Practical Advice What happens if i tell...

...to my T or my autism T or at the hospital or at the mental health center... about my sui plan?

i mean, seriously.

i know what happens technically: i am stopped, they put me IP for a while, they give me meds, we talk about it.

everybody's happy except me. with the only consolation that i havent hurt them. and then?

what happens to me then?

what will i feel? or think? or do?

i dont know, please, help me with options... what might happen to me? i cant think about it but i want to give it a try at least virtually. PLEASE HELP ME.

Telling someone would probably be ok, as long as you could tolerate being hospitalized, and the hospital was decent. Telling someone doesn't automatically mean that you'll be hospitalized, but there's some risk of that.
If you've been hospitalized previously, you probably know what to expect. It might not be fun to be hospitalized, but at least you'll be safe.

Not telling anyone when you're feeling suicidal puts you at risk for an attempt. If you know you can prevent yourself from making an attempt, you could try an intensive outpatient therapy program, a change of meds, or a treatment method that you haven't tried yet.

If you're not sure if you'll make an attempt or not, the safest thing to do is to go to the hospital.

Thank you May71.

i was going not to tell exactly to be free of doing it.

i guess what im wondering here is, will i ever change my mind and want to live? its a 15yrs battle and im tired of it.

plus, put it all together, NOW (these days) is the best moment ever to take action...

There are people who have been in the same situation who have changed their minds. It usually requires finding a good treatment method, but it's certainly happened before.

So will you change your mind? It's possible, but not guaranteed.

Why now?

There's always time to make a suicide attempt later, if that's what you decide to do. Attempts typically don't succeed though, and often make things worse.

The only good solution is to leave no stone unturned among reasonable treatment options.

Telling us might be enough for now?
How does it feel when you write it here, when people respond & your mind reflects on the emotion?

I can guess that talking about it irl would generate stronger & maybe uncomfortable emotions for you, since it exposes you to other's input right away.

Is there anything else going on or is the autism the only issue? Sometimes our worries get all tangled up with each other (at least mine do).

I see my T today and autism T on thursday. Im on the edge

The fact that you are asking if you should tell your T says to me you want to tell them and somewhere deep inside there is a part of you that doesn’t want to commit suicide. It may be small but it is there.
Telling doesn’t mean you will be hospitalised but it will tell them that you need urgent help.
Although you say now is the right time, it is something you can do at any time. There is never a right time for something like this, not really.
If it helps, I have told everyone in my mental health team and have never been hospitalised but I have had some helpful support.

Im afraid of feeling guilty, thats what gives me a small push to tell T.
Im not afraid of being hospitalized, im afraid of regretting being alive.

Also, there is a specific reason why NOW. the longer i wait the more it is possible that things get worse (parents/cat falling ill/dying, T retiring). And i want to avoid that at any cost... Best way is by dying myself first. So the sooner the better.

Make sure you tell them how you're feeling, and ask for support. Try and be as honest as you can. There may be difficult obstacles in your future, but I'm sure you can tackle them. Try and remember the good in your future, not the bad.

Keep yourself safe. I hope you can feel better soon.

@dyning_inside…I’m sorry you are feeling so distressed right now.

Sounds like you have perhaps been in hospital before. You know the drill for that. Getting better after…that involves how much hope and how much faith we put in doing the work in treatment after. Meds will only do so much. Listening to and following the coping skills a few times means we’ve “completed” the programs — unfortunately, it doesn’t mean we’ve integrated those skills into our daily, ongoing life. That takes using the coping skills every time we actually need to. EVERY TIME. Not just enough to complete the program. And not sometimes if we feel a little off. But every time we feel really overwhelmed, upset, stuck in ruminations or the past, understanding and working on accepting that we feel upset and there are things we can do to move out of upset so we can begin to set goals to change what is making us unhappy. If the situation cannot be changed, there are skills that encourage us to accept the worst and then improve other things in life to make life better…

It’s a lot of work. And we can miss the mark for years and feel that we have done everything, and then one more time, and it all falls into place. It is not time to give up hope. I would say it’s another chance to refresh the skills and hone them so the rest of your life is better.

I sense that losing important relationships might be part of what’s on your mind (parents, T., cat). That is something that concerns many people and if you were to raise it in therapy as an issue, perhaps it would help.

