Practical Advice How do I get help for something like this?

I'm an autistic psychopath who was clinically diagnosed during a criminal case. I have antisocial tendencies but I'm mostly asocial. I am attracted to children, but I don't harm them. My empathy is extremely inhibited or nonexistent. One example would be when a friend at a hospital I was staying at cried into my arms, but I did not cry or feel any emotions except maybe confusion when he hugged me. It's hard for me to connect or relate with others. I can only feel sorry for myself. I don't have emotions for other people. I'm extremely shallow. I have severe anger problems, but I do a good job at hiding it and bottling those emotions. I'm a bit passive aggressive. If there's somebody I hate enough to kill I simply write notebooks about my murder fantasies, but never go beyond there. Not because I would feel guilt, but because I would go to jail. When I was a teenager, I would shoplift entire heists without anyone noticing inside the store. I would take entire cartons of cigarettes, along with vapes and packs and leave with them, along with a whole bunch of other stuff. I was in my teens back then. That was in the days when I vandalized my school and the local church. And that was when I engaged in all kinds of risky behavior. In other words, I'm not the type of person who gets killed by police, I'm the type of calculating methodical motherfucker that will kill the police. Symptoms for psychopathy are superficial charm, pathological lying, grandiosity, manipulative, callousness, lack of remorse, shallow affect, irresponsibility, impulsivity, need for stimulation, lack of realistic goals, parasitic lifestyle, early behavioral problems, poor behavioral control and juvenile delinquency and the only one I don't have is pathological lying. I just get cracked up when I try lying in someone's face. I was terribly abused as a kid and became a bully myself and beat the shit out of other kids and my cousin. I can't live without drugs or sex. I guess you can say I don't know what love is. I really don't. My upbringing was so terrible that by now if someone were to hug me, I would get scared and embarrassed and try to speed it up. Doesn't matter what it's for.

I know my thoughts and feelings are wrong deep down and not normal. I am severely emotionally disturbed. I want help. I want to get castrated so I won't have these feelings of aggression or cravings for sex. And I want to convert to Catholicism. I was raised by a pack of wolves as a kid with two narcissistic sociopaths as parents (my mom can lieto you with a straught face, and all she ever did was use me and abuse me). That's where I got it from, especially as I have a family history of alcoholism and domestic violence.

Btw, sociopathy = ASPD. There's only 7 diagnostic criteria for ASPD/Sociopathy whereas with psychopathy there's 4 different levels and I can relate on every single one. Psychopathy is a spectrum disorder that is graded by a PCL-R.

Hey there
Im not too much of an expert, but i think that the first step is recognising you have these serious issues and a willingness to change which you have demonstrated
I would suggest doing lots of research online, as well as visiting a GP who will likely refer you to the right specialists who can help you out.

@Strange12 — when you were diagnosed during a criminal case, did the doctor suggest any sort of therapy/treatment for you? I’m kind of surprised that you received that diagnosis without any sort of plan/suggestion for follow up care. Or perhaps you received that care? If you did, can you continue to get that care?

@iloverachel makes a good suggestion to start with your GP/family doctor so you can be referred to the right specialist.

Sorry that you have gone and are going through so much.

I agree with the advice about checking with a doctor about this. Aggression and craving sex are often associated with high testosterone levels, so in principle there might be a medication that would address that.

I personally think that acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine are better at treating most chronic conditions, so you might want to check into that. The link below has more information.

Chinese Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture, World's Second Largest Medical System

Current one. My trial is not over yet.