Depression holds me like a ball and chain.

@ UrbanRose......I'm hearing you, or I think I'm hearing what you're saying. I know very well what isolation can feel like.....or at least what my version of it is.
You describe things so clearly.......getting dressed, opening a can of soup being more effort than you can come up with. I've lived my version of that too.
I believe what you're saying. I think you're right about being isolated long enough can result in despair. And one's social phobia pretty much gets in the way of leaving your apartment and functioning in some form of socially active setting.
A few years ago I enrolled in a community college class......no pre-requisites needed, I could (and did) sit in the back of the room and listen........very little was needed from me in terms of contribution. But it got me out of the house, got me dressed and I wasn't quite so isolated for awhile. Oh dear! Am I breaking forum rules here? No advice needed........
Well, it isn't advice, just a bit of my own experience.....
OK, you know, 'presenting well' could be an asset.........You might well know that you're in distress but other people not knowing it could give you some confidence in getting out of the apartment for whatever mission or task you set for yourself.....I'm thinking that you can "Fake it"........fake it 'till you make it.....maybe if the outside world responds to you in a social back-and-forth in some semblance of what is considered as a consensus of "normality"........it might actually lead to an un-isolated trajectory.......
These are just some thoughts......really just blind steps on sand on my part. What I do clearly know about depression is that depressed people (been there) just do not want to move. Both literally and figuratively.
It's a tough place to be in. To state the obvious. I'm sorry that you're in a depression right now.
How about taking some small steps........like improving your diet? Go to the grocery store (presenting well) and come home with some healthy foodstuffs......fruits and vegetables, not any ultra processed crap.
Legumes.......make some hearty bean soup and eat it with a whole grain bread.

OK.......May you be healthy, happy and free of the causes of suffering.

Oh dear! Am I breaking forum rules here? No advice needed........

I believe the problem is that I present well. When I go for an appointment, I look clean and neat. I speak sensibly. I try not to be melodramatic. I get dismissed as not being in any great distress.

Today I've eaten only bread and butter because opening a can of soup would take more energy than I can come up with

I guess I'm a weakling

Sorry that you're going through this.

Do you describe the features of what you're experiencing? Like will you say that you have low energy, or will you give the specifics that you won't bathe and can't make soup? They might reacting the way they are despite knowing, but they also might not know how bad it is.

I'm sorry it's like that. There are some simple meal ideas here:
https://www.suicideforum.com/commun...top-obsessive-rumination.179479/#post-2442456

...but be warned that many of the "recipes" are close to the difficulty level of soup. I get this by the way. I'm not at a level where soup is too hard, but I'm pretty much at the same low-energy level all the time, with some minor improvements in the Summer.

I've found it hugely helpful to only eat cooked foods served warm. Bread might make things worse, so it might be a good food to avoid. Freshly cooked foods are ideal, but sometimes that takes more work.

These links may be helpful:

Chinese Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture, World's Second Largest Medical System

Self-Treatment and Miscellaneous


I don't think that's true. You have real and significant problems. It doesn't matter if someone else has cancer, etc., it's still something that has a profound effect on your life. Please be gentle with yourself.

I hope things can get better soon.

Thanks for understanding.

I feel like a failure because I don't manage my life all that well.

I believe the problem is that I present well. When I go for an appointment, I look clean and neat. I speak sensibly. I try not to be melodramatic. I get dismissed as not being in any great distress.

Stopping by to say I'm glad you are here. How are you doing, @UrbanRose . I hope - for all of us - the new year is better than last year.

Hi @UrbanRose. Thank you for being brave and sharing how you feel. Depression can be very debilitating, I hope I used the right word. But, I've been there, house a wreck, unshowered, if anyone says anything to me good or bad I would just break out in tears, if I did make it outside. I'm sorry that you're going through this right now, but I believe that it's something that hopefully will pass with treatment and time. I hope you can start healing very soon. Please know that there are folks here that care about you. Are you taking any medicine for the depression? It was a lifesaver for me. I've been on different ones for many years.

Also, you are not a weakling or any of those things you tell yourself. That's the depression monster talking. You are an articulate and kind individual as far as I can tell. How are you feeling today UrbanRose?

Thank you for all the encouragement. It helps. I have improved and am doing a bit better. Still hard to get out of bed. I have been on an antidepressant for years.

Thanks for the posts. I am doing better than I was.

Advice or anything anyone wants to post is welcome. I'm very depressed.

For days I've been staying in pajamas and not wanting to leave my apartment. Today I've eaten only bread and butter because opening a can of soup would take more energy than I can come up with. Plus my kitchen is already somewhat of a mess, like the rest of my place.

I'm not having any urges to harm myself, and I don't have a history of that. What I have is a history of being isolated. I know what I could and should do about that. Right now getting dressed is beyond me.

So, if anyone can offer a little encouragement, it would help. I live alone and have no one to talk to. In between these episodes of depression, I do quite well. Being in an episode can be brutal.

No one believes me. In March I twisted my doctor's arm into referring me for some psych help. He got me an appointment with a psychologist. After talking to the psychologist, he said I could come back in 5 weeks. So, right there, he showed he didn't think I merited much of his time. I saw him less than once a month for a few appointments. Then he left the system where I get my healthcare. So that was the end of that.

I believe the problem is that I present well. When I go for an appointment, I look clean and neat. I speak sensibly. I try not to be melodramatic. I get dismissed as not being in any great distress.

I know that lots of people have way worse problems than I've ever had. I guess I'm a weakling. I guess my tendency toward social phobia is nothing, compared to problems like not having enough to eat, or having a stage 4 cancer. I recognize that. But being isolated long enough can result in despair.

Luckily, a little encouragement goes a long way with me. I don't need tons of attention. Right now I could use a little.

I had some bad luck today. Things seem pretty dark right now. I'm afraid.

I'm sorry.