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Vertical and Horizontal Relationships

Inastorm

Inastorm

SF Supporter
#1
#1
I'm sure many of you may have read the book 'the courage to be disliked', it's all about the works and ideas of the psychiatrist Alfred Adler.

Adler talks about vertical and horizontal relationships, where a vertical relationship is one in which a hierarchy exists – some of the people are viewed as being “above” while others are seen as “below” or “beneath”. A horizontal relationship, on the other hand, is one amongst equals.

I've been really reflecting on this and find that while I do have 'horizontal relationships', I also do have many 'vertical relationships' and I was sadden to see that I treat others like they are 'beneath' me. For example, we had a new worker in the office, I treated them as if they were new, like I was the more experienced - shame on me. Since I've been reflecting on this, I am making a effort to have horizontal relationships (with the person who has started employment also).

I just wanted to put that out there, to see if other people are aware of this.

The other thing the book promotes, is encouragement over praise, where praise is considered a judgement (bad). Instead of saying 'good job', you might say 'you put a lot of hard work into that'. Ive been trying it out and its interesting the responses you get from people (good ones).
 
AmberMarie

AmberMarie

SF Supporter
#2
#2
Inastorm said:
I'm sure many of you may have read the book 'the courage to be disliked', it's all about the works and ideas of the psychiatrist Alfred Adler.

Adler talks about vertical and horizontal relationships, where a vertical relationship is one in which a hierarchy exists – some of the people are viewed as being “above” while others are seen as “below” or “beneath”. A horizontal relationship, on the other hand, is one amongst equals.

I've been really reflecting on this and find that while I do have 'horizontal relationships', I also do have many 'vertical relationships' and I was sadden to see that I treat others like they are 'beneath' me. For example, we had a new worker in the office, I treated them as if they were new, like I was the more experienced - shame on me. Since I've been reflecting on this, I am making a effort to have horizontal relationships (with the person who has started employment also).

I just wanted to put that out there, to see if other people are aware of this.

The other thing the book promotes, is encouragement over praise, where praise is considered a judgement (bad). Instead of saying 'good job', you might say 'you put a lot of hard work into that'. Ive been trying it out and its interesting the responses you get from people (good ones).
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i appreciate this view on things. You have put it into words of an easy understanding. This is how i would manage my staff, but could never find the words to describe it. Thank you!

i fully agree that by lifting people up, it helps set them up for achieving higher goals. When people feel good about what they do, then they strive to do better because it brings them joy. Happier employees = better employees.
 
Inastorm

Inastorm

SF Supporter
#4
#4
That's an interesting point, where I think superiority, which is what vertical relationships are like, is a little like the power and position one must feel being immortal. It makes me feel a bit sick that I myself have treated people like this. Though I would point out that most relationships are like this, but now I know, I am going to do my best to be aware and try have horizontal relationships.
 
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