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Overprotected going out alone for the first time?

tuli

tuli

little faith has sparkled.
#1
#1
I'm 19. And my parents take me everywhere. The city is insecure and there are risks of me getting kidnapped or robbed or stuff like that, that's what they've argumented all this time. It's true, but I can't just lock me up here.
It's starting to get a toll on me because I never get to go out nowhere? My parents quarrel a lot so if one is not feeling like it I don't get out, and knowing new places might do me some good, besides the fact thAT IM 19 AND I SHOULD ALREADY BE DOING THINGS BY MYSELF.
However I'm really, really scared of going out. I've tried going to a store that's like 4 blocks from home, and even if i have gone with my mom and know the way, when I went alone i was super anxious and didn't know where I was!
I felt every person was going to kidnap me, I know this sounds stupid but I can't it.
When I finally made it to the store I was shaking.
I don't know how I'd do if I had to take the subway. I'd die there.
This makes me feel super useless, tied to this place. Also my parents always talk about how its not their obligation to take me to school, and I know I'm taking a lot of their time. Part of me yells "you never teached me how!" And the other really feels guilty.
How was your first time going out on your own?
 
Auri

Auri

🎸🎶Metal Star🎵🥁
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#2
#2
Oh, sorry Tuli that your parents overprotected you like that. You should have gone out alone sooner, yes. But it is never too late, ok?
Start by going to places you know very well, many times. At some point you won't be anxious about these anymore. It's like children first only go from home to school, everyday. Then they go to their friend's place that is quite close, later they go to the mall, etc. Little steps.

You won't get kidnapped if there are people around, it is in fact very rare, don't worry about it. People go out every day and come back home safely.
Keep your bag closed and so you can always see it to avoid pickpockets. And the chance you'll get robbed in daylight with other people around is very low.
I've never been robbed and I live in a capital city, I'm tiny and I totally look like an easy target.

You can do this!! Remember, do the same short distance everyday, little steps. *hug

My parents were very protective as well, it was the problem of my life when I was a kid LOL Once I ran away to the park, at 8 years old or something. In retrospect, I would not let my child go there alone either, but anyway ^^ The first times I went somewhere alone I must have been 13-14. I went from school to a little library to wait for my mom to pick me up, a 8-10 minutes walk. I loved reading and was buying books all the time so I wanted to do this. At some point I was forced to go home from school alone because nobody could pick me up on Wednesdays when school ended earlier. It was 1 hour by metros and busses, but I was a confident girl, simply because all my friends were already doing this and I hated being the only one who couldn't.
 
Last edited:
Rockclimbinggirl

Rockclimbinggirl

SF climber
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#3
#3
I think I was around 13 the first time I went out on my own. I would walk to the library. I found it scary at first, but I would walk on a street with lots of business and a bus route.
 
Walker

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#4
#4
I was walking home from school when I was 7 or 8 and then staying home a few hours along til the parents got home from work. It wasn't far.
I've always been going out alone that I recall. I've not been in any large cities either, though, so maybe that makes a difference. Either way, your parents have kind of stunted you by not allowing you to grow in this way. You should have been shown the way to go somewhere a couple times and then sent on your way. A few blocks to the store is easily close enough to be going at 19 years old. You should be able to walk a couple miles to a friends house if you were so inclined. (As far as you felt like walking, in my opinion). My son walked a mile to school when he was 14 and was perfectly fine. No one is going to kidnap you - that's happening much more on TV.
 
tuli

tuli

little faith has sparkled.
#5
#5
Auri said:
Oh, sorry Tuli that your parents overprotected you like that. You should have gone out alone sooner, yes. But it is never too late, ok?
Start by going to places you know very well, many times. At some point you won't be anxious about these anymore. It's like children first only go from home to school, everyday. Then they go to their friend's place that is quite close, later they go to the mall, etc. Little steps.

You won't get kidnapped if there are people around, it is in fact very rare, don't worry about it. People go out every day and come back home safely.
Keep your bag closed and so you can always see it to avoid pickpockets. And the chance you'll get robbed in daylight with other people around is very low.
I've never been robbed and I live in a capital city, I'm tiny and I totally look like an easy target.

