Practical Advice I think I made my girlfriend hate me...

I tell her to not be upset openly because it stresses me out but sometimes she never listens

I lost my temper and snapped the remote in half. I bought a new one off Amazon and she said it wasn't a big deal and that it wasn't a big deal but she still acted cold around me. I didn't even have time to age regress and she made no effort to comfort me after me having a stressful moment.

I can't speak like i know you two particularly closely, but i have to say, reading this, i can empathise with your girlfriend here. It sounds like there's an imbalance of expectation between the two of you. You seem to feel like you can express your feelings, even in destructive ways, and she should show understanding and support towards you, but there's no expectation you should have to do the same in turn. In fact, it sounds like what you're saying to her is that she should be suppressing her own feelings around you, because her openly expressing them is too stressful for you. The way you said that she "doesn't listen to you" when you tell her to stop being emotional, makes it sound like you aren't even considering how hard it is on her to stifle her own emotions, while simultaneously being supportive and patient with yours.

It sounds like a really uneven situation that could foster a lot of resentment, i know i certainly would resent whoever came to expect this all of me. If this is representative of your entire relationship, i can really see how she got to this point. I'm not saying any of this to kick you when you're down, but to highlight that you're asking how to fix it without breaking up with her (even if i find your reason to want to stay together...troubling), and if it were me in her place, the thing i would want is for you to express that her feelings do matter to you, and that she shouldn't have to bottle them up for your sake. To make an effort to show her the same sort of kindness you expect her to show you. A relationship can't work with such an uneven distribution of emotional openness and empathy, so one way or another, that has to change, and you both bottling up your feelings is not a healthy direction to go in. I wish you both the best with finding a happier life, whatever that means for you.

I read it attentively and think that your relationship is either cooling down or becoming slowly toxic. You drift apart. I would buy some nice flowers, invite her to eat and openly speak. Not making any bad comments, just telling how you feel. But that's just me. Good luck anyway.

It's less due to me intentionally being unfair and moreso related to the fact that I can't emotionally help with things. I've been exhausted with being the helper due to the fact that I was the butler of my parents basically.

You don't necessarily have to be her helper, or her butler. I think that's a mistake a lot of people make, they think that it's on them to "fix" the bad moods of people they care about. But people don't really work like that. In truth, i think all people need most of the time is someone there to listen and show they understand, that they care about us. The way i've made the best difference in other people's lives is by simply being there for them to work through their feelings with. They seemed to think i did something really special, but in reality all i did was listen and accept, they're the ones who made things better for themselves.

So i'm not saying "be there to fix things for your girlfriend like you had to with your parents." I'm just saying it would be worth being more open to her feelings, and accepting that sharing in those hard feelings is a part of being a couple. She just needs you to be there for her.

Her negative emotions stress me out though

Yeah, it is stressful taking on other people's feelings like that. But that's part of being in a relationship. You share in each other's victories and heartbreaks. It makes you their cheerleader and their shoulder to cry on. If you aren't ready for that, you aren't ready to be with someone romantically imho.

And again, you seem to feel she should be there for you, to the extent that you feel her failing to do so is noteworthy. Which means you obviously see the value in what she was normally providing you with until recently. Why shouldn't you have to do the same for her?

Because she's the mother figure of our MDLG relationship. I can't handle things emotionally. A mother should. It's not a double standard, it's just something I lack.

That came out meaner than i meant it to. I just don't see a point to arguing this any more, because the way i see it, i've shown you the answer, but you just don't want it to be the answer. You said you wanted to mark this thread "practical advice" and "empathy only", but there's a reason you can't do both, they're mutually exclusive. Either people can listen and give empty platitudes, or they can present actual solutions, but those solutions are almost inevitably going to require doing the hard, right thing, because that's what it takes to dramatically improve things.

No matter what dynamic you seek out, there are going to be certain requirements and expectations, because you can't get away from the fact that you are ultimately two adults in an adult relationship. In a way she's your mother, and you're her daughter, but you're also still both each other's girlfriend, and that means something. This mother-daughter dynamic you have gives you some leeway, but if you can't be there for her at all, there's no way she can be there for you whenever you need her without that taking some kind of emotional toll. It's inevitably gonna feel unfair on her, and she's not gonna be able to get away from that.

You're acknowledging that things need to change. But you can't expect that to happen if you're unwilling to do things differently. Either she matters to you enough to want to do the work required to salvage things with her, or she doesn't, and that's your answer. That's how it is, and if she matters to you, i'd seriously recommend making the effort to be different, cos the way things are right now obviously isn't working.

But i'm not gonna keep trying to convince you, eventually i need to concede that maybe you just don't want to face reality, and there's nothing i or anyone can do about that. So if that's the case, you're looking for the empty platitudes, and just want "empathy only" in future, because that's not "practical advice."

Usually in smaller arguments and "stuff" ive found that its best to just maybe let a bit time pass and then suck it up and go talk to them. Id say say something like "Im sorry, i lost my temper and acted badly. I will try to reflect and improve. My mind got the better of me and i did wrong, is there something i can do to make it up". Put it behind you and dont let these things linger!

Whatever you do, dont escalate and dont shift the blame. Im not sure if i understood the situation correctly and im sure you already know this, but if you said what you said during an argument, it is a BIG BIG no.

First I will emphasise with you, it’s built into men through evolution and culture that when we hear a problem we automatically assume we are meant to solve it. It’s very frustrating for us when we either can’t solve it or even worse when we can solve it but the sharer doesn’t want to receive advice. I have struggled with it a lot.

Now the advice, you have to use your conscious mind to overcome your innate instincts and learn to listen, empathise and only try and solve when asked. You can do this, to start with show caution and after you listen ask if they want you to offer advice or just empathy, after a while you will get better at judging and be able to tell without asking.

I think your issue is intrinsically linked to your "age regression" and mother/child relationship, and no one on this forum will relate to that. What I've read in this thread is extremely helpful and true for every relationship, but perhaps you need to find someone who has framed it in that kind of relationship and was successful.

I personally can hardly imagine a healthy version of that (for both people) unless it's rather superficial (like a game), but in reality, you are both equal adults who support each other. To be clear, I am not against anything that people consent to, but it is very hard to understand and give advice about - you are the first person I "met" in such a dynamic.

Do you have the ability to ask about this to people in the same kind of relationship that works?