I dont feel masculine enough (transgender Ftm)

I just feel like an "egg", like a "girl/woman that claims to be a boy/man but clearly isn't doesnt even act like one yet alone look like one"

emotional dysregulation, people pleasing etc gives me immense gender dysphoria, no wonder MBTI/ enneagram is a source of distress
the fact im 19 and ive been transgender since age 11, its all my fault, if I were REALLY that male i would have transitioned by now, even not medically i could psychologically pass as one

I just feel too "feminine" for some reason to pass as male, and feeling miserable because of it

I look weird and cringe and ugly and ridiculous, irrespective of gender

Rather than "cute trans boy fluffy hair" or smth

I dont know why im transgender in the first place.

all my transphobic af mother has to say is "puberty" "not wanting a womans body"
but then why am I so disgusted by that in the first place? it wouldnt necessarily have to involve transitioning to male, i could just be an androgynous/ childish adult woman (the former is why she thinks im being irrational, which is anti self

Complaining when i get misgendered, rather than ngaf, also makes me feel even more dysphoric

What is ngaf?

Oh its an abbreviation for "not give a fuck" "not care"

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like its dramatic, and hence more feminine more anti-self more gender dysphoric, of me to complain about being misgendered, to make the pain even worse

Not to take things too lightly, and I get that you come at it differently, but “not feeling masculine enough” is a very common anxiety among men and something most of them will be able to relate to.

Worrying about your masculinity is, in fact, one of the most masculine things a person can do. Just saying.