You can do this!! Remember, do the same short distance everyday, little steps. *hug

My parents were very protective as well, it was the problem of my life when I was a kid LOL Once I ran away to the park, at 8 years old or something. In retrospect, I would not let my child go there alone either, but anyway ^^ The first times I went somewhere alone I must have been 13-14. I went from school to a little library to wait for my mom to pick me up, a 8-10 minutes walk. I loved reading and was buying books all the time so I wanted to do this. At some point I was forced to go home from school alone because nobody could pick me up on Wednesdays when school ended earlier. It was 1 hour by metros and busses, but I was a confident girl, simply because all my friends were already doing this and I hated being the only one who couldn't.
Click to expand...
Thank you auri. I have been on my own in the streets in my way back to school, and even if I do get nervous it isn't as bad as going out from my house for some reason.:wow:
 
tuli

tuli

little faith has sparkled.
#7
#7
Walker said:
I was walking home from school when I was 7 or 8 and then staying home a few hours along til the parents got home from work. It wasn't far.
I've always been going out alone that I recall. I've not been in any large cities either, though, so maybe that makes a difference. Either way, your parents have kind of stunted you by not allowing you to grow in this way. You should have been shown the way to go somewhere a couple times and then sent on your way. A few blocks to the store is easily close enough to be going at 19 years old. You should be able to walk a couple miles to a friends house if you were so inclined. (As far as you felt like walking, in my opinion). My son walked a mile to school when he was 14 and was perfectly fine. No one is going to kidnap you - that's happening much more on TV.
Click to expand...
My city became kind of dangerous for women some time ago, there were a lot of posts in social media, testimonies of kidnap attempts in subway stations and stuff like that-
Yeah my parents prevented my growth this way, even if all they wanted was to protect me. And now that I started having the need to go out, there was like real danger outside, or the possibility or danger.
Right now I don't know if that stuff has relented, but surely I can't stay here. Thank you*shake
 
Human Ex Machinae

Human Ex Machinae

Void Where Prohibited
Staff Alumni
#8
#8
Walker said:
I was walking home from school when I was 7 or 8 and then staying home a few hours along til the parents got home from work.
Click to expand...
Same here.
tuli said:
My city became kind of dangerous for women some time ago, there were a lot of posts in social media, testimonies of kidnap attempts in subway stations and stuff like that-
Click to expand...
Looking at the world only through the lens of social media will give you a very warped and inaccurate view of reality. You should stop paying attention to social media and go out into the world and get a first hand look at reality. Sure, there are dangers out there, but I think the dangers that would come from not experiencing the world, and only seeing it through social media, far outweigh those.
 
clairedelune

clairedelune

Wanderer
#9
#9
It must be tough for you to feel tied up to your home and feeling scared. Why not try to take it one step at a time, try hanging out with friends first, so that at least your parents will feel less burdened (if you see it that way). Your friends could have similar destinations as you. You could walk to shops or movies, that way, you wouldn't feel that much scared and it's a way for you to get used to the place. Also, choose places which are crowded with people, so at least you'll feel safe with them.

In my case, I have started to go to my school alone when I was in sixth grade. I needed to commute going to and from school which was really difficult especially when surrounded with adults. I felt so small but it's just a step. You know what they say, experience should always be the best teacher.
 
R

R3TR0

Public Access
#10
#10
tuli said:
I'm 19. And my parents take me everywhere. The city is insecure and there are risks of me getting kidnapped or robbed or stuff like that, that's what they've argumented all this time. It's true, but I can't just lock me up here.
It's starting to get a toll on me because I never get to go out nowhere? My parents quarrel a lot so if one is not feeling like it I don't get out, and knowing new places might do me some good, besides the fact thAT IM 19 AND I SHOULD ALREADY BE DOING THINGS BY MYSELF.
However I'm really, really scared of going out. I've tried going to a store that's like 4 blocks from home, and even if i have gone with my mom and know the way, when I went alone i was super anxious and didn't know where I was!
I felt every person was going to kidnap me, I know this sounds stupid but I can't it.
When I finally made it to the store I was shaking.
I don't know how I'd do if I had to take the subway. I'd die there.
This makes me feel super useless, tied to this place. Also my parents always talk about how its not their obligation to take me to school, and I know I'm taking a lot of their time. Part of me yells "you never teached me how!" And the other really feels guilty.
How was your first time going out on your own?
Click to expand...
well i was about 5 when i was first on my own outside because my mom still to this day doesnt let me out unless im with a friend she knows the location and how long im gonna be and a bunch of other stuff even tho i usually make it up on the fly all that stuff i was super scared but had adrenaline coursing thru me i went to a place my mom always deemed dodgey and just walked around by myself i think i had a phone too but it felt exillerating and i still regularly sneak out now to go to the shop and stuff
 
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