Ideas & Opinions It's getting rough y'all..

Hi everyone..!
I'm trying to brighten my path ahead, I'm really seeking out help and I hope I can be welcomed here. I PROMISE you I'm willing to take your advice, I want to get out of this fight in one piece just as much you do.

I'll get straight to the nitty gritty if that's okay, however if this is too harsh of a subject, feel free to not have to respond

So I've found myself stuck in a very.. well, depressive loop in life. I am a 15 year old in high school, and has been struggling with anxiety for the past 2 1/2 years now. Anxiety was absolutely manageable, however, recently I have encountered a much more difficult obstacle for myself and I'm really lost. I suspect I - have symptoms of depression. I've tried and tried to figure out exactly what's going on, but my parents take it as I'm being an angsty teen and that automatically makes them not want to help me seek options. In all fairness, they don't know the full extent of it, but I'd rather not. I know it will end badly. I am set on that decision.

I am a complete chatter box at times!.. lol, I'm invested in talking about my own things as much as I'm invested in hearing everyone I know out. I love, care and try to nourish my friends as they are the most valuable part of my life, and truly in the end make it worth living.. however these past couple of months, I've found it hard to keep connections, and I've found myself very much so alone, and unable to speak to anybody.

Slowly I'm watching as some of my best friends move away from me. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, and it's really getting to me. No-one, not even my best friends I believed would be around for years and years even respond to me now. I feel like I make everybody awkward and unhappy, and everything I do to help actually seems to be making things worse which is the definition of twisting the knife in the wound haha.

Some of my friends ended up being really horrible people, lately and I just don't know how to take it.. They have relations to a very infamous internet figure (if you want to figure out more about this "figure", search "Hypnotist Sappho" on google. There should be information there) and its heart-breaking seeing them go down such a terrible path, as I know they are truly better.. but there was nothing I could do, and I ended up having to leave every single place of contact I even had with them.. causing us to lose touch. There were multiple people coming from that friend group, I lost a good chunk of close friends after that day.

I've dabbled a lot more into relationships in the past, however I've recently made an oath to never make that decision until I'm CONFIDENT, due to how poorly they've ended. I was doxed by someone.. i've known for 3 years up until this event, been sent detailed death wishes from them, their peers, and my personal information is out on websites i-dont-even-know where to be honest.

You might be thinking this is bad and all, but why did it lead me here?

It led me here because I'm scared this is how it's going to be forever. I want to see if there are outlets. I don't want to live a lonely life. I don't want these scars to haunt me. I don't want the voices of the people I failed, to echo in my mind any longer. I need help.

Thank you for reading

@I_want_to_live

Hello and welcome because you are on a fine place to vent and find some outlets with us. This is a good forum to explore and great members to get to know. I hope that these feelings do not last forever and here you are at a welcoming place and can express yourself as you please and want.

I know maybe one person now that I knew when I was 15. I've moved around quite a lot so maybe that's some of the reason. When you finish school you will meet different people, lots of people. some you will connect with, some you will clash with. A few may end up as friends for life but most won't. I'm not good at holding on to friendships, but I think of it as they come into my life to teach me something.
I don't know if any of that helps. I remember 15 and it was hard So hugs to you

Hey it looks like you haven't been on SF for a long time. I hope you're ok and that you'll come back to visit if you'd like.

I think, what you go through is absolutely normal. Most of us here had the same issues, when young. You simply cannot be friends with everybody. Impossible and useless. Many of them are just "buddies" to pass time have some fun - but there is nothing serious behind. Why do you think - the older you get, the less friends you have? Because only real friendships stay - and they are for a lifetime. I can count them on one hand.

Concerning your recent changes and eventual depressions - the only tip I can give you is - make some sports. I know that many "difficult" persons got very well when doing some combat sport (judo, karate etc.). Gives you discipline, self-assurance, strength, new friends and a feeling of security. So instead of sinking into a pit now, start something new.

And: being alone is not that bad, you just need to get used to it. If you want to talk to your parents is your choice (I have never done that, I always lied).

You will find here a lot of advice - take what fits the best. You will see it works. Have a nice WE. Trump has more depression and less friends than you (and I am not from the US, ok?).