Is it selfish to have kids when you can’t afford it or have mental health issues

Is it selfish to have kids when you can’t afford or have mental health issues? I have anxiety and depression along with alcoholism. I’m also a virgin so I don’t need to worry about having kids because I never had sex before. I’m thinking of getting a vasectomy one day in the near future because I don’t want to have kids who might inherit my mental illness and alcoholism. I also can’t afford to have kids because i don’t make $40000 to $80000 a year with benefits. Some people can inherit mental illness or alcoholism from their family.

Here's some advice I have. Know that depression and anxeity are more from one's experiances than through their birth, if that is all you suffer from on a phsycological level, it cannot be inherited. You being a virgin is certainly a blessing, because you can clearly think about if and how you want to have kids, you'll probably be more responsible with your sexuality as well. Also, childeren are blessing and think about the cost will just force you to be disuaded from having kids, most parent I know didnt plan their finaces just to have kids. Settling down is the most important. The way I see is that you seem very aware and vigilant against contuing generational ills to the young, I would take that as a sign that you would be eager to cure those ills and try to do better. I have alcoholics in my family, plenty of abuse, but I should expect that someone aware like yourself would avoid such vices. Usually eager young men clean their acts for their families if have a loving heart. I'd like to say that you would make a great father. Don't sterilize your self, that'll just make more stagnation and death in your. Having kids would bring growth and life.

personally i believe having children at all is profoundly immoral. The world is a shitty place and bringing someone into the world to experience this world is completely fucked up.

Thanks alcoholism is in my family I had family members quite alcohol and lost my mom to alcoholism from getting liver cirrhosis. Also mental illness is in my family too. In my mom’s side of family they have depression and in my dad’s side of family one of my cousin has schizophrenia. My mom had depression. Yes mental illness is not always genetic but sometimes can be genetic or inherited. I’m also in the process of getting diagnosed with autism.

Agreed it’s selfish to have kids if you’re not financially well off.

I have a different experience. I have had suicidal thoughts for as long as I can remember. I got a healthy dose of adverse childhood experiences growing up, but PTSD and depression are different things. My depression has always been there, although I remember feeling relatively secure before age 6, and I still wished I had not been born.

The scientific studies have mixed results, suggesting that both genetic and environmental factors contribute to the development of depression. I like the way I heard one researcher describe it, “Nature loads the gun, and nurture pulls the trigger.”

I don’t know about alcoholism. The current treatment paradigm is that alcoholism is a family disease, meaning that the person who is destructively drinking is one piece of a larger mechanism. The assumption that we as individual (bodies with our own digestive and nervous systems) are independent moral agents is not supported by evidence.

So whether it’s genetic or not, there is strong evidence to suggest that alcoholism does run in family lines, meaning that if my father had alcohol use disorder, then all else held equal, I have a higher likelihood of disordered alcohol use, too.

You probably don't need to get a vasectomy if you're a virgin. If you have occasional sex, birth control methods like a condom are probably sufficient. You'd only really need a vasectomy as birth control if you were planning to have lots of unprotected sex.

Scizophrenia is the most likely disorder to be heridetary

I have been pretty anti natalist for years. Short version is that despite probably pretty valid math regarding replacement rate it seems like we suck at the resource management for our population.

True every thing is getting expensive in the world. I can’t believe people who can’t afford kids are allowed to have kids which is selfish. Even they allow pedophiles to have kids which is dangerous because they may harm their own kids. Even women drinking alcohol when being pregnant can cause kids to have fetal alcohol syndrome.

My grandfather was also a shut in with a substance abuse problems. The parallels between his life and mine are striking. He ended up committing suicide. I never met him so condolences aren’t necessary, but fear of ending up (even more) like him is very real.

My misanthropy runs counter to my libertarianism when it comes to personal choice. As much as I find some people's choices distasteful getting upset about seems odd to me.

True but tax payers have to pay for single moms who can’t afford their kids like food stamps and welfare money or government benefits. Single moms also get alimony and child support while it’s hard to for us mentally ill folks to get disability benefits.

Sorry to hear that. I suffer from alcoholism. My dad and mom were alcoholics my dad quit and my mom passed away. I had an alcoholic uncle too who passed away.

I think you'll get a large variety of resoponses, which in the end will not produce a conclusive answer.

Perhaps it is a topic better discussed with your therapist &/or your partner. I'm sorry you have alcoholism and are stugging with other mental and emotional issues.

My family of origin are heavy but as they euphemistically call themselves, high-functioning drinkers Some of these people abused me. Watching them while I was growning up turned me very much against using alcohol as a crutch or a 'self-medication.'

I dunno. I get how you feel on a emotional level but it's a territory that is very slippery slope from a policy perspective.

nope. You are wrong.

ι raised 2 children with no alimony and 100.00 a month child support.

Maybe I'm the worst person to talk about it, but I've been a son so maybe I can say something.

If you are conflicted about having a son or not I would say that you should think more about it instead of taking a extreme decision.

Maybe you will have a child who will inherit your worst traits. But maybe they will not be like you, who knows.

Maybe you can be a decent father. Even a less than perfect father is ok. It is all up to you.

I just don't believe in ever trying to optimize the world. Even broken people have the right to be happy the way they can.

But I think the best way is for you to deal with those issues first before ever trying to have a son.

From my point of view, it's selfish. I am almost 40 years old and I have no children. I think for that reason.
I don't want my children to get a bad upbringing, as I can't give them a good upbringing because of my situation.

Having children is not only the financial aspects, there is also the mental capacity to parent effectively.

What kind of partner will you be?
Will you parent like your parents or be better prepared because of your experiences.

There’s choosing a good partner and knowing their family background.

Use the trials and errors of family and friends to determine when it is the best time and how to be a “supportive” partner and parent.

tax payers have to pay for single moms who can’t afford their kids like food stamps and welfare money or government benefits.
-Taxes should provide assistance for its citizens. All consumers pay into a tax system and individual citizens should reap personal benefits from that system. The bigger issue is tax dollars bailing out businesses and corporations, and funding causes frivolously.

Single moms also get alimony and child support
- single dads get alimony and child support as well.

while it’s hard to for us mentally ill folks to get disability benefits.
- single parents aren’t the reason government make it hard to acquire financial and medical assistance for those with disabilities. You’re directing your frustrations at the wrong people.

Hope you’re able to make the right choice for yourself