Ideas & Opinions Did i do good or wrong?

Ive told mom not to keep up hope that i will heal because i'll keep trying and attempting until i succeed.

I wanted her to be aware of reality rather than holding onto false hope.

She seemed to understand but today i saw her more depressed than ever.

Maybe i should have let her have hope?

After she knew i felt relieved but today after seeing her i felt a monster...

I had good intentioned but it seems they mean nothing...

What did i do???

I don't think it's bad that you told her what your intentions were. You were just being honest.

I think you could tell her that you felt bad about telling her the truth. If there's a treatment method that you haven't tried yet that you could, then telling her that you'll try it for her sake might help her feel better.

@dying_inside — being honest that you feel as low as you do is a good thing. It lets other people be there to give you support.

I think what your mom is trying to deal with is your lack of hope. I can imagine that she would be quite distressed by that…essentially, you were saying you feel that eventually you will suicide.

You have been asking about treatments today and you have been inpatient for a bit now. I think that feeling hopeless is frequently part of depression. In the heat of the moment, it’s hard to remember, but really, feelings are not “facts.” We can feel that there is no hope. I wonder if maybe in a week from now, after some rest and time to reflect, and perhaps with help from your therapist or pdoc or the hospital team, you will start to see a glimmer.

I’m sure you intended to help “prepare” your mom for the worst “possible” outcome. And it likely was upsetting for her. Tomorrow, you might take a moment to tell her that depression does make people feel very hopeless about the future. In fact, you could have that discussion with your mom along with your hospital pdoc and/or regular pdoc and/or psych. I have found that if people don’t understand how desperate a depressed person can feel, they may not understand the malady and how it can present. If we, as depressed persons, make very emotional statements, others close to us might not know what to make of them, how to deal with them, or even who they can go to for support. Depression in one member of the family can have an effect on other members.

I truly believe that this is a discussion worth having with your mom and some of your care providers at the same time. They can offer both of you some insight and help your mom find support if she wants it.

And as @may71 says, maybe you can let your mom know that you didn’t mean to upset her...And maybe keep your mind open to going into some kind of treatment. It’s never too late for something to work. Even the same treatment modality that didn’t work before, might work this time. Sometimes it has to do with timing and individual readiness for the therapy.

The fact that you have been asking for and seeking answers here suggests you might feel hopeless but you are still actually somehow hoping for some kind of treatment that works. All is not lost.

As May and Acy have said I don't think it's bad or wrong that you told you mom how you feel. Honesty is important. I am sure she is struggling with the depth of how you feel. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be honest. If you asked her I'm sure she would tell you she would rather hear the truth. I also agree with the rest of what Acy and won't even try to say it better.

Keep asking questions and reaching out, you really are doing great.