I dont want to... but I need to... *trigger?*

I dont want to kill myself, just so I dont kill my child inside of me...
But god do I ever need to just die. I feel like theres no way out of anything and nothing seems to matter. The only reason I havent killed myself now... is because of the baby inside of me... But I want to kill myself so much right now...
I feel horrible even saying this, but honestly Im lost... I can't do this anymore. I dont think I will wake up tomorrow... but im shaking and Im scared... I can't die...
I wish there was another way out... but for 13 years of my life I've felt like this... theres no end in sight... I can't go on...
BUT I HAVE TO...
I'm really scared guys... what if I do it? What if I kill myself? I don't want to... not because I want to live, but because I can't take my child with me... I CANT!
But I might have to... I CANT DO THIS... But I could...
Im sorry... I shouldnt be saying this...
*:badday:*

Melinda
It is going to be fine. I was like this tonight too. I am like you and just want to die. But we have to seek hope for the future. you have to continue on for your baby. it will pay off in the end.

You must live , especially for your child. You carry the most precious thing in the world inside you, along with your already precious life. You have to live for yourself, if not then him or her.

Hey!

When I read your post what really stood out to me was the number of times that you flipped between describing how badly you want to die and how badly you want to live for your baby. It's really common to feel so torn and confused about your thoughts of suicide. In fact, it's a good thing that you feel so conflicted because that means that there is still a big part of you that is holding onto and fighting for life!! Obviously your baby is a big motivation to stay alive, what else makes you want to be here? What gets you through each day?

I hear that you are really upset and emotional right now. Is there anything that you do to take care of yourself and relax that you could try right now? Maybe you need to take some time for yourself to calm down those racing thoughts.

I also wanted to say that since you are in Edmonton, I know that there is a really good crisis line in that city. If it's something you're open to you could give it a try if you haven't already. The number is 780-482-4357.

Take care of yourself!!

Mel PLEASE don't do it I know you're in such a tough place and the darkest hole you could ever be,I know life hasn't treated you well by all mean's but maybe the gift of a little baby can somehow shed some light into your life.I'm alway's here for you,seriously you can talk to me anytime just tell me what you want me to do.

Hey... I'm feeling okay I suppose...
Im still here. I doubt it will be for much longer...
Don't worry about me... I don't care about myself... and I don't want to live.
Thanks for the replies though...

Mel you know what amazes me?your brilliant sense to keep going because so many would've lost it by now,but you haven't you certainly haven't.You're hurting so bad but still look at you just look at what you've proved,you've shown people that you're such a warrior and that you have class beyond all means.and you know what else?you're going to come good you know why?because I'll reassure you of that believe me so you'll see.
Yes I've been in that pain for so long and I'm still hanging on,why don't you talk to me about thing's I understand believe me and won't judge you.