Autism

I was diagnosed with Asperger's in around 2010 (cant remember exactly, memories from 2009-2012 are fuzzy at best). and only this last week did I finally realised something: I am Autisitc.

Talk about slow on the bloody uptake.

Aspergers was removed as a medical diagnosis in America in 2013 with the publication of the DSM-5 and in Europe in 2019 with the publication of the ICD-11, both rolled Asperger's into the umbrella of "Autism Spectrum Disorder" so for between 6 and 12 years I have been officially Autistic, and even then Asperger's wasn't nothing. I knew of this, and I still only just realised that what I have is more than just a quirky personality.

I am different. I don't think I have a "disorder", but my tolerances and abilities are different. Better in some ways, worse in others. I have lived my whole life, even the last 15 years, thinking of myself and treating myself like a Neurotypical. I have set no boundaries based on my Autism, I have asked for no reasonable adjustments, and sought no help. Not at work, not at home, not even in my marriage. When suffering from a recent sensory overload I still agreed to and attended a Metal music gig featuring 4 very loud bands and a very rowdy crowd. For reasons which aren't relevant to this, I actually managed to enjoy myself, but that's not the point.

I need to start not just accepting my Autism, but understanding it, and making at least some attempts to make things easier for myself.

My first step has been to try to map my Autism. Find out what traits I have, (I certainly have sensory issues judging by recent overloads,) and get a clear picture. Next will be to talk to my wife and discuss with her what I know, what reasonable self care I should be doing and what (if any) assistance or considerations I would want from her, or she would want from me knowing Autistics arent known for being the easiest and most flexible people. Finally (or literally whenever) I need to quit my job which is harrowing on Neurotypicals and seems purpose built to fuck with Autistics, and find one where HR is less a joke made when someone says something crass and instead an actual department with employees I can discuss reasonable adjustments with.

Why has it taken me 15 years to even realise this?

Listening...

Better late than never

Dante I am pretty sure you've mentioned Aspergers or Autism before in one or more of your psots? I thought you sounded extremely self aware, I mean to me, not saying I'm able to understand for certain. You've known about your diagnosis but did not feel it was accurate, until now, that they mistook quirkiness for Autism? I've read that the male human brain isn't finished growing until around 25 - could this be part of what's going I wonder. In any case, I'm curious if something in particular clicked, triggered this?

I was rather "aware" I thought, but didnt recognise any actual downside to my Autism, I thought I was just odd and quirky and got away with no "side effects" so to speak. Now that I'm finally looking into it I am finding loads of traits that explain constant anxieties and regular burnouts and exhaustion which I attributed to being busy or hating my job.

Two things triggered this. A particularly bad sensory overload I had never experienced before, and reading a book on Autism which had way too many "Oh... that explains that..." moments.

It sounds like you are on a road to self discovery. It is likely that you have already found ways to help manage your sensitivities without even realising. For example going grocery shopping late in the evening when it is less noisy and crowded. You would have made decisions which worked best for you without linking it to your autism. However, being more aware will help you to manage even better and make better choices. Understanding from those around you is also key. I think we are all on a voyage of self discovery as we get older, I know I’ve been developing a greater understanding of myself over recent months. I wish you well and hope it makes your life even better. Xx

I don't know that I have anything meaningful to add but as someone starting to walk a similar road. I get it.

I think that I might be some mix of trying to avoid hopelessness and lack of insight.

I was 20 when a shrink suggested it as a likelihood. At at almost 35 I think I finally starting to get it now. In most measurable metrics I have absolutely failed to thrive. Sure I can hold a okay paying job but it takes all the bandwidth I have. Took a lot of ass kickings to have that sit in.

I'm slowly working through the steps of what to do now.

May I ask what book?

Hello from the wife. We may have never mentioned that they were “autistic issues” because every couple needs to communicate well about everything anyway, but we have already talked about some. Also, because I’m apparently on the spectrum too, feel free to bother me about it too.

Your horrible workplace is still responsible for 90% of your issues, don’t even think about blaming your autism for stress and burnout. ♡

Thank you for sharing ♡.

Re the disorder aspect, in the UK they're changing it to ASC. In school we had a really cool autism inset where she was saying that a big reason autism is limititing is because the world expects everyone to be the same.
It was actually the first time I've heard autism presented where it was - this is fully me.


Just noting that we've 2 SF couples.

It's easier to control people that way.
But people are not the same, although they have the same basic needs.

Hi, sorry all, I seem to vanish for long periods, Im always busy with something...

Yea, my way of coping with things was to chalk it up as random and tough it out. I shouldn't be feeling this way, so don't acknowledge it and do what you would do otherwise. It was how I forced myself to be a normie for so many years and why I spent those years clinically depressed. Its hard to shake that habbit, but thats what Im working on now. Not dismissing, but acknowledging and making adjustments.


"Why Can't I Just Enjoy Things?: A Comedian's Guide to Autism" by Pierre Novellie.

He has a similar sense of humour to me (I wonder why), and his humorous explanations of the frustrations and limitations manages to frame what is largely negative in a laughing "Yea me too!!" positive way.

The diagnosis of Autism is generally just "are they not normal" in predefined ways. In some cultures you shouldnt look most people in the eye. In those cultures, not liking to look people in the eye is not considered diagnostic of Autism. Its just specific criteria of "not normal". It is telling that many of the criteria, especially sensory issues can be more OR less sensitive, literally ANYTHING but "normal". Im not saying that Autism isnt real, but its just a version of being a person.

Like I love to say: The majority get to define sanity.


wait, only 2 couples?

Plus our average life span is 54 years old

I doubt that. If the Autistic radar is anything to go by (i.e. us being able to pick each other out of a crowd) a lot of my family have ASD, and we are a long lived crowd. It wouldnt surprise me if my dad made 100. He is charging through 70 and I STILL cant outrun him.

I think the statistics are largely based on the ones who find it harder to function, as they are the ones more likely to get or even seek a diagnosis. It is also likely skewed by the prevalence of depression and burnout causing suicides or self-neglect. I think unless everyone is tested for autism, the statistics will always be skewed.

Who else? I think there may have been more I knew but I can't actually remember who or if it's my imagination.