Practical Advice How do I punish my sister/god daughter for not respecting me anymore?

I used to be very close with my younger sister, I was the one who baptized her, we got along so well. However in recent times she's been noticeably hurtful and frankly has stopped caring about what I do for her and is refusing to listen to me. Because my mother is a shitty Zoom therapist and my dad goes to work when not home, I have to be the one to wait for her to be dropped off from school. During this time there is a schedule of relaxing for 30 minutes, homework, then some online schooling for 30 minutes (15 minutes for Math and 15 minutes for Reading). During this time she has attempted to lie multiple times to get out of work, once she said she "didn't have online schooling", so I took her word for it and left early, however when my dad got home and asked her about it, she changed her statement to "I think I don't have online schooling." She did, she lied to get out of doing it and in doing so, nearly threw me under the bus. Had I not been there for unrelated reasons to say "She told me she didn't have any online schooling.", I would've gotten in trouble. The second time is when she claimed she had a break between normal homework and online school, she lied to me about it and I told her "so if I text mom will she say yes?" And initially set the timer for it. Seconds after this I received a text back saying that no, she does not have a break in between. Even when she isn't lying, she keeps getting intentionally distracted to do random things like getting a drink, putting something up, or just overall not paying attention. Me having to put her back on track gets so frequent that I am put on the brink of yelling at her. My mom says she thinks my sister has ADHD and tells me to "not tell her" but for that reason of keeping this a secret from her is why I don't believe she does and she's just being disrespectful. On multiple occasions she keeps bullying me over the fact that I don't want to go to college, something my mom told her and the reason being beyond her understanding. (College is a scam, I nearly committed suicide from people being mean to me in college, no one is going to college anymore in the modern day). Not to mention the overall disrespect I'm getting from my sister randomly. I genuinely don't care if she's 9, I've tried my best to be there for her and help her but she's been treating me poorly for awhile. I'm not willing to hear the "she's just a kid" card from anyone as I don't think it's valid anymore in modern times. Since giving my heart to her doesn't work in getting her to care about me like she used to, I've been thinking of outright disciplining her for not respecting me. The only reason I haven't punched her is because she's 9 and doing so might kill her. If she's still acting like this by 13 then I'll 100% do that, but until then, I need a way to punish her for how she treats me as everything she's been doing has been very hurtful. Part of me was thinking of getting rid of my god parent status as a sign to her that I'm starting to not love her anymore for how she treats me, but if she doesn't care about my feelings now, I feel like she won't care and my parents just might find a new person to be her god parent. So honestly I'm at a loss, so I ask here. I won't be accepting "no" for an answer and right now, the default for her bringing up college again is going to be < mod edit - violence to a child >. I don't want to be pushed around anymore, I want the sister I had back when she still cared, not the one who doesn't care about me, and I'm gonna do anything to get her back.

Well, i think the first thing i'll say is that slapping her isn't a great method to choose if you want to get her to express more patience and understanding towards you. Children mirror behaviour that we model for them, so if you respond to things she does you dislike with violence, she'll be more likely to respond with violence in kind, both to you and others. And given the power differential between the two of you, she'll likely skip slapping you and jump to much more aggressive behaviour. Which is a perfect way to create a perpetual loop of escalating violent behaviour until you're just beating the shit out of each other.

Personally, while i'm not saying this is a universal solution to parenting, i always found one of the most effective tools for disciplining children isn't actions rooted in anger, because anger they can argue back about. No, the thing that often gets to them is disappointment. If a role model expresses to a child that they're disappointed in their actions, with the implicit (but not openly stated) undertone that they think less of that child for their behaviour, that often gets under the kid's skin in a way that no amount of verbal or physical abuse ever can.

It's my pet theory that every person is driven in no small part by the impulse to feel seen. And in my theory, kids are that impulse made manifest, but with no basis for how to go about achieving that. So they model whatever behaviour gets presented or otherwise occurs to them, good or bad, to try and find the best ways of achieving that goal. They crave attention, they crave affection, and they crave approval, and they're willing to do whatever they think will get them those things. Which is why they throw tantrums over nothing, and try to act like the grownups around them, and imitate many of the most toxic behaviours from the people they see growing up.

And it sounds like your parents have modelled some pretty toxic behaviours for your sister, that she's now starting to mimic, because in her eyes, that's how she wins their affection, and maybe yours too. If you want to "punish" her, or correct her behaviours, my suggestion, based on my entire zero experience as an actual parent (so take it with a grain of salt), and fixation instead on how we develop as people, would be that you're on the right track with the idea of dropping her as your godchild. But that's a very final, major decision, that it sounds like you don't really want to go through with, since that's giving up entirely on rekindling the dynamic you want.

