short walk outside for air. I hope you manage to find a way to relax enough to get some sleep. Sending love, and support to you. I raised 2 kids and I think I know more or less, less or more, how this feels. We went through some seriously rough times.

Maybe some energy from SF will help with those demons and voices. Being a parent is very hard work. Sometime, sooner or later, you are going to get through this with your daughter.

hugs

If it’s any help, mood stabilizers are usually not so serious of a medication. I have MDD as opposed to BPD, but I am treatment resistant, which means that I get some help from the highest safe dosages, but not enough. My psychiatrist has added Lamotrigine and a low dose of Aripiprazole as mood stabilizers to augment the bupropion and fluoxetine. This is a common practice with BPD 2, but is used off-label for treatment resistant MDD.

My experience has been that the mood stabilizers are way easier to tolerate than the SSRIs, which are hard on me. In hindsight, I think antidepressants are more impactful to the rest of my health than a mood stabilizer ever could be. I hope that helps with that.

I know about demons. I think few of us would be here if we didn’t. When you mention voices, are you talking about literal external voices that you hear in the same way as with a person to person conversation? Or is it more like intrusive thoughts that run around in circles in your mind that don’t seem to be yours? I deal a lot with the latter.