My pregnancy story

I was just a few days late but I had a feeling and went for a test. Oh my it's positive I'm pregnant. Later that day I told my husband. He was soo happy we wanted a child for a few months now and that month we really wasn't expecting it

A few days later I woke up and there was blood and a lot of to. It was so clear to me. I lost it, it's now in the stars high in the sky. A few weeks later I had to go to the doctors to test if it was gone all the way.

And the most magical moment when we noticed that there was a heartbeat we where so happy. It was healthy and alive. They don't really know what the blood flow was but it didn't hurt my sunshine

We soon told the family and my mother in law figured. That we should move. We lived in an apartment on the fourth floor and no elevator.

So we went looking for a new house
My sister in law helped us and in a few months we where moved. But it's in a city that my husband knows very well and I totally don't. I love the house and the gardens ( I always wanted a garden) but even now It doesn't feel like home. For a long time it felt like prison. My back hurts to much to walk and I don't have a drivers license so I only could go somewhere when my husband was at home or if family and friends picked me up and wel people work.

The birth was painful and they told me fast ( it didn't feel like it, but it was my first so what do I know)
Sunshine had a little breathing problems but that was taken care of very fast.
He was a little smaller then they thought he would be so they had to test his blood sugar for 24 hours
And that was good in the end so we could go home
To be continued

Here it continues and yes with the hell that they call.......breastfeeding.
Off course u wanted to breastfeed my sunshine. Give him the best that he needs. Give him what nature's intended.
It natural right so it should be easy right.
I was so wrong!
So very very wrong
It started in the hospital
He couldn't latch on my nipples where to flat and his mouth to small
So they gave me nipple hats and that did work kind of . Until I got wounds

at this point I was at home and the nurse that was taking care of us said we where using the wrong size. So we got the size she said it should be . But it was to big for sunshine's mouth. So now he had problems with his lacht again.
I had enough and bought a breastpump
And again I got wounds. I ended up calling a specialist and it ended up that the nurse was wrong and gave me the wrong size

I stopped breastfeeding him after a month. It was to much for me. I couldn't take it anymore.
I felt like such a failure. Like my body was wrong.
Even now it hurts to think about it

Hiya, congratulations on your sunshine! What a little blessing good on you for trying to breast feed, it's not easy especially if you get sore. Even feeding baby yourself for a few days is better than not at all. So be proud of yourself. Enjoy your baby

I try to enjoy him and love him as much as I can. But it's hard
I find it very hard to play and talk to him.
I don't understand why

You can only do what you can do. There isn't a thing in the world wrong with bottle feeding your little kiddo.
Be on the lookout for some postpartum depression settling in. It sounds like maybe you're feeling a little down about things. If you're having a hard time playing with him and such you might want to intervene quickly and early before it gets worse. Honestly, that's not something you want to get worse in time. Hang in there and concentrate on your little bundle.