Practical Advice I am facing up to 50 years behind bars

My only option at this point is <Mod edit - method>. My other option involves being somebody's sex slave in prison, getting extorted, beat up, stabbed, never getting to see my family again, constantly being lonely, bored and miserable, and never getting to see the light of day again. I am not going to provide any details about my legal case, nor am I going to say what it's for. My trial is slowly dragging along. Give me one reason to live.

Without knowing the specifics its hard to give specific answers, but I suppose it cant hurt to try:
- No matter how bleak things look, you may yet win the case.
- If you are innocent there is always the chance of appeal, if you can prove a miscarriage of justice I think you can even get a sizable settlement
- Without knowing the specifics of things I cant say for sure, but if you're family don't hate you, or if they do but they may calm down, they may still visit you, this isn't the end for you and your family.
- Prison systems release people all the time, even heinous murderers get out way before their full sentence is served. Good behaviour and overcrowding can have you out well in before 50 years.
- Prisons aren't pleasant places, but they are oversold in TV and Film, the ones you see on the TV are perhaps representative of the worst prisons. I have met people who went to prison, and they didn't seem destroyed by the experience. They acknowledged it wasn't a good one, but depending on the country and prison you may even get your own damned TV and Xbox in your cell, work programs, learning opportunities and courses, etc. This is best case sure, but what you know now is worst case, what you will get is likely somewhere in between.

Now onto the less specific:
- The world looks the darkest right when you're about to enter the darkness, but we soon adapt. It is fear and waiting which makes us catastrophise. Yes you are facing a catastrophe, but there are always options, ways to make it easier, ways to make it shorter, ways to still see family, grow, contribute etc.
- 50 years is a long damned time, but considering how quickly some people are let out on parole, you can still have some life afterwards.

Look, honest truth, your situation sucks, I would hate to be in it myself, but you are currently sitting on the edge of the ravine. The anticipation always makes us look for an out, we see what is coming and either look to run or lament our doom, but when it happens we face it, adapt and survive. It takes time to acclimatise to our situation before we see our options.

Try to hold on, nothing is ever black or white, you have options left, and no life is without any reason to continue.

I can understand your thoughts, my situation is not as bad but I have felt at least a piece of what you are going through.
You have a decision to make, whether you want to live the life that is left for you now or if you want to use your method. No one can decide for you if what you have left to live is going to be worth it but I hope you will think it is.
Often the fear of what is coming can be far worse than the reality, prison will of course be bad but it is survivable for many and you can adapt to it. There will be many people who have gone to prison in your country that will have written about their experiences online. See if you can find one of these and read up so you can be as prepared as possible.

I am sorry about your situation. I understand why you feel as you do. I won't offer empty platitudes. What you are potentially facing won't be pleasant.

I will say that I have friends who served time in prison, one on Riker's Island, which is not a club med resort by any stretch...not fifty years, but lengthy enough. It was hard for them, but they adapted, found a routine, kept busy, and made the most of every opportunity made available to them. They were not raped, they were not stabbed, they didn't get beat up. They were polite and minded their own business, and made friends when they could. They maintained contact with who they could on the outside.

They are now out and doing well, all things considered. They adapted and persevered. You can too.

There is a ton of information out there about preparing for and coping with prison. There are resources available.

Don't give up.

I would say, first of all, get a good lawyer who can perhaps discredit some of the evidence they might have against you...

But I'm assuming either way you're going to end up serving at least some time from the sounds of it, so I will also say this: prison is a place where you absolutely have to stand up for yourself when necessary and make friends who will have your back in case you need them. If you show any signs of weakness at all, people quickly take advantage of it. It's literally survival of the fittest in there. Most of the COs won't typically help you and may, in fact, be shady as fuck and do the opposite if they get paid off well enough, so use that to your advantage or someone else will. And always be prepared for the unexpected. That's the best advice anyone can really give you as far as prison goes.

But I do agree with the others that before you jump the gun, first see how your case turns out and work on getting a great lawyer. Get a consultation with one and they should automatically tell you whether they think they can help or not.

1. You may not be convicted.
2. Prison may not be as bad as you expect it to be.

With so much at stake, it's important to make sure that you're not overestimating either the risk of conviction or how bad things would be in prison. Hopefully your lawyer will be able to tell you what your odds are. I think there's at least one prison-related forum out there that might be able to give you a realistic sense of what you could expect in prison.

