Empathy and Advice Welcomed How do I handle this?

Hey. Honestly I can't say I relate to any sort of serious relationships like this but I know exactly what this kind of betrayal feels like and it hurts like hell. I know this probably isn't what you wanna hear but I have empathy for you. I get I'm not really a super helpful person but I wanna say I understand you. I just hope you get better soon. And I know that's much easier said than done but please try to think of something else. Do something you find fun or that you know can help distract you. And if there's nothing you can think of, just wait a little more. There'll probably a comment by someone way more useful than me in a bit. But for now, please stay safe. Sending love and hugs (if you want any)!

Thank you, it means a lot to know I have someone. I finally discussed things with my parents last night, and they weren't amazingly helpful, but I guess it's just 2 more people that know. I've been trying to stay busy, and I've rebuilt my entire car into a track car, but I've gotten really sick over the past few days from not sleeping. Even tho I have meds for sleeping, I am unable to, so not being able to be active has been really making it almost unbearable. But I appreciate you being there as well.

My girlfriend of a year and a half has recently left me. I noticed her growing further from me and then she got upset when I tried to talk to her about it and wouldn't answer my calls or texts. The next day, she came to me while I working and gave me a letter saying she was leaving me and I should find someone better. I told her I didn't want "someone" better but she didn't care. After a few days, she told me she left cause her parents were putting pressure on her to leave me, but then a week or so later, she said she left cause she didn't want to "be needed by me" anymore. This has been the most crushing experience of my life. She is my first girlfriend. I have never felt emotional towards anyone until her. I hate physical touch from anyone, but hers comforted me. No one shares my interests, or cares about my hobbies, but she would always listen and participate. I barely have any friends due to quite a few of them leaving me to do their own thing in life, and I work alone. I live in a small town and we don't have social events. So she was my best friend. She let me sleep in her lap, she comforted me, she said she loved me and would always be there for me. She helped me when I had nightmares at night. I never told anyone about my nightmares but I told her and she helped me. She encouraged me to cry, and tell her how I felt. She made me feel like it was ok to feel vulnerable. But then she just left. And now she says she "doesn't know" why she left. I asked if she left me for someone else and she wouldn't give me a straight answer. She told me even if she isn't with me, she still loves me and will care about me, but today she said she doesn't even think she loves me now, and it's only been a few weeks. I've never felt this level of betrayal. And now I'm alone in it. I have no comfort, as others words never helped until hers, and physical touch bothers me so much. I have no friends to really hang out with, and now I have to go through life watching the girl I love, who I trusted every vulnerable part of myself with, turn cold to me, and go and be with someone else. I want to kill myself, but I'm scared of putting my sadness on other people without meaning too. But there's no way out of this suffering. There's no fix. She'll never come back, and I will be alone. I don't want someone else. I throw up even just thinking about it. I told I loved her and complimented her telling her she was the prettiest girl I knew, and the thought of having to say these things to someone else when I know it's not true makes me throw up. Please help me.

She'll never come back, and I will be alone