So instead, i'd suggest having a conversation with her, about how the things she says hurts your feelings, and how hard you find the idea of continuing to be her godparent when she keeps punishing you for caring like this. To tell her that you don't think you can keep putting up with it much longer. Show her that she can't just treat you like this and expect you to keep caring forever, show her that these actions are hurtful and cruel, and give her reason to question if maybe this is a decision that's going to wind around and bite her on the arse if she keeps going with it. Make it her choice to decide what happens next. And who knows, by modelling that some role models think it's good to express how they feel, she may feel driven to talk to you about why she feels like she needs to make fun of you this way. In reality it sounds like two kids surviving an abusive environment, and feeling driven to take their struggles with that out on each other, and maybe being able to talk to her big sister about that would help her return to being the sister you want her to be again.

She clearly doesn't care about me so I'm at the point to where if she's not gonna unconditionally love me like before, why should I care what happens to her. I wouldn't be saying this if there wasn't another way. Most people can be controlled with a clenched fist.
I'm not saying you're wrong, I get what you mean and it's probably true, but given how she treats me, I'm not a role model to her anymore, and even if I do tell my parents, they'll probably tell me to suck it up or "stop arguing with the child" or something.
Yeah... I won't deny that my parents are setting a bad example for my sister. Off the top of my head they
-Gifted her a manga with inappropriate content simply because the cover had a dog on it.
-Allowed her to watch The Amazing Digital Circus (good show but not suitable for a 9 year old, with me even telling her it's inappropriate.)
-My mom showing her things on her phone in the middle of the theater while Moana 2 was playing.
Considering how openly my sister loves my parents despite the fact that I actually care about her and they clearly don't, I fear she might be too far gone.
Honestly I don't want the opinion of a parent, since most parents nowadays engage in such inaction and raise tablet children.
You're partially right, in fact if I ever do that, I might try to find someone to replace her as my sister, in the same way that the relationship with my girlfriend replaces my horrible mother. I want her to either treat me right or never interact with me again. Plus I'm pretty sure my parents will harass me over it.
She'll never listen, she can't pay attention for shit and she'll probably laugh at what I say or just disregard it entirely. I'm sure that'll work for some younger siblings but it won't work for her.

I disagree with this statement. As a kid, that was my answer, to try and get the bullying, and the mind games, and the SAs to stop. And in my experience, it only ever made people double down on their decision that i was the problem, and they were right to treat me like garbage. It's an infuriating conundrum when the clenched fist is a response to people who feel they should be allowed to do whatever they want to you, but as i say, it seems to me like that conundrum is the state of the world.

How much of that is her own feelings about you though, and how much is her imitating the way your parents treat you? To her, this idea that you mistreat the people who are supposed to be your family has been normalised, and she thinks this is just the thing you do. Maybe she's currently taking what her parents say about you at face value, because she's at an age where that's what kids often do, but with time, and exposure to other ways of thinking, she has the potential to realise how awful your parents' attitude is, the same as you did. And then instead of being the black sheep of the family, you'd be the one that was better than your parents. You'd be the light shining the way to her being better too.

I think this statement also says a lot about how this situation works. Your sister loves your parents, which means she looks up to them, and they're showing that winning their approval means being as nasty and cruel as they are. As i was saying, she's craving attention, affection and approval, and she can get all 3 at once by treating you like that. She doesn't get them all from you by doing it, but she gets all 3 from your parents, and attention from you. This just reinforces further to me that this behaviour is a product of an abusive dynamic, not so much who she truly is, or at least, who she truly has to be.

Especially since i survived my own abusive dynamic, and i watched myself and one of my abuser's other victims, who i considered a close friend, repeatedly tear into each other or assist in further abuse, in order to get and maintain his approval. At the time, it somehow made sense, like it was right somehow, because that's an idea our abuser drilled into our heads. And for a child, who's never known anything else, whose abusers have the power of being her parents, that's going to be especially the case.

This one i have to fully concede. At the end of the day, what i'm arguing isn't some guaranteed solution. I wish it could be, but i know it isn't. Some kids are just brick walls of defence mechanisms and personal issues. You can do everything right forever, and still never get through to them. I'm not denying it's a possibility your sister could be one of those kids. But what i'm proposing strikes me as the most realistic possibility to get the thing you want, to have your sister back, by trying to reinforce consistently to her that you're a person doing your best, that you care about her but you're hurt by her actions, and there may come a time you can't do it any more. Doesn't it seem worth it to at least try before giving up on her or resorting to beating her?

I'm sorry those things happened to you. In times like those, < mod edit - volent methods >, I'm thankfully not at that point but if I was in your situation, I definitely would've taken one of those people's lives.
To me all that tells me is that she's too far gone. She's a mindless drone and a picket sign of my parents and nothing more. No amount of "getting through" will fix her. I've learned that the hard way with my dad as I was hoping to get him to
1. Leave my mom
2. < mod edit - graphic violence > I unfortunately was never able to do that, but it taught me to not assume people would change without < mod edit - violence >. I'm of the belief that if I was ever successful in my "tantrums" < mod edit - graphic violence > then I would be way better off and they'll bend to my will and not treat me like shit.
I'm sorry that happened to you and you may be a victim, but if you also perpetuated what you did to someone else, wouldn't you say that being beat up or taken out of this world by said person might be deserved since you did hurt them as well? I'm not saying I want that, I don't but you do understand that you became a drone for that person, even if for a brief time.
I'll try it in the moment, if it doesn't work, I'll < mod edit - violence > her on the spot.

