need euthanasia

agony and pain awaits me in only a few days but I just pretend like everything is fine because I can't cope any other way
making it worse by not preparing and making the torture worse

I'm very sorry you're in such a bad state, but trying to pretend everything is okay. That must be terribly stressful. If ignoring a threat helps you to cope, you can do that for awhile. Another option would be to talk about what's going on. For that, it's nice to have an old friend. Sometimes we just don't have the kind of friend we need, when we're in real need of a shoulder. So we're here for you, and we will listen and try to understand. You mentioned that some preparation might be in order. Sometimes even a little preparation is better than none at all. What were you thinking of doing, if you're up to sharing? I hope you regain some sense of control.

We are right here for you. Don't let your head play tricks on you. Anytime if you want to talk we are right here. You're safe here.

Hey I am sorry you're feeling that way , do you wanna elaborate what happened ?

Also , I understand and I have been there too. To do it makes sense , when we know pain awaits us feeling all that anticipation plus all those feelings and thoughts can be overwhelming so instead to distract is just our way of coping. Ahm in my experience it does get worse when we try to shut down our feelings. If you can , sit with your feelings for 5 mins only. Ask yourself what's going on , why am I afraid etc. Name it. Try to do small steps towards feeling it and allowing it to be there. If you can eventually get into a place where you're comfortable with all that you're feeling and thinking , looking towards possible solutions next might help.

I wish you good and healing 💚 stay there , I hope it's gonna be okay. Take care if you can.

Yess

Dont give up see a doctor or something or go to church

I'm sorry things are so bad.
What's awaiting you in only a few days?