Give yourself the chance to find a comfortable life. It is doable. You have loads of support here as you work through things.

Fear of your parents or pets becoming unwell and dying is real, but it is something that everyone has to face and you cannot control it. That in itself is massively anxiety provoking and I fear exactly the same thing, I think most people do. Perhaps look at it another way, do your parents fear you dying? By killing your self are you not just passing on that pain to someone else. Death is difficult but there is an order in which we should pass. Children should outlive their parents, if it is the other way around it is much harder for the parents who are left. Their lives are turned upside down and likely will never be able to come to terms with it. I’ve seen families breakup and parents divorce after the suicide of a child. As for losing your cat, enjoy and acknowledge the time you have with him/her. I have a cat and will be devastated when I lose her but I also know it is the order of things and I know she has had the best life I could possibly give her.
Talk to your T. The fear of losing people is real and I fully understand and empathise with the feeling and anxiety, but dying so you don’t have to be there to see them go is not the answer.

Ok, so i told T. not how serous i am and not that i have a plan but i told him and he did nothing. so now i wont feel guilty anymore. he knows it might happen... thats enough for me to feel FREE.

Well done for telling them. Did they not ask if you have a plan or a time? That is their usual first response. It is their responsibility to assess the level of risk, the likelihood of you doing going through with it. I usually get the ‘can you assure me that you can keep yourself safe?’ question at the end.
I am pleased you feel free and easier in your mind but please think carefully before you act. You cannot begin to imagine the ramifications your suicide will have on so many people, how their lives will be changed and how they will never be able to get over your death. It is not something anyone will forget and they will carry it with them for the rest of their lives.

He didnt ask. He knows me and knows i have attempted before. i guess he didnt think im in immediate danger. He expects me to turn to the mental health center or the hospital. i guess he doesnt know i wont. but if for him that is enough, that is enough for me too. Now i cant say i will totally betray him, i will have just made a choice: not to turn to other resources. he was warned, so it wont be a total surprise. that is enough for me. i even told him i may not come in next session. he said he will be there...

at this point i cannot not take action. i have thought about it for years and months and weeks and days, getting there deeper and deeper as time passed by...
i do know it will hurt some, but i cant live my life not to hurt others while its costing me SO much.
others do have other reasons to live, i do not.
its also time for me to free them from this sword of Damocles... everyone close to me has the fear i will do it. once i'll have done it, they will be free of this worry. and free from me.

I’m sorry you still feel this way. I believe there is a pathway through and that you can find a place for you.

Those things you fear are not hours or days away. You still have time to try some treatment methods or otherwise explore any viable alternatives for you.

I think it would be much better to wait and think things over rather than do anything rash.

Mental health professionals are really only going to intervene if you say you've got a plan or that you've gathered methods. It's not fair to not give T the whole story, and then put the responsibility for keeping you safe on him.

I'm sorry that you've suffered so much for so long.

Why not just leave no stone unturned for treatment options first? If you really try everything, maybe something will work. If nothing works, then at least you can say you tried everything.

Hugs

I really hope you’re still here with us. I can hear the pain in what you’re posting, so much, and I know that’s extremely hard to endure. I really hope you’re finding your reason no matter how small to get through, because i think you and your life still really matter, for what it’s worth. And I think it says a lot about your strength and courage that you’re here and reaching out.

May71,

YES, they might be hours or days away. My dad has a rare illness that is getting worse, he could die in his sleep anytime. im pressured to do it asap. not to mention that an accident or a fatal sudden heart attack might happen to any of these persons anytime.

and yes maybe it was unfair of me not to tell T everything, but i didnt want to risk being stopped. i only wanted for him not to be a complete surprise. i said im ready so i guess it means something.

and... i feel i HAVE tried everything.

im too tired, no will to live at all. im done. ive had enough. i hate everything of my life, from the moment i open my eyes to the moment i close them when i go to sleep. im an automa now. im really sick of everything.

even seeing parents and cat and T is becoming more sufferance tahn than joy.

whats left now?

I am so sorry your dad is so unwell. That must be so hard. Your family is dealing with a lot of pain and worry at the moment. Do you think that leaving your mum at this time when she may also lose her husband will be helpful for her? Do you believe that your suicide will make their lives easier, better? Do you have any brothers or sisters? Will your mum be left on her own? Will your mum be ok if she is left on her own?