How can I keep an open mind?

I keep coming back to an idea I read about several months ago, and it may even have been on this site. Someone was talking about young kids help adults find a fresh perspective on the world because everything is new to the child. As adults, we have pre-formed opinions about so many things, and may ignore or devalue large parts of the world. For example, an adult might think they've seen little shrubs 10000 times and are not interested in them, but to a 2 year old, maybe a little shrub is the most amazing thing in the world that day. This can help force the adult to re-evaluate their way of thinking and find a way to appreciate a shrub (or whatever it is).

When I thought about that, I realized that I do gloss over large parts of life because of past experiences. I have thought things like:
- I didn't like many people I met, so if I meet new people I would probably not like them. I shouldn't bother.
- Dating didn't work out with previous partners. Statistically, any future relationship should fail as well.
- I ended up disliking most jobs I had. If I got a new job, I would surely dislike it as well.
- etc.

I have tried telling myself things like like "Even if it's only 1% chance, it's totally worth it when you find a friend", but it just doesn't motivate or persuade me. How can I keep an open mind regarding new people/places/things?

Thanks in advance for your ideas.

I play the piano (badly) but my elderly mum likes to hear me play. And every week I used to play and think 'That was shit, I'm a terrible pianist" and this went on for years and now I think "hold on, that wasn't so bad!" I spent the first 20 years of my life with no real meaningful friendships and suddenly I met a friend who meant the world to me. The fact that I found a friend or managed to bang out a simple tune meant so much to me just because I'd failed so often in the past. If these things had always been easy for me then maybe I wouldn't appreciate them so much?

"...It's funny, every time you come up against a true barrier to your progress, you are a child again. And as you overcome each one of these barriers, you end up learning something about yourself."

These are some quotes from Brandon Lee that helped me with the same thing I think you are referring to. Hope it helps. Now if I could just listen to my own advice..

I think it has to do more with growing internally through the struggle than the reaching the achievement, but what do I know.

@Ziggy Well done on learning the piano. I tried briefly but couldn't get into it. It's true that challenges can bring greater appreciation.

@I Love Tomorrow I will digest that quote. That's an interesting perspective about trying to make friends even if I think it will fail because it will make me grow.

As per usual I have a rather lengthy post....so apologies in advance...

For me I have an innate tendency to allow the past to define my present and future. Mistakes made in the past, failed attempts at "x" in the past, etc. inevitably for me leads to ruminations/regrets/focus on the past rather than living in the present.

I like your idea of a child's perspective - I think children have far more moments of living in the present - so if a shrubbery is fascinating today they embrace it fully - likewise they are more willing to try "x" again because it is a new day.

This is a way oversimplification of childhood as I remember my own angsts etc. but I also remember just an unrestrained willingness to try new things - to just give it a go so to speak.

I believe for me that I missed many experiences in part (a myriad of other reasons as well but who's counting) because I acquiesced to my fear of repetition of the past simultaneously while stubbornly remaining in my comfort zone. Not sure if that makes sense or not.

I am now trying to change this automatic mindset so that I greet each day as a gift - a gift which if I am open to it I can live intentionally in the present moment with gratitude. Embrace fully the people, circumstances, experiences that cross my path on life's journey -- and in so doing experience new things--truly live and grow rather than exist. This is an uphill battle for me -- as most days feel like Sisyphus - but do believe is possible and the moments I do are worth all the effort.

There are two quotes which I return to frequently to remind me of the worthiness of this change in mindset--

Don't waste you time looking back at what you've lost. Move on, life is not meant to be traveled backwards. Don't regret the past, correct the future by changing the present. -a friend

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. J-an Glidewell

Again sorry for the long post as this is something working through myself clearly.

@Kiwi2016 , I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.
This is well put. I will try to apply this mindset.

You're so sweet. Wishing you a good day on today's journey

I do like the one about how children see things. I do believe that is one of the fun things with pets, especially a kitten or a puppy because dogs and cats get to a certain age and they can be like us humans. Lazier and wanting relaxed while a child of anything can be playful as can be.

I see much of life as it was put in an old favorite movie of mine.


Life is a circus depending on how you view it.

Heard this today "your life isn't what happens to you, but what you tell yourself about what happened" and I heard this yesterday "trust isn't about what others do to you, you are guaranteed to get hurt and let down, trust is knowing you can handle it and won't let others actions define who you become"...

Not sure if they apply here per se... but it's akin to past reflection on present vibration.

When it comes to your description of children - that is what guru's say is "wonderment". Wonderment is the heart of universe, we exist because of wonderment. Wonderment is perhaps the highest vibrational emotion we can experience and it's that wonder that creates drive. When you wonder - you are open because you are admitting to yourself you don't know. Once you can admit - you don't know.... openness happens.

So what do YOU wonder about? That's the thread to pull ... it may not be meeting others or traveling to new places. I can get lost in the simplest things all alone wondering about it - watching it - experiencing it. Wonder how certain glass pieces were made for years and ended up building my own glass blowing studio as result. (I get hands on when I wonder) I love plants - one time saw a time lapse of seed sprout and it spiraled up - it didn't just go up.... I was down that wonder hole for months -- WHY spiral - what's the ratio - what else does that .... it was amazing to learn about the precise order in what seemed like total chaos at times. Each wonder can lead to new information causing more wonders.