If you're innocent, reasonable doubt will likely protect you. If you're guilty, then you've probably done some bad things, and there are some survivors or surviving family members to whom you owe an apology. Expressions of sincere regret and remorse can actually go along way toward helping someone heal. I don't know if you'd have it in you to live for that, but that could be something to live for.

In the enlightenment tradition, there are stories of people finding realization in jail. From this perspective, life is not about finding pleasure or worldly happiness, and doing intense meditation practice and enduring harsh conditions is actually a path that can help you find realization.

I'm not saying "it is so" or that you should want to embrace that, I'm just telling you about that.

We are here for you.

I would say a reason to live is there is nothing set in stone and the future can go in any of many directions. I am glad that you are with us and welcome, wishing you the best.

This is absolutely correct. Nothing is ever set in stone. I don't know what it is you allegedly did, but for all you know, the cops might not even show up to court. From what you're saying, it does sound like a serious crime, so that's probably unlikely, but still possible. My point is, you just never know. You don't want to make a decision based off of what you think MIGHT happen.

I just registered here and read your post. I am in a similar situation. I go to court in a couple of weeks. My crime is not as severe but I could still face several years. I suffer from anxiety, depression, panic attacks and other physical health issues. I'm having panic attacks daily. I am not innocent but I have not physically harmed anyone. I just did something very stupid. I have been to the magistrates court twice but it was bumped to the crown court. I have only told one family member but now I need to tell them all as it is crunch time and I think they need to be prepared. I have been shielding my elderly parents as much as I can because my mother is a carer for my father. I am at a loss as to how to proceed so will probably get my brother involved first as he has some experience with mental issues after being suicidal himself at one point and battling with cancer. I hope he can provide support and a way to break it to the other family members with me.

I am stuggling and there seems to be nobody who can offer me any help on the health side of things. I cannot even see my GP due to the pandemic and there is no chance of seeing a therapist/counselor without paying (I'm on minimum income). I'm having dark thoughts about sticking around. The trouble is if I go to prison I doubt I will be able to cope considering my mental and physical health and it will be much harder to end my suffering. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. I just want the pain to end! I wish I could be sectioned instead as at least I would be treated for my mental health (maybe).

Wiahing you the best

@Lonelywanderer

Do you have a legal representative that you've told these things? I'm not sure how they would respond if you said you're suicidal, but you may be able to get some mental health support ordered by the court. You mental health could also be an element in your defense.

I have a solicitor and will be talking to them about this. Hopefully they can assist in some way. The probation officer advised for a community service or curfew sentence but the prosecution pushed for a tougher sentence and it was pushed from the magistrates court to the crown court which can impose tougher sentences.

Sorry that prosecution is being so harsh

@Strange12 How are things with you? We are here for you.

I wish I had an answer. I am in a similar but not as extreme situation. My anxiety, panic disorder and accompanying depression as well as a skin disorder and other physical ailments makes me wonder if I will survive in prison. I don't wish to suffer more. But being there means I will have less chance of doing you know what. I don't have long now until I am in court. It's a gamble to wait for the result of whether it goes my way or not or if I should I exit now. I feel stuck in fear and depression.

Welcome to the forum. Sad to hear the news of what is facing you, but hopefully things will not be as bad as can happen and that you can go from there. It is a gamble, but with luck you will get a bit of a break.

I think they may handle things differently if you're at risk for a suicide attempt, but I don't know very much about how the UK legal system works.

As many have said, it's hard to know what to say without knowing the specifics of the case. But I can identify with your dilemma albet to a much lesser degree. In my case it could be around six months; nothing like your own situation but still fills me with anguish. I'm old and frail too, 66 and struggle to stand never mind walk. I'll be a sitting duck for bullies.

But don't commit suicide. There are so many diferent possible outcomes before you even get considered for jail. In my case it's unlikely but somehow the one plus when I'm finally banged up is that I have no sense of dignity left to lose.

Yes try and make a friend or friend, others will no doubt share your feelings about their new environment so you won't be alone.

I've already said in another thread that my tax credits mess over the years mean I will certainly lose my liberty. You might disregard the comparison but we have a sense of fear in common.

There's one great thing that's all come out of this for me. On this board are the nicest most compassionate people you could ever wish to meet. I don't know if you'll be allowed to use the internet but if you are then don't leave us, we're all with you.