Me

I want to CTB
I don’t know
Just want it to end
I hate how vulnerable I am
It kills me everyday
The more real inget
Th e more I am
I want to die
I know it’s in me
I tried
I failed
I’m a failure at life I’m. FIlure at life , I know I can find hope
This is just how I feel yet because I feel this way I
Don’t have anything to contribute anymore to sf
I almost suceder t killing my self right before my birthday this is not how I wanted to post this ! Yeah some you know! . This is not so how I wanted this to go but here it is! I tried more than tried I was ready I made sure ! I was not ...there should have been no reason for me to be alive now! Here I am ! I am sorry please delete if this is too much ...trust me there was so many ways I thought 💭 t writing this out! And seriously it wasn’t anything like this! ....March 2020 I knew what I was doing and thought I was ending my life. I didn’t reach out, no one n SF could have stopped me no one could have! This is so not how my story was supposed to be! Hey don’t know any way how even typing this could help my one. I don’t need sympathy , just. Hey am not perfect in any way . I am hypocrite! You know I’m in such a toxic on again off again relationship! I don’t have diddly squat together. It pains me . It fucks with my head I can’t offer anyone anything ! That is my problem tho. I

you have done a lot on SF @RCee don't sell yourself short. we need you here you do make a difference. and i'm sorry but i'm glad you failed at ctb. i'm not going to say the rest of your life will be great, i won't lie to you. but i honestly think that your life can improve one small victory at a time. look how bad my life is, and i have gotten better and have a more positive outlook. i think you can too because i've seen how strong you can be. please don't try again, if you need support come to us, come to me , i will listen and i do care about you...mike...

Fuck mike thank you!
Sorry SF I really don’t give a shot I’m cussing . This this moment here is hard for me I know I at times hide away right now I know I deserve better yet I don’t feel like I do ! I’m not looking for oh poor is me I just want anyone out there to know I’m in sooooo much pain!!!

Really am trying not to be so down on myself or a victim I really am and times like this I feel so alone and I’m crying but I need you guys sooo much soo much

Feel so vulnerable and stupid for saying that but the truth is, facts, I need all of you guys ! I can’t do anything alike I’m as weak as the rest of the world I can’t do anything

I try and be strong or someone else for y’all yet; I really can’t ! It’s so hard! It’s so hard......

I know you're not looking for sympathy and it doesn't come across that way. You are hurting and it's ok to reach out for help. It doesn't matter if you feel you have nothing to contribute, we are just glad that you are a member of this community and want to help and support you. I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way and that things are so hard right now. You don't have to be the strong one all the time. I'm glad that you are posting all this because we will be here for you.

im Letting this out here minus the methods. I killed myself this month , this wasn’t the first time...it wasn’t a false time either! Ever since I was a small child I dreamed of death, nothing poetic, I have always es been in pain! This is not my story! This is not my welcome! This is to those who I love and those who do not know! Yes if you want to know more I am more than willing to share at this moment also will I g to help!!! Sassy and other luki blue...the few that knew,,, shoot y’all I’m sure others here have stories just y’all know me and the more I hide the more I feel like I’m losing my grip and failing away from those of you on SF that I love

I don’t ever want to loose that yet, the more real I am the more I loose people I am just a person no more or less ! I am a mother . Loss of a child , loss of a husband loss of a daughter forever hopefull of a life partner.. in just me Ruthie

Sorry

never be sorry for expressing your pain. may i suggest something that i think may help? i know that you trust some people here on SF. set up a private conversation by inbox. i'm sure you know people that won't judge you and keep it completely private. of course you can't break guidelines like methods or timelines. you can always talk to me in private i will keep it private and will never judge you, or think any less of you. i think you are a very good person valuable to SF...mike..

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. It's the worst feeling imaginable. But I'm so glad you've reached out here. You don't have to be strong for us, that's the brilliance of SF, we all understand.
What would help you right now?

I don’t know I don’t know , Fuck the hardest thing. You know when you want to reply to a new post but you do t know what to say and you fret for half the day and the OP and other don’t know how much you fret over it! I feel like you are my family like I chose you all I really did tho , I actually this is real life even tho yeah in secret. I need you guys no matter what anyone in my life says I may not be 💯 at all times I may not always be 💯 truth because have paranoia issues but I am always 💯 in my emotions. I feel really so fucked up it’s my own shit just dañen I want to erase every single bit of this but my better half is saying not to my better half is saying not to check anything keep writing because this is the most truthful I am going to get at this moment of “MODS” ...........(delete if needed I’m sorry)!!!!!


I haven’t been ok lately I am not okay, why am I still here!???? Why???

It's okay not to know. When I'm in a bad place I normally don't know what I need.

But it's a massively positive thing that you've reached out here. That's a huge step and one you didn't do before. Do you have people irl that you can reach out to? Doctor, therapist? Family, friends? I normally find it easier to reach out to my doctor or therapist if I'm in crisis than my family because I stupidly feel like I'm letting them down.

Because people need you and love you.

i'll tell you exactly why you are still here, a part of you still wants to live, a part of you still has hope. you are in a very dark place right now, but that's ok we all get there sometimes. the important thing is to see that light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how small it is. it sounds like your better half loves and supports you, let them help you. and we are here for you. you are a wonderful person that is loved and respected. you have been in a dark place before and emerged back in the light, you can do it again. your suicide will not cure your problem, never mind if you have to face anything after death, you will just move your suffering to those that love you. please believe me if you let us help we will. and things can get better a little at a time. i hope you can see that light...mike...

Failure I still am in mindset. FUCK! You all are right I am here for a reason and still here I would r even be tying this if I didn’t think

Not going to apologize because I will till I’m blue just say sorry to keep everyone up late sorry to tak up tine

Sorry to take up time. I feel so worthless

I am hearing and listening to everything that is being said to me and repeating it

I refuse to let myself think that everyone has negatives for me.