Simply doesn't work to hit people, believe me: I grew up with my older siblings hitting me. Generally and logically speaking, one catches more flies with honey than vinegar.

Honey kills flies, but only fire can kill wasps.

Yeah, true. My older sister was sweet like honey and she nearly literally choked me to death by stuffing a rag down my throat. I don't know why she hated me just for existing, but she did.

I'm probably missing something but how is one sweet and an attempted murderer at the same time?

One of those who the grown ups thought of as a perfect people but who are actually 2-faced sociopaths

What ever happened to her?

Oh, believe me, i got tempted back then. But i'm also glad i didn't do that, because it would've only confirmed to them and society at large that i was the monster they claimed i was, no consideration for the fact they'd made me into that monster. Instead, i went on to become somebody those people wouldn't even recognise. I think they'd genuinely be shocked to see the kind of person i am now, the way people who know me talk about me, because it shows i always had a good person inside of me, they just refused to see that. As Die Antwoord once put it, "may my enemies live long so they can see me progress." And to me, that's a far better revenge than any amount of physical harm i ever could have inflicted.

I don't think i would say that. I've come to acknowledge the harm i did, and i do have my regrets about my actions, but i've also been learning that there's a distinction between acknowledging the harm, and blaming myself for it. I'm no more responsible for that harm than i was any of the other aspects of his abusive behaviour i fell for, and it's the same for the other person. The one to blame is the abuser. Yes, we both fell into the trap of being controlled by that abuser, but it's because we both had extremely low self-esteem at the time, and he knew how to weaponise it to control us. Beating each other up or killing each other over it, especially at this point wouldn't be healing, it wouldn't make things better. What has is the occasional experience where we've caught up with each other and talked about how we regret the people we were under his thumb, how we wish we'd been better friends to each other. That was far nicer.

It's the same with your sister. What she's doing is hurtful, and she may come to regret it some day, but if your parents are manipulating her into attacking you for them, that's not necessarily her fault so much as it's the fault of the abuse your parents are inflicting. They made their approval hinge on inflicting pain to you, she didn't choose that. What i'm hearing in your post is that you wish there was some way to take this in a healing direction, and it's hard to pursue that healing through violence or cutting people off entirely. If the latter is something you have to do for the sake of your wellbeing, i totally respect that, but you then have to be certain that it's truly impossible or at least seriously not worth it to try and salvage what you truly want with your sister, and to do that you have to give it the best chance possible.

I respect that you're open to giving it a try, so i'll take that as a success.

People who dislike you or hurt you should be forgiven. Don't become one of them by returning the hurt. That is the best course of action.

I mean sure they're upset at your success but what about their successes? They don't deserve those if they hurt you badly. Not to mention the kind of abusers who don't realize their abuse is abuse and consider it a "different" form of love (since you mentioned SA). If they """love""" you, they won't be hurt by your successes, if anything they'll be happy and more inclined to "reward" you for your efforts (AKA, more abuse). Don't they deserve to be either sent straight to hell or be financially/physically stunted for all eternity to never achieve their own successes? Plus you're in a European nation, meaning the risk of getting arrested is nonexistent, the police are a joke there and don't even carry guns. Unlike the US, if you just keep running, they'll never catch you, not to mention other countries are just within walking distance so it's easy to skip town until the statue of limitations end.
Yeah but you would agree that if they ever got back at you, you'd deserve it for what you did to them? Lethal revenge or otherwise.
It's not a success until it actually works.
Why should those who hurt me intentionally deserve happiness?

I mean, i can't pretend like i wouldn't likely put up a fight at this point, cos i actually have things to live for now. But yeah, i admit, if they did decide to take revenge for the things i did, i likely wouldn't begrudge them it if they succeeded. I did fail as their friend, and if they needed my death or just for me to get hurt to gain closure, then i'd understand.

Exactly. Though honestly I forgot the point I was originally making. I'm expected to watch for my sister today as my parents are too busy pretending to have careers for their pathetic lives. Wish me luck I guess.

I haven't been told off about college or anything but I overheard this during homework:
Mom: Did you remember to pray for your family at church (Catholic School)
Sister: Nope.
I guess everyone in this house means fuck all to her.

Overheard my mom asking my sister about lunch in terms of Uber Eats via the Ring camera, she had to step away to attend to the dog getting out so I texted her... and she gave me attitude over having a job and "just buy your own". Yeah I hate it here. The attitude was not needed. I'm starting to hate my sister.

That is admittedly a bit rich, considering. But i'm sure she's already buying all her own meals, right?

My problem wasn't that I wasn't getting anything, my problem was my mom's attitude and the fact that she prioritized my sister over me. She eventually got me stuff but only after giving me a snarky comment about "independence". And it turns out she had an attitude because my dad and her "aren't speaking right now". Meaning I was punished for something I didn't do. Plus I mentioned situations like this in the petty complaints forum