Sometimes to find your wonderment, you need to be poked by new people or places as we fall into ruts of complacency. Or lack exposure to something that may spark your wonder - so that may drive you to get out and experience more.

I now end most of my work emails with "may you have wonder filled day" as result of how my feelings have grown after having heard a guru articulate the vibrational expansions associated with wonder. I feel as though when I wonder - the universe smiles as if that was my purpose all along as a human being. To wonder and create so we may be the eyes of the world.

My two cents.

With that --- I hope ALL who read this have a wonder filled life.

A child may say "wow! plants are amazing I love them!) but as an adult you should have a deeper appreciation of things. For example, trees move towards better environments (ie. their offspring grow in places with better water or sunlight) and there's people who say that plants communicate with each other to avoid bad environments. Some adults may say "so what?" but that's their choice.

I've always been seen as being an odd person because people will say "oh I love this song" and I then ask "what's the difference between music and noise?". Maybe adults think "I know, but children don't know", yet if more adults think "actually, do I really know?" then they may appreciate life more?

I think the WOW factor and that is the PERFECT word to use here --- so wonderful you caught that vibe --- is different for each person as we all have our place and no two are the same. So I guess that's what I meant as far why be open to new things - none of my nieces or nephews have any wow factor at plants ... but they have their things.

What IS the difference between music and noise? Hm - now I wonder... LOL Because some music can be noise depending on the listener or even the mood of the listener itself. Imagine that -- we can filter it all alone based on mood (perhaps our frequency) and song we like can become so grating at times (perhaps doesn't resonate with our frequency at the moment) .... can we control that frequency if that's what it is .. how??? Perhaps we can control how depressed we feel if we could understand that ... so how could we understand it better.... In case you hadn't guessed by now - odd is an understatement for me. I don't wonder these things to others as an adult... because frankly adults don't care and would likely find it annoying. But I do wonder them out loud with children who are often intrigued for at least short stints. If other adults don't care and are good with that, so am I. If I must converse them, I try to seek out what causes them to wonder with the conversational path. People usually love to talk about their interests.

I like to the play the matrix game if i can't find wonder. What if the world is a matrix (we actually can not disprove this theory) - so what if it is? WHY did I project this experience to me ... what was i trying to learn/ say / feel with this exact moment .....?


I think the adult "I know" is either Ego or defense ... because the reality is we really can't know it all and life with all its components, is ever changing from one nanosecond to the next. How many times when someone goes horribly wrong do you hear the persons friends say OMG guess I really never knew that person. So what do we REALLY know? How do we know it literally - through the electrical impulse in our physical body. So it's different for all us - even when we think we are having the same experience at that same time in the same space --

Lesson I got from a guru is the WOW; the Wonder is the key that causes us to open .... as soon as we become the seeker vs the knower ... the journey begins ... and to a child it's all new, so they are naturally seekers until they are told things to 'know'. Sadly we now teach via almost exclusively through telling vs experiences. I wish it were more the latter for the sake of the children and our future as a society.

So if I don't want to go to a place because I know it will suck, or I don't talk to that person because they truly won't get me anyway ... do I really know that? Maybe it wasn't about me - maybe I changed someone else by being there or listening? How much of the full picture do I really have?

Never really know when you might have that one experience that changes your life and you may never know if you created an experience that changed someone else's life .

Hmm yes that sounds true.
I have not seen that movie before, but I agree the world can be a circus. I don't remember buying tickets for it though.. I must be one of the performers then. Hope someone is getting a good laugh.

A lot of things, but I struggle to have the energy to look into them.

Music is what you choose to listen to. Noise is what you are forced to hear.

I frequently remember elementary school teachers trying to get us to do creative writing, with the mantra "Show, don't tell". I think this is related to what you are saying?

Wow that's a bit harsh, if a child is dragged along to a Beethoven Symphony against his will then to call it 'noise' seems a bit unfair. However I do like the idea that to the child it's noise and to the parent it's music. Also the Symphony written down on a piece of paper would be considered to be a piece of music even if it's never played. You could argue over this, it's just how people choose to define words and whether you need to agree on those definitions or not.

Physically showing one's brain newness; for ex., going outside to a new place for a walk, volunteer for outdoor chores or choosing the next level up if one is able, like going hiking or learning to backpack. These kinds of things can and should be done mostly without a smart phone and will refresh a person in many ways.

@Ziggy, don't worry, I won't be submitting my 'definition' to Webster or other official dictionaries anytime soon. It's what came to mind when thinking about apartment life. My neighbor surely thinks they are listening to 'music' but since they are playing it loudly and I am forced to listen to it, I consider it 'noise', even if they play a song that I personally like. Because I didn't choose to listen to it right then but am being forced to (minus beating down their door).

@seabird thanks for the clarification on what you are talking about. Don't worry, I got that part on lockdown.

If you beat down their door in a rhythmic fashion maybe you could argue to the police that you were composing a piece of percussive music for them?